iLive In This Thing That's My Life
by EXPLODINGWEWILLGO
Summary: Sam loves Carly more than anything. But when she's so Sam how can she say it? On top of looking after her baby brother often and enough, and iCarly...she has to figure out how to live exactly. TITLE CHANGE!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: First iCarly story. It'll only be a few chapters long. It's a side story thing so I can get back into my writing mojo! Because college is warping my ease with certain POVs. Right now the first POV is the best I've got. It's easier than keeping track of EVERY other character.**

**And my Bleach fic will be updated either on sunday or before wenesday...as for the xxxHOLiC fic...I dunno when I'll get to that. But I won't abandon it.**

* * *

Life from your own point of view always seems less complicated but so much harder at the same time. Looking outside from the inside is a simple way of putting most things. And when you ask people to understand…they say that they do, but you're fully aware they don't.

It's why I've never told anybody about my huge crush on Carly. I never had to worry about it. I've liked her since we first met. And I dare say it's not even a crush anymore.

Because somewhere along the line; I fell. I fell head over heels for Carly Shay. And I'm not ashamed to admit to myself that I love her, hell I love her more than Fredward does.

But I am scared to admit it out loud.

I want to tell her so bad…and I've tried time and again to see if she likes me in any way. I think she does, but I'm not sure.

I've never been sure of anything. Well except Carly. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My life would be trapped in one huge cell if it weren't for her.

That doesn't mean I don't get into trouble here and there. But of course it'd be so much worse if she hadn't been around.

Although…if my father was allowed around I'd be a decent kid I think. My mom left him when Melanie and I were too young to remember his face. And then when we were eleven I guess she missed him or something…because our baby brother Nathan was born. If I had to take a stab at who the three of us looked like more…I'd say our dad. Cause none of the faces we make look like our mom.

I think we're part of why our mom is such a…sleaze bomb. When I get into trouble she gets this weird look on her face, yells at me, and then mumbles something about looking too much like 'him'. She must miss our dad a lot. I think she's where I got my pride from. Because she'll never admit something she thinks will make her weak.

It's why I can't tell Carly or anybody about liking said brunette. I'm too proud and tough skinned Samantha Puckett, and tough skinned Sam tells nothing of herself but how strong she is.

Nothing.

* * *

Nathan's a lot like me. He looks nice and sweet when he wants to…but if he doesn't like you…watch out. Freddie found that out the hard way.

My mom had been shredding my nerves. And when she came home with cold food for me and my baby brother…I had to get outta there. Nathan had frowned and complained to me as I slipped his jacket on, ignoring our mother's shouts about just heating it up. "I'm hungry." He mumbled finally.

"I know." I rubbed his arms. And I knew he wouldn't care about eating cold chicken, but the point is…he shouldn't have to. He should be able to have nice hot food. Not cold hard strips of meat. I was used to it, Melanie was used to it. But I'll be damned if Nathan's gunna go through it too. "We're gunna go to Carly's and you can eat all you want there okay?"

He nodded, blonde curls falling into his face. He looked just like me when I was a kid. Melanie had longer hair than me so no, we didn't look the same then.

His life must be so hard and confusing. Staring through five year old eyes at a world made by drunken mother's and father's that were either too good for said drunken mother's or just deadbeats. His little brain trying to keep up but not being able to. He deserved to just be a kid. To just be a five year old boy.

This was why I was taking him to Carly's. She and Spencer never cared; they wanted him to come over because they knew our mom didn't really care.

Nathan raised his arms and I lifted him up, setting him on my hip. He let his head fall on my shoulder. "We're going out!" I called to the waste of a mother in the kitchen. She returned my shout with a, 'whatever' as I pulled the door open and stepped outside.

* * *

Why did life have to be so complicated? Why could the three of us not get parents that were rated 'N for normal' on the Richter scale?

Life really sucked sometimes.

"Hey Spencer?" I called, opening the door to the Shay household. The crazy grown man-child hoped out from the back.

"Sup?" He looked at me curiously.

"Can you watch Nathan while I do iCarly?" I was to young to be a mom…but I had no choice but to be the mother figure for my baby brother, he didn't have a mom that cared. "He hasn't eaten yet."

He grinned. "Sho thang!" He held out his arms and Nathan went to him easily. See, if he liked you he was a little angel. "What do you want to eat little dude?" Spence was oddly great with kids, which made sense cause he was crazy like one.

"Spaghetti and…and…," Nathan scratched his head as he though, Spencer walking him to the kitchen and myself heading upstairs.

"Veggies?" Spencer teased.

"Ew!" Nathan shouted.

"Yeah ew! Veggies are gross!"

* * *

I opened the door to the studio. "Got anything good to eat?" I asked as I headed for the water I spotted. Hope there's nothing gross in it because I'm drinking it anyways.

"Another late to the show. You may just have a world record." Freddie's annoying voice stung my ears.

I took a drink, glad it was just water. "Shut up alright. I'm not in the best of moods."

"What's wrong?" Carly asked curiously but with clear concern. God I love her. That little twinkle in her eyes. I could eat her up…if she were an actual cupcake.

"My mom is what's wrong. She's what's always wrong." And she was. She was why little Nathan was downstairs with a guy that wasn't his dad eating a meal that wasn't made from home like it should be.

Life was to damn complicated.

"What happened now?" She knows my mother's habits. I've told her them. I haven't told Fred-dork because I don't trust hi, but I'm to upset to care that he's there.

"I send my mom out for some food for Nathan and me right, so we sit and we wait and finally she gets back…cold chicken strips in a bucket and a new tattoo. By the way he's downstairs." I pointed to the floor.

She nods. "Cool, maybe we can get him on the show tonight. He's so cute." She makes that adorable little face where her dimples show in her cheeks, and it takes all of my brain power to keep talking.

"Maybe. He'd probably like that. Anyways let's just start the show." I look at Freddie, just seeing that infatuated face looking at my girl made me want to punch his brains in till they squished out of his ear holes.

He smirked. "Show started fifteen seconds ago." God I wanted to punch him!

There was an awkward pause before we did our usual, "This is iCarly." Although this time it was more like a disappointment.

* * *

I couldn't help but grin as Carly played with Nathan. He made a bee-line for her as soon as Spencer let him into the room.

I nodded to Spencer. "Did he eat?"

The artist made a face. "He's a monster! A tiny, blonde haired monster vacuum thing! They should sell cleaners that clean like that in stores." He looked thoughtful. "I'd buy a cleaner that cleaned junk like he cleans a plate." He dropped his head and walked out.

"How have you been Nathan?" Carly asks as she lifts him up onto the bed beside her. He grins up at her.

"Good." He rubs his head like he's shy, but he's not. Like me, he's going to be short for a real long time.

I nod to Carly and lean to her right ear. "Can he stay the night?" I had a bad feeling in my gut about taking him back to our mom's. "I don't want to be a problem but I don't want to take him back there right now."

She nodded, turning back to Nathan. "Hey, you wanna stay over here tonight. We could watch movies with Spence."

He nods. "Yeah!" He cheers.

"Why can't he go home with you?" Freddie really bugged me more than my mom sometimes.

I glared at him and he got that look of fear I loved seeing on a victim's face. That look of utter fear and helplessness. "Mind your own business Benson."

* * *

I miss being a little kid. I miss not having a higher knowledge of life so I didn't have to overthink. See people like Fred-dork think I'm a total idiot, maybe because I'm a blonde…but I'd bet anyone a thousand bucks I think ten times more than he does.

I miss sleeping with Carly, hugging her while we slept…and just enjoying it because I was a little kid. It didn't mean anything back then.

Now that I'm older…it means way to much. And that scares me to death.

I open the door to my house and step inside. My feet carry me to the kitchen, because I know she'll be there. And she is, drinking a beer and watching the small TV on the counter. "I think Nathan and me should stay at Carly's for a few days." I spoke loud enough to know she heard me.

She turns to look at me. "No you're not."

"Nathan's already spending the night." I wasn't going to let her do this. I couldn't. And I knew if Melanie were here she'd agree with me.

She stood. "Who do you think you are to take my son somewhere and keep him there without my okay?"

"His big sister. Who actually gives a crap."

She scoffed. "Don't act like you're better than me." But you both know you are. "You were still born on a bus."

That was always her wild card. Never knew when it would show up, but you always knew it would. I give her a look of disappointment and disgust. "I may not be worth much mom, but I deserve better than you. And so does Nathan. He deserves way better than this life. And you'll have to pry him from my cold dead hands before I let you drag him down with you!" I snap and run up to my room. She's still shouting.

I grab a garbage bag and stuff a bunch of random clothes inside before taking one of Nathan's little Rocket Raider duffel bags and carefully packing him more than a week's worth of clothes. I may or may not stay with Carly, but Nathan had to stay there. I'd settle for that other guy right about now. Even his crazy mom is better than mine.

* * *

I ripped off the lock on the door to Carly's place, knowing full well she'd be upset. They should just buy a whole case of chain locks. It'd save Spencer time and cash.

I head upstairs and go to Carly's room. I'm frustrated and sad and happy and disgusted all at once. So many things and so many thoughts I can't even be sure where to start. I'm happy because Nathan is safe. I see him sleeping on his stomach with Carly's arm securing him around his back so he doesn't fall.

He's in a pair of pajama's I've never seen before. I was sad because they'd spent money on us. They always said they didn't mind but again…they shouldn't have to. He should already have had those. I should have gotten them for him, and if my mom gave a flying crap she'd have bought him a pair herself.

I don't mean to wake Carly. "It's four in the morning, what are you doing?" She's more worried than upset, and that makes me happy too. But I'm at a loss for large words because I'm upset and frustrated with the things my mom had said to me.

Turning to her I find that I'm to tired to smile, but I can't help but think she looks adorable with a bed head and sleep in her eyes. Nathan shifts and blinks his "Where else am I gunna go?" I had nobody else I could lean on. Carly was all I had. And I think she knew that from the start of our friendship.

She looks more patient now that she's waking up. And I'm glad it's a Saturday. I set down Nathan's bag just as Spencer runs in. "I heard noise, and the lock on the door is broken. Everything okay?" He had a Suck Duster.

Carly hushes him. "Wait…you're moving in here?" She almost sounds like she wants me to, but I know it's still the sleep clouding her brain cell function. Spencer looks at me and doesn't look worried anymore. "Oh." He mumbles.

I shrug. "I don't have many options. And if I can't then can at least Nathan stay here?"

She shakes her head. "Sam, I don't mind either of you staying with us till you can work things out with your mom. But a call before you break in might be nice."

Nathan is up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He'll be up till at least ten now.

"So…why is Sam here?" Spencer was still half asleep too.

I sigh and scratch my head. "Just make Nathan some eggs. He's going to be up for a while now." I motion to the small blonde who is now on his feet and walking wobbly over to Spencer.

The artist looks down at him, then to me, then back to my brother. "Okay." He settles and takes the small hand held out to him.

Carly call him over. "Yeah?" He blinks.

She stands and gives him a funny look. God…her hair is already smoothing itself out. She's like an angel or something. "You thought someone was in here," she looks at him for confirmation. He nods. "And was in my room?" He nods again, letting go of Nathan's hand. "So…you bring a Suck Duster?"

He nods. "You bet I do."

She smiles. "Now I'm sure you're insane."

Spencer nods, walking up the few steps. "Am I?" He asks, clicking it on. She nods before he grabs her in a head lock. "Fight me off then!" He makes those dumb sounds that are so like him as Carly screams at him to leave her hair alone.

I smile despite my bad mood. Feeling better and more settled just from being around these two. I take Nathan's hand, he's pointing and giggling as Spencer continues to show his baby sister why he has a Suck Duster as a weapon. I was jealous of them.

Melanie and I were close when we were kids. If nothing had ever changed…this may be us now in our own house if our dad was still around. But because the alienation our drunken mother put us through we grew apart quick. The last nice thing I'd done for her (and she would owe me for life) was signing her up for that boarding school so she could get away.

"Come on buddy, I'll make you something to eat." I led my baby brother from the room as Carly continued to try and fight her own older brother away as he tried to get her feet.

* * *

"Are we going back home today?" Nathan asks me later that day. I sigh, pouring him a glass of juice.

I didn't know what to tell him. He shouldn't have to ask me these kinds of things. "I dunno little man." I set down the glass. I was trying to keep the place clean. But me being me, and me taking care of Nathan…yeah it kinda made for an impossible situation.

Nathan, who was sitting on the floor behind the coffee table drinking apple juice and coloring an old coloring book of Spencer's, his hair was messy and damp from his bath. I was lying on the couch flicking through channels.

"Sam!" I look back slowly. She's holding a plate.

I blink up at her dumbly. "Hey Carls." I look back at the TV set. I was just Sam to her. Sam who had no responsibility but her little brother and sometimes her twin sister. Which was almost true.

"Why was there a half-eaten tamale in my bed?" Because I'd been eating it in your bed thinking of you, which sounds weird and gross I know…but I love food and I love Carly. They just go together. Like me and Carly, only she didn't know it yet.

I look up at her. "I left it there." I sat up and took the plate, starting to eat it again.

She sighs; I'm making her frustrated and bothered. Those things I never wanted to be in her life. I want to say sorry, but my tongue ties and I think I talk I may tell her my biggest secret ever. "If you and Nathan are going to stay here you can't leave everything a total wreck. You have to at least try and keep some stuff clean."

I nod. "I hear you." I start, trying to swallow the secret as it filled my throat like puke…but puke with no food. Like just the acid. What's that called?

"We're sorry." Nathan looks up at her, his hands go to his head again. I think it's a nervous habit he's starting to get. Carly shakes her head and smiles at him, that sweet Carly smile I love so much.

"No, you don't have to worry about anything. Keep coloring." He does as he's told, like me he only listen's to Carly. She looks at me. "And put your laundry in the hamper!" She hisses, pulling out my pink pair of 'I heart Vegas' underwear. "I should not find your panties on the stairs!"

I groan. "You know I hate that word." It was to girly.

"Panties!" She shouts at me, making me shout and cover my ears. I hear Nathan giggle. She throws them at me and I tuck them into my boxer pocket.

Spencer comes out and asks us to take our girl stuff upstairs. And suddenly they're both upset with me, and I'm upset with myself because I've made Carly upset with me. What did I do?

"You've got to stop leaving messes everywhere and eating food in my bed." Carly looks at me like she's sorry for me. I don't want her pity…but I'm to proud and to starved for any attention from her to say anything about it.

"And no deleting my web celebrities."

"And no more panties on the stairs!" Now she just looks annoyed. I groan again and rub my ears. She gives me a half smile which makes me feel better.

"Stop using that word, you know I hate it."

Spencer looks at me funny for a second. "To bad, stairs, stairs, stairs!" He shouts, almost making me smile. I blink up at him with a confused face.

"What?" I mumble.

Carly looks at her brother with the pity now. "She meant panties."

He makes a face that is just so him and then looks serious. "I'm embarrassed now." He was just so him, and that's how he'd always be.

And I'm Sam…I'd always be touch skinned Samantha Puckett that was to scary to like anybody and to shy (in secret) to actually say who she liked.

That is that…and that is all.

* * *

I try and do something nice for Carly. I can't do much but I make her a snack for when she gets home. I love the idea of sharing a place with Carly. I practically live here anyways.

Nathan was taking a nap on the couch when she walked in from where ever she'd been. "Welcome home." I greet her happily.

She speed walks into the kitchen with a worried and almost upset look on her face. "I made you a sandwich." I smile proudly and set the snack down on the table. I want her to smile and tell me how cute I am in my Sam way. But she doesn't…she looks sad and even more worried.

"Look Sam…I really think you should go back with your mom."

I shake my head and get serious quick. "Never gunna happen Carls. If you want me and Nathan gone then fine…but I'm not taking him back to that house."

"Nathan can stay here for a while, but he needs to be able to go home. And so do you. Just get things settled that's all I'm asking." She means it. She wants everything in my life to be okay, she always has. Chalk it up to another reason I love her.

But I was too proud. I shook my head and started to say something as banging came to the door, waking Nathan up. Carly gives me an, 'I'm sorry look', and I know who's outside that door before I actually want to.

"Nathan, go upstairs." I call. He looks at me in confusion. "Just go little man, please?" He nods, slipping off the couch and heading upstairs. He didn't need to see her.

"Come in." The brunette in front of me calls and the door slides open, I feel my stomach swirl in disgust at the site of my mother.

But still…that blonde gene kicks in the moment I'm not sure what to say. "Mom?"

She gives me that smart sarcastic look she always gives me when she mentions where I was born. "I know who I am." She reminds me of me before Carly. Totally stupid and living life just to live it…I hate her so much.

Then I feel the anger rise in my stomach and claw its way up my throat. "Carly," I snapped. "Why would you get my mother to," She cuts me off before I can finish.

"You two have to make up."

I shake my head. "I don't want any part of her. And I won't let her screw Nathan's head up any more than she probably has."

"A; you don't deserve my parts. And B; the one that's messing up your brother's head is you."

I glare at her. "A; I don't want worn and torn parts. And B; I'm re-screwing what you dislodged. I would have to work so hard if you didn't bite so hard."

She sneers at me, now I know where I got _that_ face from. "That's real cute Sam. Real cute…but you should take a good look at your future cause your heading this way." She sucks her teeth. "And your brother is heading down the same road as your father. No money…no life…no kids. Maybe I should have let him keep you three." She thinks about it for a second. "Actually just you two."

She means Nathan and me. Melanie is her angel child sent from heaven. Only because I took the blame for everything so she'd always stay that way. She'd been given gifts…I hadn't. I was the tails of the coin that we flipped on. "My future is gunna be just fine. And Nathan's gunna be an amazing guy when he grows up. Know why? Cause he's nothing like you."

She scoffs. "Whoever told you that your future is going places lied to your face." Carly had told me that. Which is part of why I clung to her. I'd be okay if she was around. "You've already been in Juvie and your parole officer could care less, sadly it'd take effort."

This chick…I could count all the stars for every time I'd wished she weren't my real mother. Sadly there weren't enough of them.

It happened…not sure how or when but it did. We fought, like wild caged tigers. She's not as strong as me…but she's strong enough.

I made sure Carly was far enough away, and shouted at Nathan to stay upstairs. The last thing I saw before we'd stormed out of the apartment still screaming at each other was Carly going to hug Nathan.

…Words could never say how much I missed being a kid with no worries. A kid with no brother and no sister on her tail…and the only thing to worry about was dodging detention.

* * *

She really did care. "I've already made sure they don't have anything sharp on them." That had been fun for me. "I'm kinda praying you can make them get along better. Or just help." The therapist guy nods his understanding.

And I feel hurt when she runs away. She'd been stand-offish since we left to come here. While my mom and I shouted at each other and she tried to make herself invisible. I felt awful for her. Because nobody was looking, but everyone was watching. But I couldn't my 'Sam' habits of letting an argument I could win die.

She ran from me like I was Death. And I felt a twinge of hurt and disgusting twisted pride. I was hurt because the one person I loved more than anything (of course there was Nathan but that's brother love), literally ran from me like I was going to hit her. She knows I'd never ever hurt her on purpose. I was proud because…if I can make Carly Shay afraid of me…then anybody else is no contest. And Carly knows I'd never lay a hand on her to hurt her.

And then I'm just disgusted because not five seconds after she leaves my desperate mother makes a pass at the ugly, squat therapist. "Excuse my desperate mother."

"Excuse my rude daughter."

"I get it from you."

"And you get that smart mouth from your father." She snipped.

I stuck my tongue out at her and she copied me.

…Never have I ever met my father. But I could imagine he must be like Melanie. Easy-going and responsible, she had to have gotten it somewhere. I was so sick of my mom I wanted nothing more than to just know him so I could have someone to talk to, to cry to besides Carly, to have someone take care of Nathan so I could just be a regular teenage girl who was just supposed to make mistakes so she could learn more about herself.

I wanted my dad. I wanted to know him, meet him, hug him…a man I never met…never thought about till recently…I wanted a dad I didn't even know the name of.

* * *

See…these little 'Sam' habits that I had to build into my system to protect me…they make me do and say dumb things.

Which was part of why I was on the floor wrestling my mom and trying to bite her kidney out of her back, while she tugged my hair to get me off her.

This was also how we ended up in a small 'psycho' people room. Great job Sam…you drove the love of your life to this.

I should have eaten before I came here. But that thought is the least of my worries. The thought pressing down on my brain from the outer edges of my skull was just finding a way to ask her about my dad.

Where was he…what does he do for a living…did he want to keep his kids…those kinds of questions.

But I can't build up the nerve. Not just yet.

* * *

For hours we stood there and argued in circles. Mom always had to be the victim. She always had to be the one with the problems that couldn't help herself. At least I was trying to get help.

"Why can't you be more like Melanie?" And there it is. Another wild card.

"Can you try not comparing me to Melanie for once?"

She kept bringing up things in the past I had no control over. Finally I have to ask…just to break her perpetual cycle. "Where's dad?"

She freezes. "…What?"

I shrug. "Where's my dad? Is he scummy, poor, cheap…what?"

She straightens her back, I watch her closely. "He owns a junkyard." I tried not to smirk. "He's talented." She has that look in her eye…she's remembering him, something nice. I wanna know.

"What do you mean?"

Before she can answer the therapist shoves Carly into the room. She looks scared. "No, no, no!" She shouts and smacks the door. "You can't leave me in here! I want to live!" She shouts. It hurts she really thinks I'd hurt her, I never would. And I'd never let my mom hurt her either.

"Nobody leaves till they make nice!" The speakers crackled.

Carly glances back at my mom and me. She looks even more scared now. "It's never going to happen." She turns. "You could at least say something positive you know." She looks between us again.

I roll my eyes. "She's never even said anything nice to me about iCarly."

"I'm sure that isn't,"

My mom cuts her off. "What's iCarly?" And I resist the urge to smile as she smacks her forehead in that cute Carly way.

Sighing I pull her away from the door and bang on it. "Let us out will ya? This isn't working!" It may have…but I don't know.

The therapist repeated his earlier statement. Carly pulled me aside and banged on the door. "It's never going to happen! They're both horrible in different ways!" That one cut deep.

I swallow my nerves and blink back the tears in my eyes. She turns to me. "Sam, I'm sorry and you're my best friend…and I love you do death. But we have to be honest here…you're in Freddy Kruger's nightmares."

I blinked back more tears. "You make it sound like I've hurt you before." But I have. I've kept secrets…done bad things…said mean things. The person that can hurt her more than me has to be Spence. She didn't answer. "I'm not gunna hurt you Carly. I won't let anybody else hurt you either."

"I'm just glad someone knows how bad she actually is." And the Oscar for 'Bombing the most moments' goes to my mother!

Carly turned on her. "You're no better! You're supposed to be the adult! But here we are and with Sam looking after her little brother when," she paused, her hands went her head and she made this funny sound.

I blinked. "Carls?" This was bad. "What do we do?" I look at my mom, she shrugs. Oh yeah…helping kids isn't exactly her forte.

"Make up so we can get out of here!" Carly snapped. She clutched her head and made another one of those funny sounds. "I gotta get outta here." She mumbled as she pressed on the door and made the sound again.

I had to fix this if Carly was gunna get better. But I still wanted to know about my dad. I crouched down and held her face in my hands. "Carls? Carly, watch me. Watch me okay?" I had to do something…Nathan couldn't stay at the Shay's forever.

I stood and looked at my mom. "I love you…mother." The words were strange on my tongue as I said them to a person I had never thought to say them to before.

"What you think I don't love you?" That was more than shocking to hear.

I shrugged. "You never say it. You never tell any of us about dad…where he's been the last sixteen years. You never do anything for us."

She sighs. "Your dad makes things for a living."

I nod, hoping she'll keep going. "Like? You had said he was talented." Carly makes that sound; I look back at her and crouch down to her. She whines and I pull her into a hug, maybe she'll ignore the closed space if I hold her.

My mom shrugged again. A smile of old memories playing on her face. "He can take a ton of rusted old scraps of metal…a few tweaks and coats of paint later he'll have a car that looks brand new."

He sounds good already. "So why did he leave you…or did you leave him?" I was never a hundred percent sure.

"I left him when I was a few months along with you and your sister. He was…he was a good man." She smiles wider. "He is a good man. He does what he loves…makes good money…he's got his head on straight."

I hugged Carly tighter as she whimpered again. "What's his name?"

"Tanner." She gives me a look, like she's looking through me at someone else. My dad maybe. "You three look just like him I swear. But you specifically."

"How just me when Melanie and I are twins?"

She shakes her head. "Your hair is more like his. And that look in your eyes when you think of something you think is constructive…it's just like him."

"So why…," He sounded amazing…so why had she left him?

Old memories have a way of creeping up your leg and nipping you where it hurts when you really never want them to. My mom shrugged and gave me the simplest look I've ever seen. So simple but so hard to understand at the same time. "People like me only drag down people like him, and if I could do it over I'd have left you three with him. But I couldn't."

I knew that look. I had it all the time when I was around Carly. The look of a person who had the whole world so close to them but always thought they weren't good enough. My mom and I were the same. She touched the sun and got burned; I was so close to hitting that point.

And I knew why she kept us…why she wanted to try again with dad. Because she loved him. Loved him more than anything. And we were her last ties to him. She'd gone back to see if she was good enough…she thought she wasn't just like before, and then Nathan came. Another reminder of the sun that had burned her into who she'd made me into.

It hurts like chizz.

* * *

My relationship with my mom was finally starting to look up. So much so I could actually leave Nathan with her while I went to do iCarly.

I wish I could have asked more. Maybe someday I will. But for now…this is enough. Well…

I look over at Carly. Almost enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: First iCarly story. It'll only be a few chapters long. It's a side story thing so I can get back into my writing mojo! Because college is warping my ease with certain POVs. Right now the first POV is the best I've got. It's easier than keeping track of EVERY other character.**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and maybe the new tech producer I might bring in. Let me know what you think! **

**A: Bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie**

**B: Take Freddie out and just get a new guy**

**C: Just leave Freddie there**

**Cast your vote!**

* * *

Life was on the up and up. I was getting used to having the easy but complicated life of a regular web show host teenager. And besides the web show…it really should have happened a lot sooner.

I smirked as I blew my nose into a slob of wet noodles. I dunno why people ask us this stuff…but it sure kept like interesting.

I laughed to the camera as I smacked the noodles down in a bowl in front of Gibby's little brother Guppy.

It was hard to pretend that I didn't want to always touch Carly, even though she was right there. It was hard to keep my hands away. But Sam Puckett is all about control. Over emotions and actions considered silly of course.

Why people wanted our old junk, I would never know. But hey…whatever floats your boat. I blink at Gibby when he does the pirate voice with the hook finger. …Boys man.

Looking over at the seat across from Guppy I nod to my own little brother. "Didn't you tell him not to do that?"

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, but he wouldn't listen to me." He shrugged his tiny shoulders and looked up at the camera. "He's dumb." He shrugged.

"What an honest little guy. You should have your own shirts." Freddie snipped. "'Making and selling insults since the 18oos."

I blinked. "That's the smartest almost insult I've ever heard you throw Benson."

Freddie sneers at me and I sneer back, Carly touches my arm and pulls me back. My heart does what I'd call a double take. Her hands are always so soft. "Anyways, back to our little junkyard here…what items are for sale here Sam?" She was a natural show host.

I go back into show mode, Sam Puckett who can take on the world and sucker punch life in the face. "Well to our right here we have Spencer's clever but failed fan of hammers." My girl almost lost her head because of this. It was a cool idea…but I still hated it.

"Who could forget that memorable camera moment?" She smiled but the look in her eyes told me she wasn't fond of the flashback. I leaned in close; I could feel her body heat from here. "Who doesn't love a dangerous time?"

She giggled and I stepped back, showing the next item. I gave Gibby a funny look when he made those ugly kissing faces to the dummy sporting the Penny-tee and a pair of my old boxers. There was an awkward pause, Carly nudged me in the back to keep moving.

"…Alrighty then. Moving right along." I turn and take the thing closest to me, not Carly (boy I wish), but a pair of tech sneakers.

I look over at Nathan when I hear him shout. "Dude, what's wrong?" I'm in big sister mode right away…until I see Gibby eating the noodles I blew my nose into. Nathan is making that disgusted face I've had on my face while talking to Fredward to many a time.

"I love this sauce what is it?" Gibby gushes. Nathan looks at me, his bottom lip sticking out, he swallows but he still gags in disgust. I walk over to him and ruffle his hair.

"It may be a cheese sauce." I wasn't sick…it'd be a lot more green if I was. Then I'd have to say some kind of new pepper from Mexico.

Carly giggles, I look over at her. And I can't help the smile that pulls my lips up like they're attached to strings. "It's possible, but it snot." She grinned. It was a silly joke but it made me laugh.

"Gross." Nathan mumbled.

* * *

Carly took out that wiener dog with three legs. "Who gets this little charmer?"

I took it from her. "Nathan. I bought it for him." I call him from upstairs and he takes the steps carefully before running up to me and taking the dog. "There ya go little man."

"Thank you." He gives me that sweet little smile before he goes to the couch.

I look up at my friends…or my best friend and that other dude. She's smiling at me, and it makes me feel like I'm a superhero or something. But that look Fred-dork gives me…, "What?" I snap.

"Did you buy it?"

I glared at him. "Yes I bought it." No I wasn't the world's best person….but I'd never steal to get my brother anything. Not even food. I had to teach him right from wrong, yunno? And no I'm not the best person to teach him that because I usually pick wrong, but I want him to do the right things. I want my baby brother to be Yale material when he grows up.

Carly gives him a look and he drops it. She picks something else from the box. "Told you people would want stuff from iCarly."

I spot a small scab on her arm and poke it, hardly trying to peel it off. I just want an excuse to touch her. She smiles at me, that little smile that I know she has just for me. I love her so much it hurts. "What are you doing?"

I shrug. "You have a scab."

And it's like she knows I'm only half trying to pick it off but that I'm just touching her to touch her. Because she has the look in her eyes like we both know something but neither of us will say it. She flicks my hand playfully. "Leave it alone." And I leave it.

"This is cool, check it out." Benson speaks up. I glance at him and make a snap at him because of his snip at me.

"Did someone finally friend you?" I look back at Carly. "See Cupcake, miracles can happen." She gives me that knowing look again and I smile back at her, heading over to Nathan's side on the couch.

I play with the dog, making growl sounds as I rub it into his belly, making him giggle.

"What is it?" Carly asks Freddie with patience. I ruffle Nathan's hair and hand back his toy and pick up the Penny-Tee that spells Uncle Female in bright yellow letters.

"The Penny-Tees sold more than any other item on the show. Almost three hundred bucks." Nobody listens to me when I have good ideas. Well Carly does but sometimes I don't think she takes me seriously.

"See mama knows these things. Did I, or did I not tell you people?" I point between them.

Carly smiles and nods. "You did tell us people." I nod and grin at her, she grins back now and I stand beside her. She bumps my shoulder and my heart does another double take.

I really miss being able to do kid stuff just because I was a kid. Why did everything mean something to the brain…especially my love infected one. Everything she did was a signal to me about something, even though I knew it probably wasn't.

"People want these Tees. We should make 'em, bank on 'em, quit school and open that restaurant I was talking about." I wasn't serious about quitting school or opening that restaurant. What good would it be to tell Nathan all the good stuff school can do for you if I quit going. He needs better than this.

And the restaurant thing…well Carly talked me out of that little ditty. "Sammy, nobody wants to kill a chicken then barbeque it." See…she talked me out of it. She can make me sure of anything, because I'll believe anything she tells me. And it's cute how she's the only one who calls me Sammy.

However rare it may be.

I shrug and look down, mumbling that she didn't know everything. But God damn me if she couldn't convince me she did.

"Are we gunna do the Tee thing or not?" I ask uncaringly.

"I think we should." Benson gets off the computer, looking at Carly. "We could make a decent amount of cash."

Money…I needed more of it. Not for me but, I glance out into the living room to see Nathan watching cartoons. I think he's watching Rocket Raiders.

I'd never told anyone but Melanie and Carly, but I'd made a bank account. Melanie and me were putting in a little cash here and there for Nathan when he goes to college. So far we've almost go a few twenties more than two thousand.

I look at Carly; her word is the one that matters in this. Not Benson's. If she were to say no, I'd drop it and never speak of it again.

"Let's go for it." She nods, smiling.

"Yes!" I hop up on a kitchen chair. "iCarly's in the Penny-Tee bidness!" More money meant more funds in Nathan's college account.

Sure I set aside some money to take myself to college, but only enough for a community college.

I think that may be part of why she agreed to this. I jump off the chair and watch Fredward turn to Carly. "Now we just have to find out how," I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. He had the same look of awe on his face when he looked at Carly. Neither of us would ever be able to get over her. But as it stands…I have a better chance with her than he does.

A knock came to the door and Carly went to get it. I snap Benson with the shirt, he hisses in pain. It's what he gets for staring at my girl like that.

Oh yeah…I knew all about the little boyfriends and their habits…I have a much better chance than Freddie. Think I didn't notice how much Jake looked like me? Wrong. Think I didn't notice how much Griffin acted like me? Wrong again. She's attracted to people that look and act just like me.

And I think she may have been jealous of Jonah. It's what I was trying to do. I love Carly so much…I wanted her to be jealous. It was part of why I'd given my first kiss to the cowardly lion beside me. I wanted her to be jealous. And she kinda was, but she'd been more upset that I hadn't confided in her about it.

Spencer knocks Carly down as he lunges for the door. I'm speed walking over to help her in seconds. "You okay Carls?" She nods as I help her to her feet.

Spencer looks back at her. "Why were you on the floor, it's dirty?" And before he gets an answer he goes back to the delivery guy. I shake my head and sit her down beside Nathan who pats her arm and asks if she's okay.

I stand up straight as he shuts the door in the guy's face. "Why are you all hype?" I sit on the coffee table in front of Carls.

Spencer grins. "I got an awesome hot foreign movie!"

Carly glares up at him. "And this is why you gave me an awesome hot concussion?" It probably sounded better in her head.

Spencer is so…Spencer! Everything he does is just so him…that you already expect it before he does it. He runs into the back and he's pretty much ignorant to everything but his girlfriend who doesn't speak English.

"Okay, we're going shoplifting!" She shouts, head tipped back.

"Wear a jacket!" He hadn't heard a word she said but the fact that we were leaving.

I blink up at Carly and she blinks back. I reach out and touch her arm. "Are we really going," I'd be lying if I said it wasn't fun now and then. Especially when I gave my food to Nathan when we had skipped dinner for some reason or another.

She gives me that, 'You should know better ' look and sucks her teeth. "No!"

Hey…dreamers can dream right?

* * *

I leave Nathan with mom, who has set a record for herself. She's been sober most of the week. And she actually looked happy that they'd spend some time together.

I left him at home because I didn't want him to see me do forced labor on a bunch of kids that were almost his age. They'd complain and ask why he wasn't working…and then he'd look at me funny for the rest of his life.

But I couldn't make these shirts on my own, and I refused to work with Benson. So…this was my only option. I had to do this so Carly would have more money and so would Nathan's bank account.

I knew Fred-dork was going to say something before I even walked in. I really wish Carls would just let me pop him one in the jaw just once. …Course if I hit him with full strength his jaw may be cracked, or even better it may be broken. "Knock-a-doodle-doo." I call, wheeling boxes into Carly's room.

"Sam where have you been?"

I smirk; she's so cute when she's worried. "A place." I speak with a teasing tone.

"…Do I even wanna know what's in those boxes?"

I smile and she can't help but smile back. She's always told me I was like an infection. 'A happy, good, bad, Sam infection.' She'd said. And just like her power over me…I had a feeling if I asked her to…she'd try and jump buildings in a single bound.

I know I would if she asked me to.

"Did you knock over a Fat Cake truck?" Benson asks sarcastically. I glance over at Carly who rolls her eyes. Sometimes I think she's just as annoyed with him as I am. I take that as an 'Okay go' and shove him down, he shouts and cries and I smack him like I would Nathan when he does wrong, only ten times harder. And finally I punch him in the kidney and let him go.

And no I don't spank Nathan like an enraged monster mom. Heck our mom has never even hit him. But when he's wrong and we both know it, I give him a good smack so he won't do it again. It's really rare for me to have to do that.

I turn to Carly; she looks amused at my actions. "Really wanna know what's in those boxes?" I smirk. She closes her eyes and claps her hands together and squeezing them tight.

"Please don't be fireworks." She mumbles over and over. I roll my eyes. Just like my Cupcake.

Now is my time to make her proud. Well…almost. Because I know she'll be disappointed in me if and when I show her how I made these. I open the box and pull out a bundle of Penny-Tees. "Thirty finished Penny-Tees." I state proudly.

She blinks, surprised but happy to see them. "Wow…really?" Like they aren't sitting in front of her.

"And thirty more in that box and then the box after that." I smile, almost proud of myself. But I'm ready for the crushing blow when she sees how and gives me that 'You should know better' look.

"Seriously?" They ask together. We really need a new tech producer…maybe one that isn't a walking target of the butt of every joke.

I only look at Carly. "Seriously." I say it with a slur and she giggles, making me smile more.

"How did you make so many?" She wants to know…and I could never say no to Carly. I don't have the 'Sam' filter on my brain around her.

Benson groans and glares at me. "And why did you spank me?"

"Cause you're an annoying she-child." I answer him first and smile at Carly. She's all I've got eyes for. "And I'll show you." I prepare myself for the bite of hurt when she gives me that look. I head for the door…they aren't following; I look back and wave Carly over. He's going to follow her anyways. He was like a pup with no brain function but 'obey'.

She's edgy to follow me but she does anyways because she trusts me.

…What a waste of her time. Congrats Puckett. You've hit a new low of the year.

* * *

"You really slapped it hard." He'd been complaining the whole way down to the basement. I finally sigh, rolling my eyes.

"Dude, get over it. Maybe if you were actually a real guy these things wouldn't happen." I snip. Carly glares at me and I shrug. It's true, and she knows it better than I do.

"Sammy, why are we in the basement?" She asks patiently. I push Benson aside so she can stand next to me.

"I'm showing you how I made so many Penny-Tees." I motion to the working basement of kids as I hop down the steps. Looking back I feel a twinge of hurt as I get the look from Carly I've been expecting.

That look that tells me I would never do this to my own baby brother but I'd do it to a bunch of other kids that were close to his age? Yeah I would…because my little brother isn't sneaky brat who wants money. He's not like me.

And I love him for that.

The look I get from Fredward is much more expected. Because to him…this is just so '_Sam'_ of me to do. Paying kids to do my work for me and taking the lazy, easy way out of life. And I was perfectly okay with him thinking that of me. Because he didn't matter to me, sure I'd be kinda worried if he was hit by a car or someone punched all his teeth in before I could, but his opinion of me meant less than the ground I walked on.

And then there was only half left…and I knew this wouldn't work out the way we'd planned. That's why I'm Sam Puckett and Sam always thinks three steps ahead of everyone.

I'd already told two boxes of Penny-Tees online. Made about three hundred so far. And for every box of a new shirt they made I sold it. Five bucks can go a long way when you're a famous web show host.

See…because I'm so smart, I already knew these little punks would get outta hand and try to sell their own way. That's what it means to be a few steps ahead of the game.

And now Nathan would get some cash in his college fund and I'd have some money to buy us some new clothes, shoes, and buy about a weeks-worth of food.

What's worse about this whole thing is that Carly is still really upset with me. And we'd probably have made more cash if we'd all worked together. But Sam is Sam and Sam works alone or with Carly. And Sam doesn't take the hard, high road. Sam takes the low, car pool lane.

But still…when Carly asks me to come with her to Groovy Smoothie to say sorry I can't say no. I don't want her to give me that look anymore.

"Hey little man?" I call into my house. Small steps are on the stairs and his little blonde mop of hair shows up before the rest of him does. He's dressed in new sneakers and a pair of kids skate shorts with a long white sleeved shirt and a velvet vest with a hood. Only the best for my baby bro.

"Wanna go to the Groovy Smoothie with me to see Carls?" He nods with a smile. "Alright let's head out." I go to take his hand but then I wonder, "Where's mom?"

"Taking a nap." He answers simply.

And he hadn't left the house. Yeah…don't mean to brag or anything, but I taught my baby brother pretty well.

I leave mom a note saying where we are, seeing as she's actually starting to care. "Let's roll little dude." I grin and take his hands, hoisting him up landing him on my hip. He gives a squeal of laughter. He likes the little rollercoasters at theme parks. He's just like me.

* * *

Nathan sits on my lap and sips my Blueberry Blitz smoothie. I brush his bangs out of his face. "I think it's time for a haircut Nathe."

He lets go of the straw. "Okay." He goes back to sipping my favorite flavored smoothie.

There's another long pause. "Say it." Freddie finally tells me. I glare at him and sneer. "Don't tell me what to do." I hate it when he tries to act tough.

He is getting older…but he's still little geek Freddie with the almost deeper voice that can't take a punch and whines about everything.

"Sam," I look at Carly. "Please?"

…I couldn't say no to Carly, I had no power to. I sigh and nod. "I'm sorry or whatever. I didn't give you enough breaks and," I cover Nathan's ears and he looks up at me in confusion before going back to his drink. "Giving you guys animal food. I guess I could have been nicer."

The two kids nod, but I keep my hands over Nathan's ears. Benson says something and then Carly looks at me. "…Animal food?" There's that look again, like she's torn between disappointment or agreeing with Freddie that it's just so '_Sam'_ of me to do with amusement.

I shrug. "It strengthens hooves." That had to mean feet on people. She looked amused now and shook her head.

Fred-dork and Carly try and patch things up, but I know better. It's why I have an envelope in my pocket for Carly with over four hundred dollars in cash. Oh yeah…I knew the game far to well to get out played by fourth graders. When I was their age this stuff was child's play to me. I made about a thousand and more dollars all in all. Some was going to Carly, some had gone to me and the clothes on our backs, and the rest had gone into the bank. I still have a hundred and some change left.

I follow Carly out with Nathan back on my hip. I could lug around a five year old for three hours and not get tired. It helped he was my brother. "Well, that was fun while it lasted." I take the smoothie from Nathan and take a sip before handing it back. "I'm gunna take Nathan to get a haircut. He can hardly see anymore."

"Meet us back at the studio?" She smiles. I nod and motion her closer. She gives me a curious look and I let the smirk play on my face when I see the jealous look on Benson's face. I pull out the envelope. "Some cash from the Penny-Tees." I mumble.

She blinks in surprise and looks at me. "But I thought,"

I shake my head. "I'm Sam Puckett remember. This kinda thing is what I do. I figured they'd go nuts. So I sold some ahead of time. Here." She took the envelope and opened it. "Four hundred smack-a-roos." I grin.

She looks like she doesn't know what to say, so finally she just settles on giving me a kiss on the cheek. I couldn't fight off the blush if I tried. "I uh- I'll see you at the studio." I make an excuse to get out of there quick. She nods, smiling as she tucks the money away.

"Let's get you a stylish trim little man!" I cheer.

"Yay!" Nathan shouts and giggles when I tickle his belly.

My life is easy and complicated and filled with different jobs and people and things I love, like, and hate. But right now…it's honestly pretty sweet.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: First iCarly story. It'll only be a few chapters long. It's a side story thing so I can get back into my writing mojo! Because college is warping my ease with certain POVs. Right now the first POV is the best I've got. It's easier than keeping track of EVERY other character.**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and maybe the new tech producer I might bring in. Let me know what you think! **

**A: Bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie**

**B: Take Freddie out and just get a new guy**

**C: Just leave Freddie there**

**Cast your vote! (I'll leave it up for maybe one more chapter. I'm still torn between A and C...cause I thought about it...and iCarly wouldn't be iCarly without him so ignore B.)**

* * *

Growing up sucks more than growing back down I think. I mean…cause first you're a kid…a baby who _has_ to be looked after. I'd read somewhere that the same motion that gets the baby in, gets the baby out. So…when you die…what's it like? A pull instead of a push? I wonder…

Second you're a teen and then an adult. The world is so much bigger and it's so much scarier than you took the time to notice in younger years. You have to answer everyone for everything and never stop to enjoy the little things on the way.

Third…I guess you're old and losing memory by then. If you live that long. The world has to seem smaller to you by then. If you've seen it all, done it all and actually lived your life to live it and how you wanted it. The world must be smaller than an ant to you.

A pull instead of a push…I sometimes wonder how Nathan looks at life.

If it's big and scary or small and uninteresting to his little mind.

* * *

I cut up the second to last meatball for Nathan, who is sitting in front of the coffee table watching cartoons. His hair isn't shaggy and hanging into his eyes now. It's trimmed and neat and now his hair is a little longer than Fredward's dorky style but still wavy.

"Thank you." He rubs his head like he's shy, by now I'm sure it's a habit.

I ruffle his hair and plant a kiss on his forehead. "Welcome little man." I sit back and try to eat my own meatball, even though I'm already stuffed.

We're at Carly's; mom went out for the night. She said she'd text me when she got back to the house. I'm not counting on much, but I'll admit she is doing a lot better. "Sam, quit eating will you? We've gotta study." I love Carly. Have I mentioned that? Oh yeah…only to many times to count.

"One more." I mumble as I pull the chunk of hamburger meat out of the single container.

She giggles. "You said that three 'ones' ago." She had a point. I still continue to hold it up and debate on eating it or even attempting to try.

"I have a problem." I lay my head on her shoulder and I can feel her rest her head on mine. She smells like strawberries, and I can feel the urge to eat meat give way to wanting to eat fruit.

"I think everyone is aware of that." She giggles, and I feel her fingers playfully pull on my hair.

Why did Fred-dork always have to ruin a moment between me and Carls? I swear he plans it out that way. "Hey," He just barges in…the well-mannered boy is disappearing to an almost jerk. "I found you guys." He is such a dork! "What goes on?" He stole that line from me.

"Sam is having a meatball problem." Carly was teasing.

Freddie was watching us carefully; I could feel the glare being shot at my skull. "Aren't you on the patch?"

I sit up as Carly nudges me. "She is." She lifts my sleeve to see three pink meat patches. I look at her at an angle. "Aren't they supposed to curb your cravings?" She looks me in the eye. I blink and nod. "Yeah but they aren't working!" I snap at the items on my arm and she knows it, it's why she's smiling.

I hold up the meatball, looking half a centimeter past it to her face. She doesn't seem to notice. "I still want you." I flick my tongue, knowing the food is nowhere near my face. I want Carly…I want her so bad it hurts sometimes. But, I'd settle for the less and the more of a relationship rather than a physical one, because she means so much to me that I could go the rest of my life as a virgin (as long as I can call her mine).

She looks at me like I'm the funniest person on Earth. Maybe to her I am, but that knowing look is back. Like she knows I mean her, and again…maybe she does. But I'm still too nervous to ask. "Put it down." She orders, and I have no other mission in life but to obey.

"Kay." I flick the fork toward the cup but the meatball rolls off the fork and onto the floor. Nathan giggles and looks back at me. I smile back.

"It goes in your belly." He pointed to mine.

"Yeah but I got to many in there."

Carly leans half on me and I fight off a rush of blood to my cheeks. "So then where does it go?"

"The trash!" Nathan turned and pointed to the trashcan in the kitchen. Carly praises him for his knowledge and he giggles more and rubs his head.

"He may skip to the second grade when he starts school next year." She looks at me. Oh yeah…I have to take him in and sign him up in the elementary section of the school. It'd help if I could make my mom go instead but she wasn't sure of this stuff after I was signed up for school and Melanie was shipped off.

"Here's hoping." I cross my fingers. My brother was smart. He deserved to shoot ahead and aim for the stars. I'd die before I let him end up like me and every other Puckett in our family we'd met.

I was the one who taught him everything he knows. Taught him how to tie his shoes, brush his teeth, use the bathroom (that was awful), ride a bike, and say his ABCs and 123s. Everything. He can say all his ABC but he's still having trouble with numbers. He's up to thirty now. He knows some of his addition and a little subtraction.

Yep…I've been his teacher since I taught him how to walk.

The computer made a sound that let us know somebody wanted to chat online. I grunt as I lean forward and check on Nathan's food, it's gone so I check on the little math problems I gave him. "Good job Nathe." I pinch his cheek gently and he shakes his head and makes a face. I ruffle his hair and sit back, looking at the meatball on the floor.

"Anybody know who Big Birch is?" Carly asked from the seat in front of the computer.

I look over at Freddie. "Oh, I told my mom she could give your screen name to her cousin's next door neighbor's brother." What gives him the right to do that?

"See Carls…I'm a mess…but I'd never give away your business without your okay." I just had to rub that in his face. He glares down at me; I can feel the burn on the side of my face as I watch Carly. She looks at me with a small grin that tells me to drop it and I do.

I smile at her country accent and look back at the meatball. I stand with a grunt that tells I'm full. "Wanna play meat golf Nathe?"

He nods, standing. "Yeah!" He jumps a little and looks up at Freddie. They stare at each other before Nathan's eyes narrow and he shakes his head at the nerd.

"What'd I do?" He seems worried. Maybe because last time he made Nathan upset…the little guy had somehow managed to get a slingshot set up inside Carly's door. And when Freddie opened the door Nathan blew a raspberry at him and let the sling shot snap an open bag full of flour and eggs.

I shrug. "You're just you dork." I hand Nathan a small golf club and take out one for myself. I swing carefully and he jumps out of the way of the rolling meatball, laughing. He swings it back and I let it roll between my feet. I tap it back, there are no real rules to this, and we're just having fun.

Spencer hops out. "Hey, did you save me a meatball?" He's talking to just Nathan and me because we eat more than anybody in this apartment put together.

"Yep." I walk over to Nathan, who is getting ready to hit the ball of meat. I set down my own golf putter and stand behind him. "Swing away like I showed you. Remember?" He nods and I lead him through a practice swing. I step back a few feet and he swings hard. Spencer catches it like its second nature.

Nathe has that old school Puckett strength. Spencer stares at him and Nathan stares back. There a pause before Spencer blinks and bites the meatball, even though it's been on the floor. "Thank you." So like Spencer. He goes back to his room.

Nathan looks back at me. "He ate it off the floor." He pushes some of his hair back. I nod. "And what do we never do?" I test him as I lift him up and set him back behind the table. "Eat food off the floor!" He raises his arms up with a wide grin on his face. God he's so cute!

I stand up straight. "So what did that guy want?" I'd caught a small glimpse of him over Carly's shoulder.

"He wants to propose to his girlfriend on the show." She smiles. "I think it's sweet. And it sounds kinda fun." She sits on the couch and places her hand on Nathan's head, pulling it back gently. He blinks up at her for a second before grinning. "Hi." He mumbles. She giggles and repeats his words. "You wanna help us out with the show?"

He nods as well as he can with his head tipped back. I wonder what she's planning.

* * *

I look at Nathan, unable to keep the smile off my face. He was so small and cute in his little outfit for the show. "Okay, you know what you're supposed to do right?" He nods. "Okay." I smile and brush a small part of his bangs out of his face. He'll be behind the tech set until we call him out.

Carly dances close to the camera as we get closer to the end of the show. "And for something new on iCarly,"

I lean closer to her than I need to, I always do and I always have just like I always will. "Something we like to call,"

"Random chatting!" We sing-song together and I click a button on the remote to make the words appear on screen to the viewers in crazy letters and music click on. I can see Nathan giggling at me as I do a silly dance. I'm a decent dancer, but here…I don't have to be anything but Sam Puckett…that girl that always tries to stay out of Juvenile Detention.

And Sam Puckett has the easy life with no rules. Not Samantha Puckett who has to look out for her brother and check in on her sister and always be the grown up when her mom was a child. After all…Samantha was the oldest child.

I click the button again at the camera like I'm angry, but I'm not. I'm so happy right now. I get to just be me. A teenager having fun with her best friend/major crush and her baby brother…and that other guy I want to go away more often than not.

"Yo Fredward, pick a random fan watching the show!" I snap at him.

"And put their face on that screen!" Carly motions to the TV and it flips out when I click a button.

Freddie steps back and taps a few buttons on his laptop. "And here's a random fan," Why is his voice always so annoying? Is it just me or is it just him? Wait…what was this lady's name again?

She's like a fifteen year old, but thirty on the outside. It's nice to have a show that reaches people of all ages.

"Jodie," So that was her name. "I was just wondering if you happen to have a boyfriend." The way she said it made me a little jealous.

The woman, Jodie, nods. "Yeah I do. His name is Gordon he's," I have to quit the habit of tuning people out when I get bored with that they say. I tune back in when she says where she thinks he is.

And 'Sam' slips out. The oh so typical comments people always expect me to say. "Well your boyfriend Gordon is a filthy liar!" I cheer. Words people expect me to say kinda just slip out now, like a defense reflex.

She looks at me funny and I click a button, clap with Carly and cheer with the fake laughter and claps. We step back as Gordon steps out. "Man, you guys are real." He gushes and I smile, looking over at Carly who scoffs with amusement at his words.

"Why are you on iCarly Gordon?"

Gordon seems to be the nerdy, scared type of person. "Well…I'm here cause they said they'd help me with something I've been meaning to do for a while."

And just before he continues Spencer bursts into the studio with a bag of chips. And because he's him, he thinks he's clever all the time. And several times he is…but this time he's not.

And Carly always seems to know what a person does or what they're thinking all the time. And I said before she doesn't know everything but she has the gift to correct mistakes and not make you feel like a dirt loser. Just that you were silly. Like Spencer always was.

The lady, Jodie, she has a crush on Spencer. I can tell because she's looking at him how I look at Carly, only with less infatuation.

And because Spence is Spence…he doesn't realize these little things.

We kick him out when he agrees with her that he should be on more. Maybe he should, but if he was on every episode then we'd have nothing to really pop at people. He's our wild card. Never know when he'll show up, or what colors he'll use, but he'll always make you laugh.

Gordon tries to speak but he's to stupidly male to know how to operate his body functions and work his voice box with his jaw. "We've been together a long time now," his voice even still cracks. "I just love you to pieces and uh," his voice cracks again. I feel annoyance sport in my gut like mold. It's quick to grow and once it starts it doesn't stop.

"Cut to the chance Gordon!" I snap, raise my arm, and click a button. The lights dim and Carly and I swing our arms like Hula dancer's but slower and more fluidly. We don't even have to try and be in sync. This is why we're made for each other. We just happen…and we just connect like that.

And I love every half-second of it.

The door opens and Gibby walks in, he hands the pillow he's carrying to Nathan and my little brother steps into view of the camera. I can almost hear every cute comment and sigh all teen girls and grown moms make about how cute he is.

He's in a little powder blue cupid costume toga. With gold trim on the little skirt thing and fluffy white wings on his back with those little olive leaves in a crown around his blonde locks. He holds up the pillow with the ring, and when Gordon takes it he strums his tiny fingers across the little harp we gave him.

He looks at the camera and smiles sweetly. "Cupid isn't so stupid." He grins, waving at the camera. "I'll be here till Thursday." He giggles and heads out with Gibby.

Carly looks at me. "I told him to say that." I gush with pride. He could have said something cornier…but iCarly is about comedy.

Long story short…she says yes and everybody is happy…until we get invited to the wedding. My smile slides off my face. I couldn't leave Nathan here with an only 'just' getting better mom. Sure she was on the up and up list but still…what if she relapsed while I was gone? I couldn't risk it.

"Uh…well I don't think…," I start but Carly cuts me off saying we'd love to go. Even though I know she hates the idea. "Only if you let my little brother come to." I state quickly.

He nods quickly. "Done."

"Oh and have Spencer come too!" Jodie shouts. She really likes him doesn't she? And she just said yes to a wedding? Some wife to be isn't she?

Carly and I got stuck as bride's maids. Ew. But the fact that Freddie got stuck as the best man to a total stranger was so much better.

Gordon tries to sing his song but it doesn't happen.

* * *

Mom is okay with me taking Nathan with me. He was excited to go. Mom mentioned dad always wanting to see the world.

"Did he ever travel?" I asked curiously as I packed a small bag for Nathan.

Mom was in the doorway. "Oh yeah, we traveled a lot before we had you guys." She sighed, and she looks at me again like she's seeing someone else. "He took me to Europe, a day in Spain and England and Italy and France. We even took a little three day vacation to China and then Japan. Saw Hawaii for almost a week. Had some fun in Canada. He was a guy that thought on the spot and did what was clear to him in the moment."

I was like my dad…wow. "So he was a trouble maker?" I smile.

She scoffed. "Where do you think you get it from?" I had thought I got it from her, but she was actually pretty well put together when she was sober and thinking straight.

* * *

The plane ride was nice all things considered. I sat across from Carly and Fredward, Nathan snoozing beside me.

Every now and then Carly and I would start to play footsies. She'd always giggle. Cause how can you play footsies with shoes on?

Her toes would curl up and she'd pull her feet back and I'd do a hushed fake cheer to show I was the winner. Benson always rolled his eyes when I did this.

"You're so you." He snipped at me.

"Better I be Sam than be Fred-dork." I snipped back. "Cause I'd hate to not even be a blip on the radar."

Carly hushed his come back and we went back to playing footsies. Ha, in your face Benson!

* * *

"Carly we look ridiculous." I hissed. She gave me that 'I'm really sorry' look that told me she couldn't do anything about it. I feel bad that it seems like I always thrust my problems on her shoulders. It's an old 'Sam' habit. I have to quit but old habits fall hard.

Carly and I are in cerulean blue dresses with purple clip on…something's with pale violet lace around the waist. She looks amazing in everything. I think she could make a garbage bag stylish. But this wasn't my style nor my taste.

I was a punk, plain and simple. I wore skate shorts and high top sneakers with some dumb shirt that had some dumb design. I didn't wear stupid dresses to a wedding of two people I'd only met the other day.

Spencer pulled off the tux and powder blue vest. But Freddie looks even dorkier than usual. But my little brother…I made sure he matched the general scheme but made it look good. I put a royal blue vest with an argyle design on it with a black short sleeved shirt and black shorts with blue and black converse on him. He was a snappy dresser if I may say so. (Even though I picked it out for him to wear.)

The bride to be screamed and pulled us into a group hug, I tucked Nathan behind me before she grabbed the four of us and bounced us up and down. I shook my head and looked back at Nathan who had a smart smile on his face.

"Oh, this isn't the right outfit." The lady actually tried to touch my brother.

I pulled him to my side. "I know. I got him dressed. Leave him alone."

"But," I shook my head and waved her off.

"He's five, leave him alone." I smiled as nice as I could. Carly stepped in to stop anymore awkwardness from happening.

This whole thing was crazy.

And the bride made Spencer really really uncomfortable, you could tell from the look on his face. But because he is who he is he doesn't get that she's flirting with him.

A guy walks up on Fredward, who turns and has to look up. See a bully is a bully for a reason. Because a bully has to answer to nobody. And that stink of fear becomes addicting.

"Hi." The tall man looks annoyed. I can't miss this for a second. But I do glance over as Carly stoops down and a second later she brings Nathan up with her and rests' him on her hip. I fix the back of his hair before turning back to the dork and the tall creeper.

"Hello."

"I'm Jeb."

"Hello Jeb." I can hear the nerves twitching in his voice.

"I'm the grooms brother, but guess what…I'm not the best man." That was…it didn't make sense at all really.

"Yeah…I didn't know he had a brother. I was surprised about it." He isn't sure what to say.

"Yeah I bet!" Jeb snapped.

Freddie was scared. Being a bully myself…I knew these things. His back was straighter than normal, his hands were fidgeting. Little twitches like these let me know he was nervous and scared.

He turned back to us with a frown. "No back up?"

I smirk and shake my head. "You don't need any…internet boy." I use a quick southern accent to pick on him. Carly nudges me and I drop it, turning my back on Benson and focusing on my brother and Carly.

It was almost a perfect picture to me. If Carly and I ever did have a kid and they looked like me…this is what it'd look like a picture. It reminds me of a wife and child waiting for the 'father' because they missed him so much.

I say ever because someday I'll get up the guts to tell her I love her. And someday she'll say those words back. It's like night and day…we just go together.

* * *

This was so boring! How could people just stand around and listen to some lame guy talk for forever? Its official, Carls and I are never getting married. We're just gunna go and get eloped somewhere.

Speaking of Carls, she was acting strange. While the priest went on about eternal love, respect, and companionship Carly nudged me and gave me a little smile. I couldn't help but smile back for a second. But I was so bored.

She nudged me again. "Don't pout."

"But I'm bored." And if I was this bored Nathan must be asleep. I glance over at the spot behind Spencer; Nathan was sitting on the steps looking bored to death.

I sigh. "This ceremony is eternal!" I finally snap. I see several heads nod but the man takes it as a compliment.

He finally reaches the end. And I let my chin rest on Carly's shoulder when he talks about that whole 'To have and to hold stuff'. She glances down at me with a small smile. She's jittery.

I'm making her nervous.

See all the body language lessons you learn when you're a bully? I plant a small kiss on her shoulder, but I'm not even aware I've done it till my lips are on her skin and she shivers.

I smirk against her skin and glance up at her. She shoots a glare at me but I just smile and place another small kiss on her shoulder before I pull back. Another great thing about being me…I'm the master at body language…so when I leaned forward and planted those kisses…to everyone else it simply looked like I was bored.

But now I had confirmation. I knew she liked me. But it was still a matter of talking about it and getting through that patch of thorns.

But I didn't have to worry about that now. Cause that bride to be dropped a bomb on the whole wedding. "I-I can't." I wanted to cry for wasting so much time here! "I think I'm in love with someone else." That…was funny.

Carly looks at me with worry, I shrug. Even though I knew she meant Spencer. Samantha Puckett sees all.

"Who?"

She giggles like a little school girl and it makes me think that Carly is even more beautiful than she is now. Because she'd never do something so low. And even if she ever did she wouldn't do it right at a crucial moment in life. "Spencer."

See? This girl sees it all and knows it all. Because I'm always three steps ahead of the game, mostly because I invented game.

We all look to the artist, he's blank stupid for a second…but then he gets it and a look of confused contempt passes his face and his clip-on bowtie falls to the floor.

Perfect camera moment going on right here.

* * *

Everything was a mess now because the bride-to-be couldn't keep her eyeballs in her head and directed at the right guy.

Spencer got a knee in the gut from an old lady. True chizz.

And my Cupcake being who she is stepped up and said something. He was her big brother after all. "Uncalled for much? He didn't do anything wrong. It's not his fault."

"And who are you?" Oh…nobody talks to my girl like that. Not even me.

"His sister. And there was no reason you had to," She shouts in pain as the old lady stomps on her toes.

I step between the two. "Watch it grandma. I'm not afraid to beat down a woman past her prime." I snap. She looks thoroughly insulted and raises her foot, I hold out a hand and she stops. "You stomp on me I will stomp back. Back off."

She huffs and walks away.

I turn back to Carly. "You okay Cupcake?" I help her stand up straight and she nods.

"Mean old lady." She hissed, making me smile. She lifted her sore foot and touched the red angry blotch forming on her skin.

"Want me to rub it?" He was never going to get over Carly, there would be other girls…but she had this untouchable factor about her. She looks over her shoulder at him and I glare at him over her other shoulder. He frowns, stepping back. "Never mind."

And then the groom-to-be was there, looking sad and lost and confused. Like I did when Carly wasn't around to keep me company.

He won't even let Spencer explain. I hated when people do that. You have an explanation that makes sense for once in your life…and the one time you can explain what happened you're never given the chance. I look over at Nathan who is sitting and eating some chicken fingers. "Is it rude to cut people off?" I ask him quietly so Gordon won't hear. He nods and I smile, ruffling his hair.

Carly steps in to help her brother. And that '_Sam'_ attitude that's so like me pops up And Freddie gives me that annoyed look that tells me it's so me of me to say what I say. "Got any tartar sauce for these fish sticks?"

Carly glares at me and hisses my name, making me shrug and step back. I was so Sam because I hated tension filled rooms. And ears full of noise that wouldn't let the silence through to listen to reason.

"Fine, we'll use the beef mustard." I sit in the chair in front of Nathan's and snag one of his chicken strips. Cause fish doesn't taste good with mustard of any kind.

And then Jeb is there…and there's really no reason for him to snip at Benson…but he's frustrated and jealous. And neither helps you think clearly. His brother is hurt and he's hurt because he wasn't chosen to help represent his brother at the second stage of his life. It must bite like chizz.

* * *

Benson's looking after Nathan, and my little brother is just glaring holes into his head and making the nerd very uncomfortable.

Carly took Jodie aside and Spencer and me stood by to watch. Well I was here for moral support. Spence was here to clear his name, most likely wishing he had never come with us.

"You need to marry Gordon." Carly acted like she was talking to a four year old. And for all the crazy giggling and bashful stupidity she may as well have been.

"But you don't understand; when Spencer and I first made eye contact you could just feel the chemistry between us." Ugh, gag me with a knife. "Right Spencer?"

He made a face. "No." He answered as soon as we looked at him. She thought he was kidding, she was the type that was afraid of rejection and when it smacked her in the face she laughed to cover the hurt and pretend the words that hurt her were never said.

She was like me. Only I didn't laugh in those situations. I got angry.

"Trust me, you don't want Spencer." Carly looked back at him.

He nodded. "I'm a mess."

I pat his back in an almost sympathetic way. "He has no job."

"Who would hire me?" He seems to be honestly asking himself that.

"He drinks milk in the shower." Carly states.

"He doesn't hang out with anyone his own age." I fill in.

"I've never been popular." Half is true and half is lies. Because Spencer can get along with anyone he meets, he just doesn't like hanging out all that much. Jodie seems very unsure now, good. Carly didn't need this nut-job as a sister-in-law.

Nobody did, it was like cruel and unusual punishment.

"He hasn't had a steady girlfriend since high school." Carly continues. Which he hasn't, but he dates quite a bit.

"And look at his flat butt." It was flat. Carly's was much nicer. Much, much nicer.

He turns on me, shouting. I knew it'd set him off. He's insecure about his body type, little muscle and getting a pudge in his belly. "Too far!" He takes a strip of chicken from my hand and flips it away. And I just blink up at him because I still have a whole tray of them.

"Pointless much?" I pick up another one and bite into it.

He shrugs.

* * *

Men were pathetic sometimes. Usually more often than people like to think…especially men. That's why they put out the bravado of muscles and power, because they're afraid.

Only Gordon didn't have bravado. He pretty much wore his heart right there on his sleeve.

Carly had a good idea, to make him sing his song. But he was too nervous. Freddie was still watching Nathan, who was now asleep in his chair.

"My butt is not flat." Man he really took my jibe to the head.

I look up at him with a bored expression. "Yes it is. You can ask a million people, they'll tell you the same thing."

"No they won't."

I shrug. "Then ask around man." I bite a chicken finger and chew it. That beef mustard was an empty promise. I love beef…I love mustard on beef…but I guess it's different just mixed together.

"If you sing her that song she'll realize how much she loves you Gordon." Carly insisted.

"Ow!" I look around quickly to see Fredward holding his hand. He looked over at me, standing. "He wakes up, I ask him if he wants anything to eat or whatever and he hits me!" He huffs and stomps over to Carly's side.

I give Nathan a look, and as much as I think it's so funny he'd do that…I gotta teach him right from wrong. "Nathe…,"

He pouts. "Sorry."

"Thank you." Freddie is still steaming white smoke from his ears. Oh well…life marches on doesn't it?

I love how she's so patient. I wonder if she loves it that I'm so not. "Just sing the song will you?" I snap. I was tired of being here, these heels were killing my feet and I was bored out of my mind.

And Spencer is still trying to prove he has a butt and I smirk when I see people are telling him he doesn't.

I just wanna go back to Seattle. I'd love to just lay on Carly's bed and take a nap right about now.

* * *

He bombed. He bombed so hard he actually started to wiz in his pants. I couldn't help the small bursts of laughter that escaped my lips here and there. I don't care who you are or where you're from…peeing your pants is funny in every language.

I set down my food tray and lifted Nathan onto my hip. "See the funny man?" He nods. "He's everything you never wanna be. Okay?" He grins, nodding again.

He tries to weasel out but Carly and I stop him. "Just get back up there and do it!" I hiss, readjusting Nathan on my hip.

"Get back up there mister!" Nathan points at the stage. I smile at him, he's so cute.

Gordon shakes his head. "No way I'm soaked. I'm still peeing now." Okay…gross and…gross.

We take a step back and I turn Nathan away from him.

He pauses and looks at Carly expectantly. Uh oh. "You could sing it for me!"

I smile, she was a great singer. "What? No way." But of course she's Carly and Carly is shy and bashful.

"Why not Carls?"

"Sam!"

I shrug and press my cheek to Nathan's. "Come on Carls, you can do it. You want Carly to sing Nathe?" He nods.

"Please?" She can't say no to us. And she knows we know that. We give her that patent 'Sam' pout that always sweetens the deal.

She looks like she's in pain. "Give me that." She snatches the mic away from Gordon and glares at me. "If I tank…you're going down." She threatens. But we all know she'll do great. She's Carly Shay.

"We are never coming back here." I hear her mutter as she huffs her way up to the stage. I creep around Gordon and stand in the back with Nathan on my hip.

And then that backup singer woman is touching my girl, like they're old friends. And I know she's only helping Carly look more like a woman and less like an awkward thirteen year old, but I can't help my jealousy.

The song starts after she explains what's going on. And she's only got eyes for me. It makes me feel like Supergirl.

That song may be for someone else by someone else…but she's watching me. And it's just like this song was made for us. Cause almost everything she's saying is stuff I've thought of when I'm with her. Like that time we'd gotten stuck out in the rain when we first started iCarly…I wanted to kiss her so bad but I couldn't.

She nods me over and I slink around the crowd to the front stage as she continues to sing for someone else but to my ears only. And I've heard amazing thing…seen amazing things…done some crazy stuff. But this trumps it all.

Cause nothing is sweeter than her voice.

(Remind me to thank Gordon for writing this song.)

The song is over and she's next to me, hugging me for some reason she won't say even though I keep asking. And Nathan has his small arms around her shoulder's giving her a hug too.

Spencer ends up on stage and when he mentions his butt…there's silence. He glares down at me and I shrug, mouthing, 'Told ya so.'

I plant a kiss on Carly's temple and she keeps sounding like she wants to say something but she doesn't know how. Just like me on a day by day basis when that so '_Sam'_ habit isn't popping up.


	4. Chapter 4

**The LAST time I use an iCarly movie besides iQuit iCarly (Which I will use) to write a chapter! This took me...from 9am...to 7:12pm if you can't see the section breaks then that bites...cause when the scroll bar gets to small it's really hard to get the mouse on it...so you're going to have to deal for this chapter. Sorry!**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and maybe the new tech producer I might bring in. Let me know what you think! **

**A: Bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie**

**B: Take Freddie out and just get a new guy**

**C: Just leave Freddie there**

**Cast your vote! (I'll leave it up for maybe one more chapter. I'm still torn between A and C...cause I thought about it...and iCarly wouldn't be iCarly without him so ignore B.)**

* * *

My dad is a good man. I just want to meet him.

I was on my way out to Carly's with Nathan when I heard her talking to someone. At first I though some new guy was around. But I peeked into the kitchen to see that she's talking over the speaker phone.

I look down at Nathan and make a hush sign; he nods and copies me before looking down.

"Am I a bad person Tanner?"

It's my dad she's talking to. There's a scoff sound, like he's almost laughing. "No. Everybody makes mistakes. You're my favorite person."

"Even after I kept the kids?"

"Even then, as much as I'd love to meet them in person."

"…How are you so decent?"

He makes a sound. His voice is soft but firm. Like a father's voice should be. Like he knows the world and its habits. Like he can sucker punch life in the face and not even think about it.

"I'm just me Pam. And you're just you."

Carly is shouting a conversation between floors with Spencer while I sit and play with the little boats in Carly's new coffee table with Nathan.

"It's not nice to kill things!" She shouts down the stairs. Nathan looks up at me and I look back.

"It's okay to kill a fly. They're gross and make people sick." I explain. He nods and goes back to his boat.

"Sam!"

I shrug. "What?" They were and they did. "Flies are gross." With their little maggot babies.

Something snaps downstairs and I look at Carly and she looks back. We haven't talked about the wedding and those little acts of affection. But I'm waiting for them to show up somewhere. Because I love Carly…and something this big I can't keep hidden for much longer anymore.

"Stay up here okay?" I rub Nathan's blonde head and he nods.

I follow Carly down the stairs. "Are you singing him up for school this year?" She asks curiously. I had to. I couldn't teach him everything.

"Yep. I got him signed up to take the test for what grade he should be in. Once he's done with that he'll be all set for next year." A smart one does plan these things quite far ahead.

"What are you doing Spencer?" I think she already knows what he's done before we get down there. She is a great reader of people. So am I, but in totally different ways.

He's Spencer and because he's him he'll get caught lying, because he should know better but he doesn't.

"Did you break the counter?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

Spencer started to make some excuse, but like Carly, when it comes to lying he kinda more than sucks at it. And Carly being who she is puts two and two together, taking the umbrella and looking up at him. "Trying to kill the fly?"

He made a face, knowing he'd been caught. "Flies like to die you know."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he copied her, taking the umbrella away. I laugh and call Nathan downstairs.

"Is he going to come to webicon with us?" Carly asks curiously. I shrug, not sure if I should or if I shouldn't. I could leave him here with Spencer if I chose not to.

Fredward opens the door as Nathan hops down the last few steps and runs over to me. I scoop him up and hug him. "Hey guys." He never knocks…I didn't have to. Carly told me a long time ago not to bother with it. She told me it did make her uncomfortable that Freddie just came in when he wanted to though.

She's too nice to tell him so though.

"Guess what's in this box?" He smirks. Any secret Benson may have is never worth anyone's time. But I play along and answer the '_Sam'_ ways he expects me to, because after so long I can't help those habits and words that come out of my throat like puke.

"Doughnuts?"

He gives me the look that tells me it's so me of me to think of food. But I am always hungry. "No."

"Muffins?"

"No." He looks annoyed.

"Corndogs?"

"No! It's not food."

I shrug, setting Nathan down, who just stands between Carly and me. "Then who cares?" Now I'm hungry.

"What's in there?" Carly asks nicely, she has to be nice where I'm mean.

"Just some photos." He thinks he's fancy huh?

"Of doughnuts?" I ask quickly, just to bug him now.

"No! Seek help for the food issue."

I glare at him and look at Carly. "He's picking on me." I pout. She smiles, knowing I don't mean it, but she takes my hand and looks at the nerd.

"Freddie." Like he's the sad child here. He gave her a surprised look. Is it so shocking she'd take my side? I really think not.

He huffs and rolls his eyes, because it's so '_Freddie'_ of him to be annoyed with what's so '_Sam'_ of me. And it's so '_Carly'_ of Carly to calm us down and re-screw our skulls on right.

He pulls out a picture. "Pictures of me." God, just when I think he can't be more of a dork…he shocks me with another act of dorkness.

And when we all laugh he looks confused. I glance back at Spencer, who's laughing to; Nathan is on the counter next to him. When did he get there? He's giggling at the picture of Fred-dork.

"What?" Like he shouldn't know already.

Carly shakes her head. "It's just a funny pose."

"It's natural." He snaps, looking hurt at her comment.

I laugh and strike the same pose as in the picture. "Yeah it is. I pose like a knock-off Jake Bran all the time, don't you Carls?"

"Totally, I find it natural and not at all stupid looking." She copies me.

Spencer jumps in. "Bran." He strikes several of the Jake Bran cameo. "Jake Bran." We laugh with him before he steps back. "Why do you have a billion pictures of yourself?"

"Just a thousand." Like that sounds better. "And they're for signing at webicon."

Carly steps forward, happy, and I'm jealous she's look at him like that. "Your mom is letting you come with me and Sam?"

He wants to show off, act like he's a tough guy and he never will be. "My mom doesn't control me anymore." But we all know she always will.

Carly is back next to me, shooting an amused glance my way, making me smirk. "Did she say you have to sit next to the emergency exit?"

He pauses, proud grin falling from his face. "Yes." He mumbles.

"And to text her five times a day?" I add.

"No." He glares at me. I smirk back, because picking on Fred-dork is always fun for anybody of any age to do.

"Six?"

"Maybe!" Who actually admits it? If he wants to seem tough for Carly he would act tougher. But Benson doesn't have an idea of tough because his dad isn't around. I imagine it's because his mom is a psycho…or maybe she's a psycho because he's not around.

"I heard this year's webicon is gunna be twice as big as last years." Spencer spoke up. Now I knew I couldn't take Nathan. He doesn't do well with extra attention.

"One more reason I don't want to go." Only I do want to go. Because Carly wants to go because it means something to her, and Carly means the world to me so this webicon means something to me too. I want to go to be close to her, to share more than we already do and maybe bring up the wedding.

"Come on Sammy, anybody who's anybody is going to be there." One more reason it should be all about Carly. Because…,

"Most people there are gunna be losers, nerds, and stub rags." They didn't deserve to be around my girl. And to be honest…neither did I. Like my mom had brought up so many times in the past…I was born on a bus. "It'll be like a Benson family reunion." It comes up all the time, the '_Sam'_ puke fest of mean words and harsh digs.

"I'd be more offended if I knew what a stub rag was." He looks at Carly, he always looks at Carly. But Carly never looks back. She only glances his way.

I'd tell him…but Nathan is here. And if I pick on him more than Carly will get upset. So I shrug and I do what 'Sam' does. "Nothing nice, pretty, fun, or good." I'd be more like me but I don't feel like covering Nathan's ears and answering any of Spencer's questions about it.

Carly is next to me playing a hand game with Nathan. Spencer grunts, and swings at the air in front of his face. "I thought I killed you!" He shouts.

"Spence!" Carly glares at him. And I know she's worried about with Nathan will think, but he couldn't care less about what Spencer says. The only one that gives Nathan any impressions of anything is me.

"Is it okay to kill flies?" I ask him, leaning on the counter.

He nods, smiling. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Cause they're gross and make you sick!" He was proud of himself for remembering. I ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek.

"Just never go about it like Spence here."

We all look at him and the fly lands on his nose. Nathan points. "On your nose."

Spencer nods. "Oh I know." He hushes us and reaches for his face slowly. I half expect him to smack himself in the face, but he doesn't. He actually catches it in his hand and looks pretty happy. "Got you, you little blood sucker!"

Do flies suck blood? I thought that was just those other bugs.

"No you didn't." Carly has a smirk on her glossed lips. I wonder for a moment what flavor it is.

"Oh no, then look at the," and because he had done something so un-Spencer of himself…nature had to fix itself didn't it? He opened his hand and the fly got away. "Aww." The sound of utter defeat.

He circles himself a few times, looking around for the buzzing sound. "Stub rag!" He calls, even though he doesn't know what it means. It's just a clever insult.

Eating has always been easier than talking. Moving your mouth and no words come out. It's like natures sign language.

But talking is easier when you're Nathan's age. You can't explain things through action because you don't know enough of them yet. So he has to talk as best he can to get his point through.

"What's going on?" I ask, stepping into the studio with a chicken leg that had a few bites in it. I had just put Nathe down for his nap.

"Just checking the iCarly website." The adorable brunette informs me. I take a bite of my chicken leg.

"Anything good?" I lean closer to her than needed, as usual.

"Here's one," She smiles. "I love watching iCarly but my mom says Sam is a bad remodel."

It's so like a good parent to think I care about nothing more than getting into trouble. And it may be fun but it's not all I think about. But the '_Sam'_ puke fest of words is back. "Smart mom."

"I know right?" Ouch…that hurt. But tough skinned Sam never lets it show. Always have to have a poker face.

Benson was packing in the corner for webicon. He took out two small bottles of what I assumed was shampoo and conditioner. "Hey, don't you guys love how travel sized bottles make you feel like a giant?"

…Fredward would always be Fredward.

I glanced at Carly who was trying to decide if she should laugh or cry because she can't choose if it's funny or just sad. Because now he's grunting and walking around like an idiot pretending to be a giant.

He would always be him, and because he was him it was why Carly would never ever go out with him.

He looks embarrassed when he sees Carly's face. I nod and smile almost sadly, "Chalk that tally on the list."

"List of what?" He asks in confusion. Like he really needs to know.

"The list of all the reasons you don't have many friends." The list goes on, because his only friends were Carly, Spencer, Gibby, and maybe a few nerds at school.

I didn't consider him a friend. He'd gotten a score for peer pressure. That utter disappointment and guilt I felt after that kiss was his fault. I was tough skinned Sam…and I had felt like a nub when I actually felt pressured into a kiss, and I figured it was better with someone I know than with some jerk. But if I could go back and fix it…my first kiss would be Carly.

Always Carly…in a million different dimensions with a million different lives. It would always be her every single time.

He'd gotten one score on his board for peer pressuring me…and I'd always hate myself for it. And because of that I'd always hate him for it.

"Oh, a clip from a fan." Carly re-calls my attention to her and I smile.

"Play it."

"How do I put it on the monitor?"

"Command J."

I mimic him and he glares at me, making me roll my eyes.

The TV flips out and a very lonely looking girl pops up with paste white skin. I flinch and stand behind Carly. She's a mess to be seen in a museum.

Her voice is nasally, and it looks like she's stuffed raisins up her nose. I rest my chin on Carly's shoulder and offer her some of my chicken, she smiles at me, shaking her head. I take a bite and chew as we watch.

I had to tease, it was like 'Sam' puke fest of words but…this time I just wanted to have fun. I made myself say it. Not the habit. "I see a future girlfriend for Freddie." I sing-songed.

Carly giggled and I smirked wider when he glared at me.

Carly hits pause, and me being me I don't really care about much else but Nathan, Carly, Melanie, Spence, and sometimes my mom (which is becoming more often).

"This is the saddest thing I've ever seen." Carly mumbles.

"Should we go?" Benson looks at Carly, because she's the leader, maybe not fearless…but that's why I'm here.

"Yeah." She states quickly.

"No." I didn't want to go.

"But Sam," Carly looks at me…and I want to tell her that I feel bad for her…I do. But I can't tell her so. Because what I say will be to mean.

See…life is like a T.V. show, and for us it really was. And if this Norah's ratings were falling…if she was doomed to be canceled from the Guide list of channels…it was sad. But it was her problem. We can't save everybody.

"No Carls, I don't wanna go to that chicks lame birthday party."

"She has a sad life." That's Carly, always trying to help others. She's so much better than me.

I shrug as the word puke fest of 'Sam' comes up. "So does Fred-weird. You don't see people in a line outside to save his butt. You can't fix the world."

She looks hurt, like she wants to fix the world and she wants you to think she can. Only you know she can. Because that's just who she is.

She ran the video and I snipped at everything she said. Until she mentioned the chocolate fountain, and me being me and the way I love food…I have to go. And Carly is giggling again…and it makes me happy.

Nathan was going to be staying with Spencer while I was away. Mom was going to visit a family member. She said it was a cousin, but I think she's going to talk with dad. I'm surprised she kept in contact with him all this time.

She was dropping us off.

"Alright," she looked back at Nathan who was strapped into his toddler seat. "Got everything you need?"

He nods. "Yeah!" He rubs his head.

"What about you?" She looks at me and I nod.

"Yep, enjoy your vay-cay." We were getting along a lot better since we started therapy. I hoped out, slung my bag over my shoulder and helped Nathan out.

"Bye mom." He waves. I sling his bag onto my shoulder as she waves back. She waits until we're inside to drive off. Yep, she's doing way better.

I drop Nathan off. "I'll text you when it's time for his nap, snacks, and bed." Breakfast and lunch should be obvious.

Spencer nods. "Got it. Is he a bed wetter?"

I shrug. "Just don't give him anything to drink before his nap or bed time." I grab my bag and head for the door. "Text me if you need to know anything else. Bye little dude." I turn and smile at him He waves.

"Bye Sammy!" He giggles.

I love him so much. This would be the first time he's been at the Shay's to sleepover without me here.

When I close the door I look at Carly, she smiles and I grin back. "To the cab to webicon!" I point, making her giggle.

We get to her house and its dark out already. I sigh and shake my head. I really didn't want to be here. My phone buzzed and I flipped it open to see a text from Spence.

_'Gibby's gunna b stayin wit Nate n me this wk. end'_

I simply texted back, '_k'_. and put my cell away.

I pluck a deflated balloon that looked like it had been sitting there since she turned fifteen. Yep…she was doomed to be removed from the guide list. "Looks like it'll be a rockin sweet sixteen.

Carly gives me a look of bemusement. "Could you try and improve your attitude?"

For her I could jump Mt. Fuji. "Give me some sugar." And when I say it I mean I want a kiss and I think she knows that from the look she gives me, but she smiles and looks back at the door.

A hole in the door opens up…and that girl's pasty white face pops through. She's even more of a dork than Freddie, and not in the harmless way.

"No way!" Ugh…that face. I grimace and tug Carly by the sleeve back towards me. This chick was clearly a nut case.

"Happy Birthday." Carly greeted the girl, and Fred-weird said something in Spanish I could have sworn was Merry Christmas. I don't think he's as smart as he wants to think he is.

She said iCarly was her life so Carly didn't really have to say who she was, who we were. But she was being polite.

I stand close to Carly as backup. This girl was nuts! Because me being a bully and bullies excelling in the art of body language, I can tell something is off.

From the weird twitches in her face, to the smiling too much, to the clothes she wore, to the fact that she had no even one friend.

"I dunno," I glance around the place after Carly states someone may show up soon. She nudges me and I shrug.

We spot the clown. What sixty year old man doesn't retire from the clown bizz?

"He's eighty-seven," Oh Jesus! "And his name is Cramps." Oh God we gotta get out of here and quick. I nudge Carly and whisper in her ear.

"She's crazy, she's gunna chop us up and hide us under the floor boards!" I hiss. And I'm sure she's fully capable of it.

Norah goes to start some music and I pull Carly away from Cramps and who could be his crazy granddaughter for all we know.

"Sam we can't just leave." She gives me that tone that tells me to just drop it, and I do…for now.

"Oh, here's a tasty tape." Wow…just…wow. Who listens to tapes anymore besides those wrinkled bodies in retirement homes?

Freddie whips around to give us a pleading look when Norah heads his way with what I guess she thinks is a cute look on her face. He gets pulled into a dance and I can almost hear him cry.

Carly spots Cramps the clown heading over to us and turns quickly, throwing her arms around my neck and my hands automatically slid to her waist on auto pilot.

I move away from him so he gets the idea. And it's nice. The song bites chizz, but being with her like this. It's nice. It's like if I could breathe happiness…this would be it. Maybe in a different setting instead of a crazy chicks house, but this would do for now.

All I can think of without my brain going into overdrive is that our bodies fit like a puzzle almost. She sighs and rests her forehead on my shoulder, even though she's taller than me.

And then the ambulance is here and a dead clown is being rolled out the door. And I'm as shallow as I'll ever be because I'm still in happy land from getting to dance so close to my Cupcake…and I don't feel bad about it.

I grab myself a drink and I'm kinda edgy to drink it because I'm scared it's drugged, but I'm to thirty to think twice about it.

"I'm really sorry your clown had an aneurism." How do you apologize for that? But Carly is Carly and Carly is so nice she's sorry about most wrongs.

And I guess I miss several steps of something because I blink and she's sobbing into her fireplace like she's trying to kill herself. And she just might be.

"Can we go?" I sigh. This was getting depressing.

Carly and Fred-weird glared at me. "She is sobbing into her fireplace! We can't just leave her here!" She snaps, and I start feeling a little bad. But just not really, because it's a reflex to build a wall to keep me from feeling sorry for people I don't really care to know.

"I just want to get to the hotel, order room service, check in on Nathan and go to bed." I motion towards the door. I was overdue for a call to Spencer to let him know it was Nathan's snack time before bed.

"I wonder where her parents are." Benson mumbled.

Ugh…more puke fest words. "Yo Norah where's your mom and dad?" I shout. Carly glances at me and I shrug.

You know…if I had to give the puke fest of words that are so like '_Sam'_ to say a taste…I guess they'd taste something like stomach acid, seeing as its where they came from.

She pulls her head out of the fireplace. I make another face. I still can't get over how much it looks like she has raisins stuffed up her nose. "They took a trip to Stanker, Wyoming." Wow…even her parents wanna get away from her.

Somehow I find that understandable.

"You're their only kid…and they pick now of all times to take a trip?" Benson pipes up. Wow…that'll cheer her right up.

"They got a super saver deal for 290. Better than the usual cost of three hundred I guess." She sighed.

I made a face. Her parents were desperate.

Carly and Benson are on either side of me now. "If you heard a loud crack just now…that was my heart breaking." Carly mumbled, hand over her chest.

I couldn't feel the sympathy. People were different sure…but this chick was a touch over much.

"We're sorry this birthday isn't going so great." Fred-weird mumbled. Smooth Benson, real smooth.

She shrugs. "It's okay. I've had worse birthdays." She half smiles.

She's had worse birthdays than this…and she's still on the guide list? No way! "Hold on," here it comes…the inner punk in me that cares for nothing but herself. "Dude…you're parents abandon you…nobody showed up to your party," I can feel Carly tugging my sleeve but the punk in me ignores her. "And then your clown burps and has an aneurism. No offense…but what exactly qualifies as worse?"

And then I feel bad because Carly is giving me that disappointed look I hate seeing on her face. What the chizz Puckett, don't you ever know when to shut your yap?

And now she's crying again and Carly slaps your arm…even though she's not trying to really hurt you it still bothers you.

Carly's always been able to think quickly. Think quickly in the smart good way and not the quick bad way that gets me into trouble more often than not. "I know what we can do."

I look at her. We're going to be here even longer? I shake my head; I need to talk to Spencer. Nathe needs to take his bath and go to bed soon.

"Let's do a little iCarly just so they know we're here. I'm sure people will show up in no time."

"As opposed to going to our hotel and pretending this never happened?" I snip, I was tired and irritated and worried that Nathan wasn't going to be in bed on time. If he went to sleep too early he'd be up at the crack of dawn, too late and he could sleep till noon.

"Sam," Carly gives me that look and I huff, shutting up about it. "Text Spencer. I'll help Freddie get set up."

I nod. "Finally!" I duck away and text Spence.

'Where's Nathe?'

'Watching a movie with Gibby'

'He needs 2 take his bath'

'Okay, thn wat?'

'Bed at 9, 8 if he's 2 tired'

'Got it'

'Give him his granola bar before bed and make sure he brushes n flosses'

'Si '

…Spencer is Spencer.

I stand and go over to the section of the living room Carly and Freddie are setting up in.

"You guys are gunna do iCarly in my house?" Norah is so super happy…but I just want to go! I can't shake this feeling in my gut.

I shake my head. "No." Trying one last time.

"Yes." Carly looks back at me and I sigh in defeat. What she says goes. I just want her to be happy…and if making some psycho happy makes her happy, then I guess I'm happy.

And then Norah is talking…then she's choking…and then she's puking into her fireplace. She needs therapy more than my whole family does.

I don't wanna be here. But I put on my 'Sam' face and let the words I know the inner punk in me can say with no problem roam free. I'm an eagle on iCarly. Free to say and do almost anything I want, except tell the girl of my dreams I love her of course.

"In five, four, three, two…" Here we go!

"Supreez de Supreeze!" We shout and I click the button to make it pop up on the screen for our viewers to see. It's not as fun outside the studio, with all the crazy gadgets we have set up and the awesome light show. Here…it's just the one light setting and it's so boring.

I miss home!

I couldn't touch her, Carly could but I couldn't. She freaked me out to much.

"Better hurry!" Carly grins as we tell them where we are. I'm praying people will show up, because I don't like the idea of Carly and me staying here any longer than we have to with just Benson.

"You already missed the clown!" It was uncalled for…but me being who I am on iCarly…it was okay.

It's hard to dress up when you don't have the props for it. So I just smacked on the mustache Benson had (for some reason) and slipped on a cowboy hat. We had to improvise.

I heard Freddie give the cue and I open the door with Norah's pet chicken…what's his name? Moirés?

"And now, The Cowboy and the Idiot Farm Girl who Thought the Cowboy's Chicken was a Sports Car." Benson announces.

I sigh as I sit in front of the piano and act like it's a bar with a glass of Rootbeer I didn't trust any more than the punch. I have a red bandana around my throat and I take a sip of the soda.

I sigh as if it's good even though it's so full of acid I just wanna burp the flavor back up, but halfway along it gets stuck so I keep going. "Hey," I talk to the chicken. "Cletus," I'm makin crap up on the spot. It's what I'm known for. "Wanna sip of this here rut beer?" I hold the mug under his beak and to my surprise he actually drinks some.

Then Carly is there. Her hair in those cute little pigtails that curl at the ends with a cowgirl hat on her head, her shirt tied into a knot (I'd have been so happy to do this back in the studio when she actually wear a belly shirt), her voice takes on a specific accent and she's in character as good as I am. "Hey!" She drawls.

This skit is supposed to be us flirting, but there's a part of me that's saying…even if we took off the costumes and we were just us…we'd still be doing the same thing if we were alone.

"Hello there young farm girl." I'd never admit it, but I like being a little shorter than Carly. Because I beat the stereo type. Short people are weak and immasculine (male or female), how wrong were they?

"You're a cowboy." She giggles. She's so cute I could honestly rip off her clothes and take her there live on camera. But I don't. I stiffen my arm muscles and stay in character.

I nod to the camera and tip my hat. "Yes, I surely am that."

She gasps and looks closer to the chicken. "How much did your sports car cost?"

"Pardon me?"

She looks at me and points at the chicken. "This sports car. Was he expensive?" She giggles and pets the chicken more.

"Oh now missy, surely you must've taken a handful of idget pills," I almost snarl at the camera and Freddie glares at me because I called him a name. "For this here ain't nary a sports car, him's a chicken."

She giggles more and looks at me and just like that time in the rain…I just wanna kiss her.

"Does he have leather seats?"

"Uh, no ma'am. He's-a-made of feathers!"

"Does he come with GPS navigation?"

"What the- now listen here she-dummy," I'll have to say sorry as soon as we're done. I don't like picking on her like this. "This here is the all-blessed." Just being around Carly made everything blessed in my eyes. Its lame I know…but so true. "Ain't no GPS navimagation done been invented yet!"

I fight the urge to smile and laugh when she smells the chicken. "Mm, I love new car smell."

I grab the front of her shirt, and I hold it tight but I'm as gentle as I can be without making it obvious I'm not being forceful. She pretends to act scared but she know I'd never hurt her. And she's so close I can smell her breath…its blueberry. My favorite fruit…sometimes.

"I will thank you kindly," I grit out from between my teeth, because it's taking all my will power not to lean in and kiss her. "Not to sniff my chicken." I see her glance at my lips as I keep glancing at hers. I pull myself away and act stand-offish.

And then we're done with the show and the place is full of people. Benson packs up the gear and Carls and I are back in our outfits (Unmodified). We're dancing together again, only now Fred-weird is with us and trying to hog all of Carly's affection.

Stub rag.

Everyone is gone and I try and get us out quick, it's late and Nathan is in bed at Carly's. I just want to leave and go to the hotel. I've got this ugly feeling in my gut.

And one thing I've learned in my sixteen years of living my life…always trust your gut instinct.

I move with Carly everywhere she goes. When she takes a step so do I. I don't trust this Norah chick, not for a second. I've always looked after Carly, always. Except that one time where my heart was almost shattered. Fred-weird saved her life…and I couldn't do anything. I'd never felt so worthless.

So now…I watched her like I did with Nathan. Like a hawk when we were in public. I never let him leave my site. And just like then, my eyes were glued over Carly's shoulder at psycho's face.

I was her first and last line of defense. She called me for help before anybody else was called. I wonder if she thought of me before she was pushed away from the truck.

She runs to hug us and I pull Carly back quickly, she looks at me curiously as I pull Freddie in front of us. He groans in distaste as he gets the full brunt of her hug. "Sam what's wrong?" She whispers into my ear. I turn to her, in no real rush to distract the crazy chick from her future nerd.

"We need to get outta here. I've got this really bad feeling Carls."

She smiles like I'm being silly and shakes her head. "Relax will you. We're gunna get our bags and go now okay?" I nod.

Finally! This place was driving me up the wall.

"We're leaving now." I pulled Benson out of the hug as his constant sounds of pain were annoying me.

She looked upset. "Do you have to?"

Carly nods. "Yeah, we really need to get to our hotel."

Benson looks around for something I noticed a while ago. But it didn't hit me until it was mentioned. "Where's our luggage?"

She looks almost guilty and frowns. "Oh, I put them in the basement so nobody would grope them." Okay she seriously needs to leave the house for more than just school. "Follow me."

Oh god…a wave of panic hits me like a punch in the stomach, but Carly is pulling me along and I know if I pull away she could get hurt. She gives me a look that tells me she wants me to pull her away but that I can't.

She's too nice.

Norah says step every time her foot hits one as she leads us downstairs. And I just want my legs to kick in and carry Carly out of here. But Benson is too enthused with the tech set and Carly wants to see the sound box. And I follow Carly inside because I can't leave her alone, and I don't know what this chick can do.

She locks the door behind us and I try not to be smug and give Carly and 'I told you so' look. I'm not sure what to do but suddenly I get crazy angry. This place is to much like Juvie!

I see Carly duck away from me and I feel guilty for making her scared. I hear a scream and I lift a mic stand and raise it over my head. It's wild and crazy and raw. I realize the one screaming is me as I bang the stand against the window again and again.

And Norah is gone and then she's back, but she's gone again when I blink. I was like this in Juvie. I couldn't help it. I blink and something is always different. My doctor said it was some symptom I forgot the name of. Where you go into wild fits of rage and just loose it, blacking out while you do so.

He told me I could snap someone's arm and not know it while I was like this. I was nervous being around Carly like this, but something told me I wouldn't hurt her.

And suddenly she's there, telling me stop and that I've been doing it for hours, only I don't know it. I nod, and suddenly I can hear the world around me again and I can see clearly. Nothing is red or black anymore. But I'm still stuck in this sound box with Carly and Freddie. And I'm mad again because I didn't follow my instinct and take Carly away.

"I'm hungry." I mumble. She nods and sits me down beside her. I blink and I'm on my feet banging on the window again, and I'm screaming at her to let me have my phone because I need to talk to my baby brother. I blink and Carly's there, another blink and suddenly I'm calm, eating Chinese food and snuggling against Carly.

I stand, totally calm and aware of myself. She smiles at me and I glare back. "I got a baby brother to look after, Carly has a brother to go home to, and Benson has a mother that'll send the National Guard out for him if he's late getting home by five minutes." I start. I'm mostly worried about Nathan. "Now you're gunna let me out of here and we'll leave you alone…or the next time I get out I'll punch your head in so hard your brains come out of your ears!"

It was my favorite threat. She looks worried, but shakes her head. "Nope."

"He's five! And Spencer is a man-child! You can't leave kids with him unsupervised for more than a day or two!" Not totally true but not a whole lie. I huff and sit back down, chewing on my duck bone. You can, after all, pick a lock with anything sharp.

It's mid-day now. We've been trapped in this stupid box for a whole day now. I continued to chew on the duck bone. Now I wasn't even worried about the webicon, I just wanted to go back to Carly's eat some free food and go sleep in a real bed.

Carly is trying to talk her into letting us leave, but this girl is selfish and her ears I plugged. "If you're this bad and this crazy I can see your parents never coming back." I snap finally. Which they probably weren't.

There was a silence and I didn't feel bad about what I said in the least.

Life sucks a lot sometimes. Especially when you've been kidnapped and you may never see your brother, sister, mom, funny artist friend guy ever again.

"I want more food!" I snap, the duck bone I was chewing on broke because I was so upset.

All she wanted was a kiss from Fred-weird. Wish granted.

The bone I've been gnawing on is finally sharp enough to use.

"Norah?"

"What's up Carls?"

"Can I please have some hot mustard for my eggroll?" What was she up to?

Norah agrees and when her hand is through the window's window Carly grabs her and pulls hard. That's my girl! I jump up and help her, reaching out and grabbing the girl's shirt and slipping the keys easily between my fingers without her really noticing.

But we both loose our grip and Norah's face has left an ugly grease mark on the glass. Jeeze…pasty skin to the max. "Hey maybe you should wash your face kid." I call as she stomps away and I help Carly to her feet.

There's a silence and then psycho is laughing and saying she can't stay mad at us. Carly would have to pry me off her corpse when I got outta here, cause I'd make do on my promise to punch her brains out.

She runs upstairs and I slip over to the door and insert the bone. I ignore Freddie as I pop the lock, being in this place was making me crazy. I couldn't do small spaces, it wasn't in me.

"You can pick locks with a bone?" Carly asks curiously, making me chuckle.

"You can pick a lock with a needle if you wanted." I smack the end of the bone and the lock is open. We rush out and I feel that rush I get from leaving the rules of confinement behind me, and then I'm back to being crazy upset because she's back down the stairs with a mask and an axe and I push Carly back into the room and suddenly I'm just _there_.

I realize I still have the keys. I gotta get out of here. The girl…what's her name again…Norah…she was upset. But I was to lost to care. I'm gone.

And then Carly's face is all I can see and she's asking me if I'm alright. I'm back to being me. Being in places like this really make me loose it. I nod and she helps me up.

She's gone. I slip out the keys and look at Carly. "Let me see one of your hair clips." We've already been I here almost two days. She takes one out and I go to the small window in the window.

If I'm careful and quiet I can ease this little window open and open the door. The air seems to go stiff as I ease the hairclip under the small space and pry it up. My arm is through and I'm so careful not to drop the keys. I turn the key in the lock and it snaps open.

"Let's go!" I pull my hand back and I go out first, this time we're quiet. I try the axe and find it's only made of fake plastic and rubber. Then I spot a baseball bat and grab it. "Follow me." I whisper. Freddie grabs his bag of tech stuff (can't leave that behind…you can always buy more clothes).

The stairs don't make a sound and the whole place is quiet. It's like being in an over paid for horror film festival. I open the door and glance around, raising the bat. We're almost free.

"NO!" She's coming out of the kitchen. Freddie grabs Carly and they bolt for the door, he moves awkwardly because of the bag. And when psycho lunges at me I slam the end of the bat into her gut and she's on the floor. I keep the bat in hand as I follow after Benson and Carly.

Lucky we have enough cash put together to catch a train home.

We fall into Carly's room. I actually ignored Nathan for the first time after I made sure he was okay. I pull Carly over to the bed carefully and we fall carelessly on it.

"Next time…maybe you'll listen to me." I mumble.

She nods, closing her eyes. "Definitely."

God, it was good to be home.


	5. Chapter 5

**I've decided to bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie...so he has a friend to bond with :p**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and maybe the new tech producer I might bring in. Let me know what you think! **

* * *

We called the cops on Norah the morning we woke up. Hope she enjoys her time in prison.

* * *

When you're a kid…I wonder what inspires you to move. To do something good or bad. To pull a prank or tell on the one pulling the prank.

Is it a movie…peer pressure…your own brain…what makes you do these things and what makes them become so addicting that you can't stop? That you have no desire _to_ stop.

What pulls your trigger?

…I do wonder.

* * *

"This week on ," I start, so happy to be back at doing what I do best.

"Some of our fans sent us an awesome prank video." Carly finished. I have to tell Carly how I feel soon, I'm sick of it chewing up my insides like this.

"Show them the video Fred-wiener!"

"Sure thing Sam…," Mm…this was why Freddie was Freddie and I am Sam. Because I have the insults, and it's why he's behind the camera. "Jerk." He finishes lamely.

I smirk. "Yeah, stay behind the camera where you belong."

He mumbles something and I roll my eyes before turning to the screen with Carls.

"We filled a pickle with fake blood, check out what happened!" …you can actually do that? Do you use a needle?

A man sitting and enjoying TV eating a simple snack. Respectable. He bit into the pickle and the fake blood gushed out. I couldn't help my laughter; the look on his face was to good. But I'd panic too, if blood came from something while I was eating…I'd wonder what it was from and flip for a good few minutes.

"Oh man, when isn't the bloody pickle hilarious?" I smile at the camera.

Carly giggles before becoming serious and looking off. "When the pickles children are watching." And now we're both pretending to be sad and we hold up a few baby pickles.

"Poor pickles." We fake cry. "I'm sorry you're so delicious." I take a bite out of one of mine. And Carly's giggling and crying and trying to pull off her act of tears as I bite into one of hers.

I like pickles…they're a tasty treat from a disgusting veggie.

* * *

I took a nap after the show. Nathan was at home with mom so I was worry free for a night.

I was dreaming about Carly of course (shouldn't have even wondered right?) and I can feel my body in an awkward position. I can feel my bent back and my ribs stretch and spread so they can still give my lungs and heart room to move. I can feel my leg bent at a funny angle. And the only thing playing like a movie on my eyelids is Carly laughing.

It's great.

"Hey Puckett!" It's Carly, and before I can even begin to become more aware I feel something soft hit my face. I sit up and look around. And I know Carly threw it, and she looks at me with a smile because she knows I know. And I turn to Fredward, shout at him, and throw the pillow hard enough to knock him off the bed.

Carly laughs. I think sometimes she enjoys the fact that I'll never lay a hand on her to hurt her. Because let's be honest, who doesn't like seeing Fredward in pain?

I stand and stretch. "What cha up to Cupcake?"

"Sending a thank you text to the guys that sent us the video." She smiles up at me. I nod, but something odd hit me…how come boys are called guys and they aren't even men yet…and females are always called girls? Or ladies even when the chick isn't even a lady. It's food for thought…or wait…never mind.

I smile fondly and sit on the arm of the sofa. "Wanna know the best prank I ever pulled?" I'm losing my puke fest of words habit. I'm going from being two different people all the time to just the one. I wanna just be Sam with Samantha tendencies…except for when it came to Fred-weird. He'd always get the actions he thinks are so '_Sam'_ of me.

"Oh-ho," She looks up at me with interest but I know she's scared to hear the punk answer she knows is coming, because however much I may be starting to turn into just Sam…I still have those word puke fests. "No." She shakes her head and looks back at her phone.

And there it is…, "I made a cop think his feet got cut off." It sounds hard, but if you throw in some clever word play and a lot of red juice and stuff that runs like water but thicker…you can make someone think almost anything in the right situation.

She makes a face. "Gross much?"

"It's so funny." Benson's sarcastic voice bites in my ear drum and I glare at him.

He thinks he's so clever doesn't he? "I'd love to hear the best prank you ever pulled." Only I wouldn't. I'd hate to because he's him…and Freddie Benson is too good to be bad on his own.

He scoffs, glancing at Carly because he wants to impress her, but I think part of him knows by now he can't. "I've pulled some great pranks. Like this one time at boys camp I filled this kids hat with raisins," He laughed, eyes twitching towards Carly. "And I'll tell you, he wasn't expecting that in his hat!"

If none of you have ever noticed…Freddie copies me a lot. He tries to copy my free style, my words, my habits…all of it. Because I get more of Carly's attention than he does. So he copies me to get it, but instead of her going to him it drives her farther away. I wonder if he notices. Let me know if you've ever seen these things. (I mean that seriously.)

I sit beside Carly, Benson easily forgotten. "What about you?" I smile. And I know she's never pulled a prank. My Cupcake is to sweet to be so mean when I'm not around.

She shrugs. "Do knock knock jokes count?"

I blink, pausing in my action of almost drinking some of my Peppy Cola. "They don't even count as jokes." She's so cute!

She's embarrassed, but I keep pressing because the more embarrassed she gets the cuter she is. And it's wrong, boo me all you want…but I can't help it. "You've never pulled one prank in your whole life?" She glares at me because I've known her for so long and I know her almost as well as Spencer does.

"What about the stuff on iCarly?"

I shake my head. "Doesn't count. Those are pranks from my noggin." I chuckle. "You've never even thought about pulling a prank?"

She shrugs, standing. "Not really."

"Babes, you're to old to have never pulled your own prank." She blinks and crosses her arms, not bothered by the nickname but the pressure she's under.

"I'm not the pranky type. I'm sure it'll happen." Without the first part it almost sounds like she hasn't had her first kiss yet or something. I still regret mine. "When I…meet the right person." She frowns and so do I, but I notice her eyes linger on me for a second to long before looking away. I stand and step closer to her side.

"Nope, this has to happen soon. As in this week."

She glares at me and she's so cute I poke her hip and she giggles before pouting. "Fine, I'll prank someone. Score fifty for peer pressure!" She glares at me; yeah…I've made her do some heavy stuff. But come on…to never pull one prank? That's not funny to anyone?

Seriously?

* * *

She pulled a prank on Gibby. An almost prank. I pat her shoulder as I head to my locker. "It's expected of beginner's babes."

She pouts and I smile, pulling her along to our lockers. "Why do I have to pull a big prank and the worst Freddie has done is raisins? And that shouldn't even count as a prank!"

She had a good point, but he'll never pull it off. "He's Fredward Cupcake. Pulling a good prank his beyond him." I soothe her worries for a moment. And besides Benson making a choking sound of protest, she agrees with me.

* * *

Nathan runs to me when I get home. I lift him up and he squeals with laughter and giggles as I blow raspberries on his cheek. I think he'll always see me as a mom instead of mom. He may call her mom, but I am the one who taught him everything he knows. Who had their baby brother on two wheels at three years old? This girl! I had to make sure it was a small one so his feet could reach the pedals.

"You ready to go over to Carly's?" I ask, dropping my backpack by the door. He nods, his hair is getting long again, I'll have to get it shorter this time.

"Mom?" I call into the house. She's in the kitchen, probably on the phone with dad.

"Yeah?"

"I'm taking Nathan with me to Carly's."

"Alright, make sure Nathan takes his vitamin before dinner." Wow, she was getting pretty good at this. But she didn't have to tell me that, I used to be the one that had to tell her.

"Kay!" And we're out the door.

* * *

"Carls?" I call as we enter the apartment; Benson just follows, as usual. "Hey Carly?" The place is empty as we head up to the studio. I sit Nathan down in an armchair that almost looks like it'll swallow him whole. And glance around the studio, she's not anywhere to be seen. "Dude," I turn to Benson.

"Read her text," He shrugs. I shake my head. I already know what it says.

"Well she's not here." I was slightly disappointed.

"Wait," I look up at him. "Snap what's this?" Oh…he did not. I glance at Nathan who shakes his head and I drop it. It's to easy.

"Read it." I order, pointing to the card on the table with the fancy silver cover thing on it…what's it called?

"Here's a sweet dessert from me to the iCarly's. Hugs and tickles…Nevel." That little snot?

"How'd he get this up here?" I ask curiously, looking at the card as he pulls up the silver lid.

My heart tripled its beats and I jumped back, the rational side of me telling me that this was a joke. The side that was crazy in love went out of control, not knowing what to do when I saw Carly's head there. I panicked, screaming with Benson in shock and fear.

I think I forgot how to breathe for a moment, until Spencer pops out with a grin, "Heads up!" He shouts. And I'm gasping for breath and looking at Nathan who seems worried, I half smile at him and he settles back in the chair.

I look back at the Shay's who are giggling and laughing, Carly's face in a smile now instead of twisted to look shocked. "Not funny!" I snap, feeling a great swell of relief.

Carly is up and laughing. "Pranked ya! Admit it, I got you good." And she's only looking at me for approval, and I feel smug.

I scoff, nodding. "Okay, job well done. You got me…us." I fix quickly. And she's giggling and hugging me as Spencer rants to Freddie what a rush it is to prank again.

"You really scared me." I mumble.

"Sorry." She's still smiling but I know she means it. "But I did get you."

I nod again. "That you did." It's quiet between us for a second…and then I feel her lips on mine for a split second before she pulls back and is telling Spencer not to go prank happy.

But I'm on cloud nine. It only lasted for a second…but I'm switching my first kiss. That was everything I had wanted it to be. Simple but sweet…not like I was waiting for something.

Something tells me we'll have to talk about it later, but for now I'm more than happy.

* * *

And yet…here we are…being pranked on a daily basis. I gave him a death threat when it came to Nathan though. He was off limits if Spencer wanted to keep his artist talent (a.k.a his hands).

Turns out those bricks in my locker were just a fake foam piece. He was more clever than I ever gave him credit for…but still…enough was enough!

I reached the end point when I was alone for once with Carly in her room, watching her put on lip gloss. She'd been giving me little kisses like before here and there. I loved it!

She screamed when a zombie face popped up on her computer screen as we were getting ready to go to the movies. I jumped myself and sighed when he popped out of nowhere and started doing that dorky dance.

…Spencer was Spencer through and through, and Spencer never disappointed on his case of crazy.

* * *

"Carls?" I spend the night at the end of the first week. Nathan is at home. We'd been doing whatever it was we were doing all week. She's snuggled against me and hums to show she's listening. "Are um…are we going out?" I was so scared to ask.

She looks up at me and smiles. "Well…yeah. I mean…we've been kissing," She blushes and that makes me smirk. "And going on little dates. I thought you liked me." She wasn't ready to say love, and even though I love her…I'm not ready to say it either.

"Of course I do. I was just never sure you liked me."

She giggles and gives me a small kiss. "Well now you know."

So happy!

* * *

Carly is going to try and get him to sign the contract today. Because I'm sick of all the close calls he's gotten with Nathan lately. It's been a week and a half since Carls and I started dating. And I didn't want us to be under threat of constant pranks while we were seeing each other. (Not to make it sound short, cause I plan on this lasting forever!)

We step into the apartment. "Did you get him to," I'm cut off when Benson and I run into something we can't see. He put up a clear wall. He's even crazier than I thought. When are those even funny anymore?

Spencer is up and laughing, giving a way to long title for a little prank as he presses a button and flips his arm. I snap.

"Dude you're so lucky you're my girlfriend's brother or you'd be fallin for my baseball bat to your face bit!" I snarl and walk over to the couch. Spencer gives Carly and I a funny look before shrugging. I figured he wouldn't care.

"Girlfriend?" I glance at Benson. He looks crushed…like a burning slip of paper.

"Did he sign the contract?" I ask quickly. Maybe he'd drop it for now. She shakes her head and looks at her brother, upset.

"No, but he needs to."

"Alright," Spence holds up his hands. "You want me to sign your little contract?" He uses a baby voice, he's already over the info about me dating his little sister. "Promising I won't pull pranks anymore?"

I love Spencer, not like that obviously, but I do love him. Because he's him and he's open minded. He knows I'll protect Carly no matter what.

"Carly hand me that pen." He's not going to sign it. I know this is another prank.

"Wait!" I hold out my hand for the pen she picks up and she hands it to me with confusion. Spencer makes a face, oh he knows I caught him. "You're dealing with Sam Puckett here dude. Use your noodle." I tease him back with the same baby voice he used. Then I look over at Fred-dork…there's a pause before I press the end into his neck.

The pen clicks and he gets zapped, falling to the floor. I drop the pen and smirk at Spencer, who's laughing because he got his prank anyway. He runs into the back while Carly goes to check the nerds pulse.

Typical Spencer.

* * *

I know Benson's idea won't work. Like me…Spencer knows us to well. Or them to well. If I were pulling this prank I'd drop on his back when he's on the stairs and beat him with a stick.

My plan would work, but Carly wants me to get along better with Benson so we try his plan. I text Carly, go back over the plan with Gibby and then we hide as the plan sets into action.

And I knew he wouldn't fall for it. But I didn't want to say anything because I'd have a word puke fest. I try not to smile when Spencer smacks her with the twenty.

"He slapped me with my own money." She blinks, mumbling. I smile and touch her arm.

"He may have figured it out because you have a knack for being obvious when you lie." I tease, making her pout. I chuckle and kiss her cheek. We tone down our affection when we're in front of Benson.

He doesn't bring it up. He's holding it in, and it's not good for him. But if he doesn't wanna talk about it I'm not gunna bring it up.

"Oh yeah," I remember Gibby as we get ready to leave. "Gibby?" Maybe I should have told him to climb back down before I shouted his go signal.

"Gibby!" He shouts, and the tone changes because he's falling. He can bounce pretty high for a stubby kid.

"Sorry Gib." I mumble.

He groans, rolling over. "You guys here my ribs crack?"

Carly calls the hospital.

* * *

We're at the Groovy Smoother later that day. It's getting dark. I brought Nathan along because he was in serious need of that haircut, and it's only been a few weeks since I last got it snipped up. Now it's cut so short his hair only brushes the top of his ears. He likes his messy look.

He's on my lap sipping my smoothie again. He's in a jacket because it's windy tonight.

Gibby got stuck in a sling for six weeks. …My bad.

But now we have to stop him somehow. He made a guy a walking glow stick! I didn't even know they had it…if I had I would have used it on Benson forever and a day ago!

I still might. I take the face cream from T-Bo and tuck it away for later use. This will be fun.

Carly gets the idea to call his old classmates that made him stop pranking. It was a good idea. She's quick smart in that clever way that's good, I love it.

But I still like my nun-chuck idea better.

* * *

I get a text from Carly while I'm falling asleep at home the next night. Nathan's snoozing in his tiny bed next to mine. (We share a room because I don't like the idea of him having his own when mom gets drunk).

'_No more worries abt Spence pranking'_ Sweet…but why?

'_Y'_

'_His old classmates beat him up'_ Ah…he was lucky they got him before I did though. Beating him about the head sounds mighty nice after all the pranking he's been pulling.

'_Nice :-]_'

'_Sam!_'

'_Lol'_ I love Carls.


	6. Chapter 6

**I've decided to bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie...so he has a friend to bond with :p**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler!**

* * *

I talked to my dad today. Before I left to go to Carly's so we could actually go to webicon this time. I was actually kinda nervous.

_"Hello?"_

_"Sam."_

_"That's what they call me."_ I couldn't help my sarcasm, and clearly he didn't mind because he laughed.

_"You know who this is?"_

_"…Tanner."_

_"Mm hm."_

_"…Where are you?"_

_"Around. …I'm sorry." _And we both know he's sorry because he's not around, because mom still thinks she's not good enough, so she won't let him around. She's still trying to show her self-worth.

_"…Are you ever gunna come around?"_

He paused. _"I'm planning on it."_

I smile. _"Can Nathe and I see some of the stuff you've made?"_

He chuckles. His voice is nice. Like a dad's should be. And I want to call him that so bad, but I can't because he's never been around and it'd be strange for both of us. _"Of course."_

_"…"_ And now I'm not sure what else to say. "_Do you have more kids than us?"_

_"No."_

_"…Did you ever want to?"_

_"No."_

_"A wife?"_

_"No."_

_"…Do you,"_

_"Watch iCarly?"_ How he had known I'd ask that…I wasn't sure. I nod before I realize he can't see me.

_"Yeah…that."_

_"Every week."_

_I smile. "Thanks."_

He chuckles again. _"Have fun at webicon." _

_"Thanks."_

He knew about my life. Mom had told him much on her sober day's way back when. And now she was getting better, and I wasn't two separate people fighting for control of one vessel. I'm becoming me…just Sam. And something tells me he knows that. That he's known for a long time that you're not a kid, that you're not little Samantha Puckett fighting for your sister. And it makes me happy he can see that even though he's not here.

I'm becoming Sam…and the word puke fests are stopping slowly. And I'm saying what I wanna say, not what's typical for me and what I have no control over.

….

With Carly and I…she'd wondered why it'd taken so long for us to get here…to be just us together. I tell her it's because we tried to hard to make each other jealous rather than just saying how we felt.

Yep…she had to agree. Because all the guys I've dated have been something like her. Even though I hardly considered those few boyfriends.

I'm just glad we're finally here.

…..

Freddie is still getting used to us; he's pretending it isn't real so he can deal. It makes sense; I'd be the same way if he were dating Carly. And he has…and it hurt more than I can ever say.

One day he'll just get it, like me and Carly did. It's not something you can learn or be taught. But once you get it you get it.

…Like math but less annoying.

He's even more of a dork to try and impress her and win her back. It must be nagging at the back of his head. And I think Cupcake sees it because she's leaning to me more than usual when he's around.

She's walking over to me with him now. "Hey." She gives me that cute smile as she leans I and gives me a peck on the lips, and now I'm grinning like a fool. Benson's looking away.

She spots the bag my mom packed me. She's still learning, at least she packed me a Fat Cake. She's doing better with Nathan because I've been getting him lunch since he came home. Mom was never the…you know…we had formula. "What's that?" She smiles and puts all her weight on her right leg, hips at a slant.

"Mom packed me lunch." I shrug. "For the record she's doing good with Nathan's."

She giggles. "Only cause you told her what he likes right?" Oh she was good. I nod as she takes the bag and she and Freddie look through it.

"A Fat Cake." She holds it up grinning. She digs back in like it's a treasure hunt. "Some hot sauce." I nod. She's trying, gotta give her some credit.

Now Benson is digging in. "A can of Chug it Buzz."

"A C battery." She's so cute I could die.

"And a jar of paprika." He has that funny grin that makes him look like a cartoon character.

They put the stuff back in and I take the bag back and make a face. "I said she was trying. Never said anything about being competent."

Carly takes my arm in her hands and bumps my hip with hers gently. "You can have some of my lunch if you want." I grin, nodding as she plants a kiss on my cheek.

Freddie sighs. "Hey I was thinking we should get a guy to help us with the show. A new tech producer." He still won't look at me.

I glance at Carls, she nods. He needs a friend…well…more friends. He's lonely now and I know how he feels because I've been there. He thinks I don't because he figures it's so '_Sam'_ of me not to.

"We'll think about it Freddie. I mean…right now let's just focus on this week's iCarly." She's to nice sometimes. But…he's upset.

We pass a kid I happen to know is quite handy with computer skills. He has reddish/bronze hair and sea green eyes. He looks pretty decent for a geek. I make a mental note to call him whenever we get around to getting Benson a new pal.

….

We have yet to tell our fans about us, but most of the school seems to know so I'm sure it'll get around the web soon. It is worldwide.

"We have a question from a random fan named Frog-Punch 99." Who thinks of these names?

Carly holds up the card. "Hey Carly and Sam, what's the proper way to cook a pickle with a blow torch?"

We pause…and it's not in the script but she has to say it, and if she hadn't I would have. "Excellent question."

"So we called Spencer's best friend Saco," I start.

"Who sent over his cousin,"

"A professional welder." I finish, smirking at the camera. We do this funny little walk over to the burning pickle section of the studio. "Hello Bernie." Ironic name.

"Will you please show the fans of iCarly the proper way to cook a pickle with a blowtorch?" She's polite to everyone but the ones that make her upset, something I'd done to many a time.

He nods, starting the blowtorch and pulling his mask down and setting to work. I wonder what it tastes like…does he even know how to cook a pickle?

"Now while that's cooking, all you fans of iCarly will be happy to know that this coming week…iCarly will be going to,"

"Webicon!" We shout together, raising our hands. I click a button and it pops up on the screen to the viewers and the lights dim and dance music comes on.

This tech stuff was neat if you know how to do it.

"We tried to go last time," I sigh."

"But a psycho kidnapped us and locked us in her basement." Benson fills in. I fight the urge to roll my eyes at him as I pull the camera back to me with a wide grin.

"She tried to kill us!" I'm sure she would have if I hadn't had that bat. Carly is over my shoulder, cheek pressed to mine. She's always so warm…is that normal? "If Sam hadn't been apt at lock picking and baseball bat using…we might be." She was teasing but still serious.

"That's right. I saved Butter Wimp Benson!" I snarled and he glared at me.

How we got to tinfoil shorts I'm not even really sure. But we went there.

And no…no Bernie didn't know when a pickle was actually cooked. It had this funny after taste…like sour burn. Kinda like that burnt taste of toast when it's all black with the sour wet ting to it.

Not a fan.

…..

I lay down on Carly's bed; I'd be spending the night here. Spencer was playing some dumb war game on Carls' computer.

Freddie followed Carly in; he must've been talking about something boring, because the look she gave him told me so. "I don't care about sandpaper. Kay?" She turns and spots me. She smiles and hops over.

"Yo." I grin as she leans down and plants a kiss on me, it lasts about ten seconds. Longest we've kissed around nerd linger.

"Your brother is a violent video gamer." I glance over at him, she looks with me.

"I am going to rip you in half!" He bellows, making Carly and me laugh.

She looks back at me, still leaning over the bed. "So I see." She finally sits. And when Carly asks about the game they act like she's the dork.

"Guys…you're a kid who's the master of chess club at school and think sandpaper is amazing…and you're wearing a giant pilot's headset on your skull and forget where you put the remote every five minutes…and you know what MMORPG is. And you're looking at her like she's the moron here?"

They share a glance before looking down.

"I thought so."

Spencer goes to get food for when he plays and Benson gets to playing with the toy boats in Carly's coffee table. Someone beeps to chat with Carly and she hops up to answer it.

"Oh," She gives a huff of laughter when she seems this kid Adam who has a crush on her. "Hey Adam."

"Hey, saw you on iCarly tonight." He smiles, thinking he's clever.

"She is the host." I snip. She glares back at me, telling me with her eyes to be nice. I shrug.

He nods, looking uncomfortable. "Anyways, it was really funny stuff," he snickers. "Burning a pickle." Was it that funny?

She has that voice like she's smiling and trying to be nice…but she has no interest into the conversation taking place. But she's too nice even though it's actually a very simple equation. She just has to subtract herself from the convo, add her steps out the door, divide herself between landings, and add me to her thoughts. See? All very easy.

"I'm checkin out your whole site, it is awesome."

He sure knows how to give a girl the Goosebumps doesn't he? Jeesh.

She nods slowly. "Well…thank you." She makes it sound like a question rather than actually taking it gratefully.

Freddie makes a gagging sound, making me actually laugh.

"What's that?"

"Just Freddie." He looks hurt…he should really accept that fact she's never gunna love him. I mean…she is already taken.

"He's in your room?" He scoffs a little. Freddie leans into view, waving.

"Yeah, so is Sam." She looks back at me; I smirk and wink at her. She giggles and blushes before going back to her conversation.

Boys never get it. It seems to take them forever and ever and ever to just get it. But Benson had a straighter head than most, so maybe he'll only take half of forever.

"Are you and Freddie a thing?"

She flinches. "No, no. God no. He's my best friend." She chuckles. I glance at the nerd, he looks like he wants to curl in on himself and implode.

Poor kid.

"So…you're available?" He sounds so hopeful…the inner punk in me will love to kill his hope.

I'm pulling the chair Carly's in away gently but quickly. "Nope, she's not. She's very much taken. You didn't hear the news in the local New Nerd Times?" I snap. "Yeah, she's dating me. So back off, butt out, and mind your own business!" I end the chat and turn to Carly.

"Sam!" She's a cross between upset, amused, and I think she's a little turned on. I think it's mostly the last one because she pulls me into a kiss and when we pull apart Benson is gone.

…Why do guys always have to be like this?

…

Spencer sprang it on us later that he'd be going to webicon with us so he could go to some World of Warlords convention thingy.

Nerds!

You what makes a nerd a nerd? Nooo, smart mouths…it's not their smarts! It's the way they dress. And you can always tell a nerd is a nerd who wants to be cool, like Benson! Because they dress like nerds at first in their dumb little shoes before they finally get a clue. You can always tell.

I was still debating with myself if I should bring Nathan with me to webicon. I felt kinda like I was neglecting him a little since Carls and I started goin out.

Carly opens the door to the apartment and tells Spence about her latest A, he's always proud of her. And Benson, who is still in denial, gloats about some exam or report or…something he got an A on. I just tell him what I ate for lunch and it makes Spencer laugh and state it's 'tasty'.

And then here they were again…acting like we're the dorks…and yet here they are giggling about two sc-fi game things. See what I mean…you can always spot a nerd. (Spencer isn't so much a nerd as a funny dork though.)

"I wondered why it was strange neither of you has a girlfriend." Carly speaks with a grin, she can pull a wise crack when she wants to, but it's all in good fun. At least in Spencer's expense. I chuckle, agreeing with her as I slip an arm around her waist. Spencer keeps talking to us with avid animation while Benson turns away.

…You think women and girls are complicated? I'll tell you guys…take a long hard look in the mirror. Cause I guarantee you're just as emotional as a girl you just don't wanna be looked at like a pansy. Lemme tell ya….it's just like the saying 'real men wear pink'. Real men show how they feel.

They try and explain it to us and I'm hardly listening because it's so boring. Carly says something about soda and I turn to her, she hands me the cup as soon as I take a sip I spit it out. "This is diet Carls!"

"I told you that Sam. Please go get a towel."

I nod. "Okay." I hate diet…I'm Sam Puckett, I don't do diet foods or drinks. And there's proof that diet stuff is worse for you than the real stuff. Like that fake sugar they've got…yeah…gives you cancer!

Put that on your Rocket Raider Crunch in the mornings.

…..

This place actually looks pretty sweet. I decided to bring Nathan with me just so we could bond some more. He looks happy. Course it could be because I got him one of those giant swirly lollipops.

…You know…Spencer can be so Spencer it's scary sometimes? It's so him to wear a dorky outfit and get caught in doors he thinks close to hard…and maybe they do. But he is soft skinned and tender boned. He's getting older day by day and he doesn't work out, so it makes sense he bruises easily.

I had to laugh with Nathan when the doors snap in on him though. "He's funny isn't he?" I look down at Nathan; he's on my hip as usual and is giggling. He nods and points. "Spence is silly." He slurs over all the slime and spit from sucking his lollipop.

"We're gunna walk past some fans so stick close together." The guy whose name I already forgot tells us. I take Carly's hand and we start to head towards our conference hall. But…

There are screams and pointing and girls cooing at Nathan and…oddly enough Benson! I growl as some girls try and touch my baby brother. "Back off!"

Freddie is snatched up though. …Can't save everybody can you?

But I have to because she wants me to. I hand Nathan over and slouch over to the doors we came through. Why me? I let out my paten Sam Puckett war cry and charge, jumping into the crowed that spreads and drops him, making me land on him hard. I drag him out by his foot and drop him off.

"Those girls almost tore you to pieces." Carly observes, holding Nathan tight on her hip.

And because Fredward is Fredward and he's not used to anyone being all over him in any way but beating him down…he screams like a little girl and jumps back into the crowd. I'm not jumpin back in there. I'm pretty sure some chicks grabbed my butt.

"Sam!"

I shake my head. "Not goin back in there. When they spit him out they spit him out." I shrug.

When he does come back out about three minutes later, his jacket is gone and his shirt is ruffled and his hair is a mess. He glances at Carly with a smirk before waving to the girls. He wants her to be jealous but it won't happen. She rolls her eyes and leans against me with Nathan. He giggles and wraps his tiny arm around my shoulder. His sucker is getting smaller and smaller.

"We're gunna take you through a different way."

I look at Benson. "It's okay to go through this way. We don't mind if he gets nabbed." Carly nudges me as Nathan nods in agreement with me.

…

They make Fat Shakes now! I duck my face behind a webicon bag and run around to the back of the small stage. Nathan is on Carly's hip still. His sucker is gone and Carly's cleaned on the sticky sugar from his treat off his face.

"Hi Sammy." They giggle together; Benson rolls his eyes and huffs.

I sigh at him…I'm trying to act like nothing's changed. But I can't because everything has changed. But I'm still trying.

"Where were you?" He snaps.

His attitude doesn't faze me. I'm used to it by now. He still thinks I'm so '_Sam'_ and not Sam. "Look at this!" I hold the item up. "Look at what they're selling!"

Carly laughs. "Fat Shake?"

I nod. "From the amazing people who brought us Fat Cakes. Want some?" I offer, I'd normally never offer anyone anything of mine. But she's my girl and Nathan is basically my kid.

Nathan takes it and Carly helps him hold it up with her larger hand over his tiny ones. He sips it and he gets that look on his face like he's had the best thing in the world. His eyes go wide and those eyebrows of his popped up he lets out a little hum that means, 'I really like this.' In kid talk.

"Share." I give him the 'or else' voice and he pouts, taking the straw from his mouth and offering it to her. She smiles at him and takes a sip before handing it back.

"That is tasty." She comments with a smile. I nod, taking a large gulp of it myself.

"Let's give it up for the iCarly's!" Before we strut out I take Nathan back, because I know he's to heavy for Carls to keep holding up like that.

I set down the Fat Shake and place Nathan carefully on my lap. I'm next to Carly. It's like they know.

Nathan's hands shoot out and he takes the shake and starts sipping. Little Gremlin.

We get questioned about the remote I use first. _You can always spot a nerd!_ I cannot stress that enough!

And then people start talking about Creddie and Seddie and who out of those two is dating who. And some guy jumps up and shouts 'Seddie!' …Okay ew!

Carly gets asked what's going on with her and Freddie's romantic relationship. I feel my hands curl into fists and Carly seems to notice because she takes my hand and rubs her thumb in circles over the back of my closed hand. I relax only a little.

"Freddie and I aren't dating." She states easily.

"Respectfully, I disagree." The girl slurs over her lisp.

I lean forward. "Whoa, whoa…you're gunna tell us…who we're dating?" I ask, trying to glare a hold through the center of her forehead. "And you have nothing to do with our love lives…and you're going to tell us who we like?"

This chick had nerves.

"Bad!" Nathan takes his mouth off the straw long enough to shout at the girl. "Carly don't like Freddie."

"Doesn't Nathe, Carly doesn't like Freddie." I correct absentmindedly. It's a habit to teach him these things.

He nods.

And suddenly everyone is arguing and then Carly is looking at me with for help. I nod. "Mama's got this." I'm careful to reach across to grab Carly's mic and then my own. "Cover your ears little man." I instruct and he sets the shake down to clap his hands over his ears. I click the mics together and they make an awful screeching grating sound. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

"Shut it!" I snap. "Carls isn't dating Freddie. And I am thoroughly insulted anyone would insinuate I like him!" I make a sick face as I feel my stomach swirl at the thought. "I mean look at him," I motion to him and his eyes dart around nervously. "He's Fredward…come on. Let's be real here."

I sit back and Nathan takes that as the cue to take his hands off his ears and take the shake back into his hands. I pull his head back gently and take a sip for myself. "Save some for me dude." He smiles, nodding as he sips some more.

They don't listen and then they keep arguing. I sigh, looking at Carls. "I think we should tell them so they finally know." I mumble. She nods, but every time we try and call their attention they still won't listen. Typical nerds' man.

"Alright…," I try after Carly and Freddie fail "Alright!" I shout and they quiet down. Nathan glances up at me and I take the shake to have a sip. "First…these fat Shakes are like suckin heaven through a straw." They laugh before I get serious. "Second, Freddie isn't dating anyone." It was now or never. The news would spread like wildfire…what's my dad gunna think? Something tells me he'll be alright with it. My mom might struggle with it but she'll get over it if she loves me enough. I grip Carly's hand tighter in mine.

It's not me this may hurt; I can deal with insults and stings. She takes it to heart. "Carly and I are."

There are several gasps before…

"Yeah!" Some kid in the back shouts. And he's not wearing a Seddie or a Creddie pin. His pin is green and says CAM in bright red letters. "Cam! Cam! Cam!" He cheers, and more people are cheering with him. I guess everybody is a secret 'Cam' shipper.

Carly is laughing with relief and I'm grinning because she's happy. Freddie is quiet; this must be the worst situation he's ever been in.

We leave early. They had kept us there arguing for almost three hours man! So boring!

….

I was planning on visiting my dad this month. Hopefully soon. Nathan was hyped to finally meet him. I had him tucked in upstairs in Carly's bed watching cartoons. He'd been running around on sugar high all day.

And I was asleep on Carly's couch, my legs in an awkward position. Carly was next to me when I fell asleep.

Suddenly there's something tickling the pads of my feet, I'm ticklish. And Carly knows this information. I giggle despite myself and move to get my feet away but the tickling keeps on. I relate and pull myself from sleep land. "What, what?" I laugh as I look at her.

"We're doing a show tomorrow night Sammy."

"iCarly?" …So smooth Puckett….so smooth.

She gives me a look that tells me I'm being silly. "Yes, yes iCarly. Now will you get up and help?" She smiles that special little smile and I melt.

"When does Sam ever help?" The little snot! It's getting harder and harder to keep pretending for his sake. Carly keeps telling me to stop holding back and he'll have to admit what's happening eventually.

But he won't…he won't and I think we both know it. And it's not that he's homophobic, it's that he's so in love with Carly he can never hope to get over her because he's always around her. He can't help himself, just like I can't help myself either.

"At least I don't take nine hours to properly prepare one slice of pizza." I air quote him and mock his earlier comment.

He states his case and for once when he talks he's not trying to impress Carly. Although he could be…I'm not sure right now. But he's visibly deflated when Spencer runs out to answer the ringing phone and squishes his pizza slice under his foot, making me laugh.

He gives the slice to the artist when he mentions it looks good. I try not to laugh harder when Spencer takes a bit of his own shoe.

Freddie sits next to Carly and I feel very crowded suddenly.

"What's up with you teeners anyways? What's goin on?" Spencer asks as he chews the shoe pizza.

"We're trying to plan for tomorrow nights iCarly. She smacks Freddie hand away from her arm. Some kids just don't get it do they?

He nods. "And why the chizzy attitude?"

"Cause we're starting to get more popular, especially after webicon. It's starting to be a lot of work." She explains, smacking Benson's hand away again.

"It's very exhausting." I sigh.

"You don't even do anything." Fredward snaps.

I glare at him. "You try taking care of your baby brother for five years and you're only sixteen, on top of school, on top of always having to check on your sister, on top of iCarly. I wonder Fred-dork…could you manage?" He gives me this look...this condescending look I just wanna smack off his face!

"Freddie." Carly snaps at him and he looks at her surprised and shrugs, holding his shoulders up, wondering what he did wrong. I can feel her disappointed look from here.

"Why don't you just hire an intern?" Spencer pipes up.

"Or a new tech assistant to help me out, like I mentioned before we went to webicon." Freddie looks over at Carly and then back to Spencer. "It's a good idea right?"

The artist nods but his face says he's not really listening.

"Fine, we'll do interviews for a tech producer assistant."

"This couch is way to crowded." I sit up and tip everything off the coffee table before laying down across it.

Benson goes to get another slice of pizza as I stretch across the table. I huff before I feel something warm on my lower belly. Carly has her laptop there.

"Why do you hate granddad?" Carly asked curiously after Spencer hung up on him and called him a name I hadn't heard before.

"Cause when I dropped out of law school I made him this stupid promise." He starts to explain, and them '_Sam'_ is coming out. It's still hard to control but I'm getting more used to saying what Sam wants to say, not '_Sam'_.

"That you'd dress up like a lady on the fourth of July?" I ask in a silly tone of voice I really can't describe.

He gives me a funny look, but it's honestly something I think he'd do. He's already dressed as an old lady before. "What, no."

"Would you anyways?"

"No."

I look up at Carls, sitting up enough so I could look at her properly. "Would you dress up like a guy on the fourth of July Cupcake?"

She smiles and laughs. "That depends. Would you dress like an actual lady?" I'd tried to once, but it was only to make Carly jealous, I hadn't really meant for it to go so far.

I act like I'm thinking about it. "Tempting but I'm gunna have to pass." I grin.

She leans in and kisses me. "Then so am I." She kisses me a few more times before going back to her computer work and I lay back down.

I used to have fun doing this, looking at the world upside down and wondering how much stranger life would be this way. I had a lot of fun with Mel as a kid doing this.

Turns out Spencer only went to law school for three days. Yes…I do know how to multiply. Just cause I'm blonde doesn't mean I'm dumb. Not everybody is a stereo type.

…That's true chizz right there.

….

I call that kid…I can't remember his name…Kyler or something. He says he'll come in for an interview.

A kid that's really annoying showed up first. He was boring. "You can go now!" I snap.

"…But I've only been here for twenty seconds."

I shrug. "Twenty to many." Why was this kinda think so hard? But then again when your friends with people it's always easier to do things like iCarly. Less time to have to get used to newbies.

Gibby leads him out, and just like Freddie…this kid just doesn't get it.

"Sammy," I look over at her and my shoulders slump. "You've gotta give them at least some time to talk." She smiles and takes my hand. "Have some patience." That's just it…she's one of the only three people I can have patience with. Everyone just bothers me. Besides Spence…but you can have to many doses of crazy in a day.

I nod. "I'll try." And I will, for her, but…dude its hard.

"No she won't, she's Sam. She can't not be obnoxious." Benson quips. I shoot a glare at him and Carly tugs on my shoulder so I'll back down.

"Freddie!" She snaps. He backs off…but I can tell he'll keep coming back to it.

Jealousy is one of the ugliest things you can feel. It's the reason people do most harsh things, because they're jealous. So when he finally can't hold it in and he has to snap…I'll be right there to take the brunt of it. I have to be.

A girl with a serious lisp is next. She's that psycho chick that was at the webicon thing. I jump a little when Carly snaps at her. I scoff, shocked at her reaction. But she's always had an aversion to these kinds of things. I think it makes her ears itch. Mine do.

"Dude." I mumble, tap her arm gently.

The girl leaves.

"Patience?" I smirk; she huffs and runs her fingers through her hair. She mumbles a sorry and I sit forward.

Person after person…fail after fail. Then he was here, the kid with the reddish/bronze hair and sea green eyes.

"What's your name?" I ask quickly so I can remember for next time.

He smiles. "Kyler." He seems to know about fashion. He's got a plaid short of yellows, blues, and grays with blue skinny jeans and brown military boots. His voice is deeper than Benson's but he's cuter than him to so…

"You said you've done some video editing?" Fredward asks.

Kyler nods. "Yeah I'm decent with Cutting-Room flow."

"Nice that's what I used to edit."

Kyler smiles and nods. "Sweet." He seems like the shy type.

I have to tease, but I want to, not the punk in me. "Aww look Cupcake," I smirk, leaning back in my chair and looking at her. "Nerd bonding. I've never seen two in their natural habitat." I tease.

Kyler chuckles but Benson glares at me. Maybe he can teach him how to take a joke.

"Can you cook?" I gotta have something new to eat now and then….don't judge me.

He laughs a little and nods. "I cook all the time for my dad. He's at work a lot and he'll burn the kitchen down if I don't cook so…yeah." He shrugs.

"Alright." I grin.

"Okay, thanks Kyler, we'll talk it over and most likely call you tomorrow." She wants to hire him, I want to hire him (I need a cook alright?), and Benson needs a pal.

"He'd be great for the job." Fredward looks over at Carly who nods and looks at me. "Do we need to meet anybody else today?" She asks softly.

I take out my phone and check. "There's one more dude."

…

He's an idiot! My God I've never met anyone more 'blonde' than this guy! He's like a world's clumsiest five year old.

"Court, you gotta learn how to tie your own shoes." The he-dummy mocks a deep voice. He has a nice body build…and I think he gets by on looks cause his brains are like melted chizz.

He didn't know how to tie his shoes until he was in seventh grade; I'm just shocked he made it that far.

I stop looking at him as a sad teenage guy with no brain and start looking at him like he's Nathan and even Nathan is smarter than this jock.

When he says he can tie his shoes without thinking about it I clap without realizing, I did the same thing for Nathe when he learned to tie his shoes.

I glance at Carly who looks back at me. "He's like Nathan." She giggles.

"But dumber." We're sure to whisper, and even if we didn't he probably wouldn't get it. Carly nods and gives him a worried glance.

"I'm scared he'll hurt himself or something if we don't hire him." She's really looking at him like my baby brother. Because she's always worried about that with him. I nod; as long as he stayed away from Nathe when I brought him over…we were golden.

I'd have to explain this to Kyler though. Even though I had every plan on firing this guy if he messed up to bad.


	7. Chapter 7

**I've decided to bring in a new tech producer to work with Freddie...so he has a friend to bond with :p**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler!**

* * *

Why and when do people stop learning? Can it be because you're dropped on your head at a small age or you already know to much? Or maybe your brain just isn't capable of holding more than average information.

What makes an idiot and idiot?

Just like a nerd a nerd.

* * *

Nathan is standing beside Benson the next day as we get ready for the new iCarly. Kyler took it surprisingly well and told me to keep an eye on him. I guess they knew each other.

So when Court comes in with a bag, yes a bag, of lemonade…I fight the urge to sigh. Carly takes the bag and talks to him like he's Nathan but dumber.

Which he is but still.

We coo at him and tell him he's done good even though I want to correct him. It's a habit because of Nathan. I always have to teach him the right way, and seeing as this guy's brain is that of a four year old…I really, really want to correct him. But I don't.

"Who brings lemonade in a bag?" Benson asks. I have to agree with him. He's upset because it wasn't Kyler we hired. Kyler who had talent compared to the he-dummy who gave is bagged lemon juice.

"Is that wrong?" Court is so stupid it's almost just plain cute rather than annoying because of the itch to correct him.

"No, it's thoughtful and sweet." Carly soothes, patting his arm.

Freddie rolls his eyes and huffs. "I need to see the notes you took Court."

The pretty idiot nods. "Sure thing pal." He searches for his notes and holds up the pearpad after looking around for a second. "Here you go buddy."

Oh…he wrote on it with marker. I look at Carly who chews her lip. She gives me a worried glance. That cost us eight hundred bucks! And he ruined it! I think I'm getting a brain tumor…my brain is starting to throb from the itch to correct him and fire him.

"You wrote with a marker on the pearpad?" Benson raises his voice. He's still going through puberty…his voice reaches a few high notes.

"Carly said I should use it to write notes."

"This cost eight hundred bucks!" Benson snaps his last words kinda screechy.

"Dude, that's insane!" He takes out a note pad. "You can get one of these for a dollar!" He's too stupid to be cute right now. Now we have to buy a new one. We got it because Carly said it reduces paper waste and all that good stuff.

Freddie groans and rubs his temple. "It hurts." He grumbles.

We have twelve seconds to show. Carly hands the bag back to Court and we step back, ready to start.

We do a little dance on the spot as Freddie counts down. "In five, four, three, two,"

"One!" Court finishes. You're not supposed to say one, I never knew why but I guess it's bad. Benson sighs as he motions us to start the show.

"Once upon a time there was a Carly," I start, a wide grin on my face.

"Who met a wondering freak named Sam." She plants a kiss on my cheek. Everybody knew now so…it was alright. And that made it ten times sweeter.

"Then one day," I chime.

"The two girls drank from a filthy bucket!" Carly jumps back as I mime drinking.

"And thus was born," we're great show people, don't you think. "iCarly!" We shout together.

I can see Nathan laughing at our silly act beside Fred-dork's tech set. We get ready to pull our first skit of the night, filling Gibby's mouth with baby peacock feathers.

But then there's a loud zapping sound and a scream. We look over. Court is covered with what I assume is lemonade, the laptop is smocking, but what calls my attention first and foremost is Nathan shrinking back and holding his arm. He's been shocked. Literally.

I'm next to him so fast I can't even remember moving my feet. He has a nasty red mark on his upper arm. I lift him up quickly and glare at Court. "Who has anything liquid around electricity?" Especially in a bag and especially around a kid? Oh yeah…an idiot.

He looks confused and upset and sorry and I know Carly can't fire him. I charge out of the room and head to the bathroom and take out the first aid kit. "You okay?" I soothe. His little crystal blue eyes are leaking these huge crocodile tears. And if I weren't so worried I'd think of it as cute.

He sniffles and nods. Aww, he's trying to be a tough little man. I check the mark. It's angry and slightly swollen. He's gunna have a slight blister there. I run cold water over it out of a small cup and I rub burn ointment on it gently and some itch cream so he won't scratch at it. I wrap it tight enough it won't slip off but loose enough so it won't make the mark worse.

"You wanna lay down?" He sniffles again, nodding. I hoist him up and he wraps his little arms around my shoulders. I take him to Carly's room and lay him down, turning on cartoons. "You need anything just call for me okay?" He nods.

I leave him to watch his shows.

I don't bring Nathan up to Court. It's the last time I let him anywhere near my little brother again. Carly doesn't fire him, she told me he was so sorry and wanted to help but she kept him here because she thought he'd make it worse.

He tried to clean the laptop with his shirt. So much for this weeks' iCarly. I agree with Freddie that we should fire him, but Carly is worried he'll get into trouble because of his lack of brains if we don't watch him.

I have to agree.

* * *

I have Nathan on my lap as me and Carls are watching Court jump on the small trampoline in the floor and count. "That's not how you count." I mumble to Nathan. He nods and giggles, falling back so he was leaning against me. His bandages are changed and his arm still has an angry red blister that got a little bigger but he seems to be doing fine.

Court gets to what he assumes is a hundred and Carly and I clap for him. He's cute in that little kid way kids are cute to teenagers. Like little Nathan who sighs and shakes his head when Court talks about believing in himself.

Mom was worried about Nathan but I explained the situation, she agreed that I should fire him and fast. But I couldn't change Carly's mind. I'd just have to keep Nathe as far from him as possible.

"You guys got any iCarly stuff for me to do?"

Carly got the list we wrote. I wasn't expecting much and I clapped a hand to my forehead when he said, "I don't know where to get a Todo."

Carly laughs sympathetically. "No sweetie that says to do."

Hey, I'm sweetie…not this he-dummy! She glances back at me sees me pouting. She giggles and steps over. "Don't pout." She leans down and I tilt my head back. She's gives me those sweet little kisses I love so much. Court and Gibby don't seem to mind.

And then Freddie is there. "Knocker-knocker." Oh my goodness…he actually used his hand to hit the door. It's a miracle!

But Carly keeps giving me those tiny kisses, and I'm trying to pull back so Benson won't feel strange or bad or alienated. Next thing I hear are stomps and the door slamming closed. Carly pulls back and frowns.

"Freddie looks upset." Gibby observed.

Carly sighs. I know what I have to do; it's not something that can be put off anymore. I hand Nathan over to Carly and tell her to keep a close eye on him. I chase after Freddie.

* * *

He's stomping down the street when I find him. "Benson!" I shout, he just walks faster. "Benson!" I try again, jogging.

"Freddie will you wait a second!" I finally shout as we reach a new block. He stops and whips around. I've never seen him this angry with me, with anyone.

"How'd you do it Sam?" He snaps.

"What?"

"How'd you do it? How'd you get Carly?"

"…Are you insinuating something here _Benson_?"

He scoffs. "Did you drug her? Trick her?" He really thinks I'd do something like that? To Carly of all people? Maybe someone else but never Carly. "Is it some prank?"

What prank lasts a month? "You've got some nerve Benson."

"Why you! I'm nicer than you, usually cleaner than you," I take a shower everyday thank you. "I don't break people's arms or play stupid tricks on people for no reason! So why you? Out of all people…why you?"

I shrug. "I dunno. But it's done. Alright? Get over it." It was easy to say because I'm not good with expressing myself.

"No, because I just don't get it!"

"I am trying here Freddie! I'm trying to make this okay! I am trying to act like nothing's changed but I can't! I can't keep pretending for your sake and neither can she." I finally snap. "I love Carly, I have for years. And I know you have to and I know you're better than me, okay? I know it. All of it."

He still looks so upset.

"I can't help how I feel and neither can she. I didn't trick her, drug her, or convince her to help me with a prank. She and I are a thing and you need to get over this little attitude."

"…You don't deserve her."

"Like I don't know that?" And there was still so much I wanted to say, that I knew he wanted to say. But neither of us had the right words right now so we let it drop. For now.

* * *

After Court ate our props and had another close call with Nathan we finally fire Court.

We give Kyler a call and he's more than happy to take the job. We're sitting around the island at Carly's place. Spencer is making us Spaghetti tacos!

Benson and I have been at a stalemate since his storm out. And we still want to talk, still want to scream, and still want to claw each other's eyes out because one of us just won't quit in the other person's eyes…but we're not sure how to go about it.

So Carly sits between us every time we're in the same room.

"I'm honestly surprised you even hired Court." Kyler chuckled. His hair was messy but somehow stylish compared to Benson's.

"You sound like you know him." Carly chuckles.

Kyler makes a face, shrugging. "I've lived on the same street as Court for about six years now. Anybody who's lived there for longer than a year knows Court. With all the messed up gardens and the tripped over cable cords and the broken windows. I thought you guys knew his track record for being so clumsy."

"I thought he was just dumb." I quip, looking over at Nathan on the couch, his arm was better than before. Much better. The blister had shrunk and now he just had a sore angry red blotch on his arm.

"Well he's clumsy because he's so dumb." Kyler laughed.

Carly lets her head fall on my shoulder. "We shouldn't have hired him in the first place."

"No kidding." I sighed. Kyler shook his head with a smile. "We learned the hard way." I mumble.

"Most people do." Kyler teases. He's a nice kid. He should get along with Freddie pretty well. I look at Freddie, only he's sitting back, getting up, and walking towards the door. I nudge Carls gently and follow him.

"Benson." I follow him out the door and close it softly behind me. He looks back, sullen. "Can you just drop this whole attitude problem?"

"No, I can't. And I should but it's hard. I've been in love with her since I first saw her and I've always thought someday she'd pick me. But she doesn't. She picks you."

"I'm sorry this is hard for you I am. But things are always gunna change. It doesn't mean it's bad."

"Yes it does. Because you're with the girl of my dreams. And it hurts. And I know I should get over it or try to…but I can't. It's too hard."

I sigh. This was getting to be too much. "You know Fredward…if this had turned out the other way around, I'd accept it. And yeah it'd hurt…but I just want Carly to be happy. And if she had chosen you over me I'd accept it because it'd make her happy."

"I know. Okay? I know that, and I just want her to be happy too. And I keep trying to be her best friend and stop being jealous but I can't help it! I just can't."

…How'd we get to this point?

"And even though I still want to be friends with both of you and just keep moving forward I can't…," he sighs. He wants to say something he thinks may hurt me. And maybe it will but I doubt it. Because his opinion of me has never mattered. Not like Carly's.

"You can't what?" I'm '_Sam'_ again. I cross my arms and wait for him to finish.

He sighs, hands going into his pockets. And I realize it's not me he thinks he'll hurt, it's Carly. Because he's just like me. He doesn't want to say anything that'll hurt her. "I can't help but regret ever meeting you."

It doesn't hurt, but if I know Carly, and I do, she's listening through the door with Spencer and Gibby. I nod. "And I regret you peer pressuring me." I snip.

"I didn't peer pressure you."

"Yes you did. You knew Carly was upset, you knew it'd bother me and you knew my head wouldn't be on straight and you still asked if we should kiss just to get it out of the way. I regret it." That kiss had made me feel twisted up inside, like I was wrong and horrible and I felt disgusted with myself for what I'd done.

"You didn't have to agree!"

"Yes I did, because I knew Carly would be disappointed in me if I didn't help you talk about your stupid feelings! I figured if it'd help you then maybe she'd be proud of me for once!"

He glared at me. And it was silly of me to say but it's true. I always hated seeing her look so disappointed with me. I just wanted her to be proud of me. So I thought if it'd help him…and even if I never told her…she'd be proud of me because I helped.

He snarled and opened his apartment door and slammed it. He knew I was right, and it was wrong to just blame him but I had to shout and get that off my chest. I was sick of it weighing me down.

I turn back to the Shay's door and turn the knob slowly. I hear footsteps as I open it. I see Carly and Spencer looking out of breathe and Gibby sitting awkwardly on the couch. Nathan looks confused and Kyler is snickering behind a hand.

I ignore everyone else and walk over to Carly. I have a hand on either side of her face and I pull her into a kiss carefully.

I don't deserve Carly. She's worth more than my whole life. I kiss for all I am though. And it may not be worth much, it may not be worth millions or amazing jewels or anything special. It may not even be worth my five dollar shirt I'm wearing now.

But it's all I have.

And I'm more than willing to give it.

* * *

That stupid first kiss. That stupid, stupid move I didn't want to do, and had Carly not been swimming through my head that night and I wasn't covered in guilt…I wouldn't have.

But I was thinking of Carly, and my head was not on straight, and I was covered in guilt and riddled with panic that if I did not fix Freddie…she'd denounce me as her best friend.

I remember when it came up. When he handcuffed me to Gibby and I chased after him, even ripping the lock off the door…what I wouldn't give to go back and fix a few details of that whole time line.


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh yeah! A whole flashback chapter! Woo! It' hard to think of original lines for Carly...a lot harder than I thought it'd be anyways. But I'm trying!**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler!**

* * *

A person becomes destructive from the destructive ways they see around them. When you're a child and you see an adult, someone bigger than you doing something…you copy.

You can't help but copy because you know no better.

Destructive does as destructive sees. I caused trouble because I saw my mother cause trouble, and even then I was always two different people. I had to be tough skinned Sam to protect myself and my sister and my brother, and I had to be Samantha who could never turn away her crying identical sister.

Since the start I was torn. And when Nathan came along when I was at the still tender age of eleven…I had to grow up and get even more tough skinned. I had no other option.

I had gotten Melanie sent off to boarding school so she wouldn't have a chance to have to be like me. And Nathan was too small to go anywhere. So I had to suck it up and basically be his mom because then…my mom wasn't even my mom to me.

_….._

_I had left a four year old Nathan with Spencer that day._

_I stomped over to Carly's from school, Gibby whining and crying that his wrist hurt. I was to aggravated and annoyed to care. I opened the door, fully expecting the chain lock to snap. "Open this door!" I called._

_"Call the police." I could hear Freddie; he must've been talking to Carly. I heard a giggle and a small voice say, 'Uh oh.' Nathan was there._

_"Open this door!" I shouted again._

_"Leave me alone Sam, we're even!" Oh…he doesn't know me very well does he? Sam Puckett has never played to get even. Not ever._

_I let out the paten war cry and rip the chain lock clean off the door and the door frame. "Come here Benson!" I snarl, Gibby is terrified, and the big sister in me is telling to calm down and take it easy because he's still a kid. Nathan is watching from the couch._

_Fredward backs away quickly. Only a coward uses a female as a shield. Carly whips around to look at him. "You handcuffed her to Gibby?"_

_"Well she put a dead fish in my locker!"_

_"Not the same!" I snap. And I control the puke fest of words for once and resist the urge to say that Gibby is worse than a dead fish. He got dragged into this, and for once not by me._

_He backs away and I try and grab him. "Give me the key!"_

_"Freddie." Carly will always be a better person than me, she always has been. That's why she deserves someone who isn't prone to destructive tendencies._

_"Fine, but only If she promises," I don't make promises to people like Fred Benson; it just doesn't happen because it's not natural._

_I finally grab him after ringing around the kitchen a few times and Carly tries to pry us apart. "Give me that key or so help me God," I let the threat hang because he knows I'll do something drastic. That's what Sam does._

_"Okay! It's in my front pants pocket left side." Yeah…I'm not digging in his pocket. I look at Carly. _

_"Get the key." She starts to but then cringes away. See, she's never liked him enough to touch him in any way really._

_"No, gross."_

_"Just let me up and I'll get it, just stop trying to make my arm double-jointed!"_

_I let him up but I keep his arm held tight as he unlocks the handcuffs and Gibby runs screaming from the apartment. Nathan is laughing._

_I turn to the nerd and snatch up the front of his shirt. He shakes his head and frowns. He's scared. I've been able to ready body language since I was four. He's shaking and his eyes are twitching around because he isn't sure where to look. His shoulders are squeezed in, he's ready for me to throw a punch and give him a shiner._

_But I don't. I can't because Carly is there and she'll give me that look that makes me flinch. That disappointed look that makes me hate myself._

_"Sam Puckett doesn't play to get even. That's not how this game works." It never has worked that way. It just didn't fit into my life that way. "Mama plays to win." I shove him away from me. _

_I turn to Nathan whose long hair is covering most of his eyes so he has to tilt his head back to look at you. "Come on Nathe, we're going home." I call it home but that's never what it's been to you or to him for that matter. I grab his Space Laser's backpack and slip it on him as he stands on the couch. He slips his small arms around my neck as I lift him onto my hip._

_"I'm gunna get you back Benson." I glance over at him. Just looking at him makes me want to beat his brains in. "Maybe not today or tomorrow…but I can tell you…you'll never see it comin." I head towards the door as the nerd scoffs._

_"I'm not scared." He's trying to sound tough for my girl, we both know it. But his voice gives him away and I turn back again before leaving._

_"…Yes you are." I open the door and exit._

_Everyone but Carly, Nathan, Spencer, and Mel was scared of me. I had a reputation to uphold after all._

_…._

_Nathan's bed was a smaller one I bought next to mine. I got a few different locks for the inside of the door; I could never trust mom or her boyfriend of the week. So I made sure that once Nathan was going to bed, I was in here with him and every lock was locked securely._

_"You have fun with Spence today little dude?" I smile, lifting my baby brother onto my bed. He bounced a few times, nodding with a grin. "That's good."_

_He nodded some more. "Freddie's in trouble." His speech isn't perfect but he's farther along than most kids his age. Especially the ones with drunken parents who rule their lives._

_But no, I decided as soon as I held Nathan with my still small arms for the first time that I was gunna do everything to make sure he was on the right track. Like Carly and Spencer. _

_….._

_I went to see The First Kiss with Carly. And all I could think about while watching it was kissing the girl with the pretty brunette hair and the warm smiling eyes sitting next to me. _

_Sometimes I wonder if she knows I love her. That I have since we met and she fought back against me._

_I'm not sure what I am, I guess I'm considered a lesbian since I find a few girls cute in that way and any boy that looks my way hideous. But I think I'm just crazy in love with Carly Shay, end of story._

_We tell Spencer of the movie we saw. He makes a face at the cliché name. Nathan is watching Cartoons on the TV, he looks up at me. "What's that?" he asks curiously. I got him a hairband so his bangs stay parted._

_"What's what little man?" I drop my bag and sit next to him._

_"A kiss." I'd never gone over that romantic stuff with him. He was a boy, I'm sure he'll act like all boys do on the outside when they get a kiss._

_I kiss his forehead. "That's a kiss. Only the kiss we're talking about is something older people do when they touch their lips together." I explain. He thinks about it and nods. "Where are your lips?" He points to his mouth._

_"Right here!"_

_"Is everyone's mouth in the same spot?"_

_"Yeah!" He's gunna be a flippin genius I tell ya!_

_I ruffle his hair and stand. I point at him and take a serious face. "I better not here anything about you kissing anybody till you're seventeen kid." He blinks, makes a face, but nods._

_Carly giggles. "Don't scare him Sammy." She smacks my arm playfully. I scoff, pointing a thumb at myself._

_"I'm taking precaution, nobody is gunna use my kid brother for anything." Not even the occasional smooth._

_Here I was telling him not to kiss until he was seventeen, and I've been starving for a kiss from Carly since we first me. I'm awful._

_But on a lighter note…it is fun picking on Spencer's dream of football I think we all know is never going to happen._

_He tells me to throw the ball as hard as I can so he can run it. …Well…he asked me to. I think he forgets how strong I am. I whip the ball and there's a shout of pain. "Spence? You cool?" I call; kinda worried I really hurt him._

_He hobbles back in with it between his legs before falling over with a groan of pain._

_I glance at Carly who's trying not to laugh as hard as I am. "My bad."_

_She shrugs. "I'm sure he'll live." Of course he will. Because Spencer is Spencer and he's never been the type to let small things get him down. I admire that in anybody._

_….._

_Freddie comes in with a baseball bat. I smirk. "You really think that'd help you if I wanted to hurt you?" He swallows and sits._

_Freddie is Freddie, and because he's always trying to see the big picture but can never quite get it into focus, he always misses the little things in life. And he always will._

_He doesn't see me as a girl like Carly does. I may have to punch him in the face if he ever did. That's why he has the bat. Because he sees me as just a boy with a girlish voice and long hair, it's all he sees. And because that's what he sees I think he knows I may be competition in the future for Carly here._

_"So how was The First Kiss?" He asks, looking at Carly only._

_"A giant ball of total chizz." I respond. Carly laughs._

_"I should have listened huh?" She looks at me, head lolled to the side. I smile and nod. "We should have gone to see that zombie movie." It's sweet of her to be willing to go see things I'm into. But she had wanted to see what the movie's rating were, and me being me…I followed her quickly and willingly into the dark theater of clichés._

_And I don't know why I asked…but I had to be sure…I had to know. "So who was yours?" I cut Fredward off. I can feel his glare._

_"My what?"_

_"First kiss."_

_"Sam!" She's blushing, giving me a look that means more than she can say in front of Benson. I smirk, because if she hasn't had one yet, maybe I can be it._

_"What? We're all…" I glance at Freddie. "…Well we're two best friends and that other kid." I shrug._

_"Fine." She sighs. "Ben Hoopsher." Benson and I both laugh. "What?"_

_"Who's last name is Hoopsher?" I ask with a grin, even though I'm cut up inside because I didn't get my wish. Not shocking to be honest with you._

_I'm used to not getting what I want by now. It's normal for me._

_I ask if it was nice, and when I say the potato salad I think she and I both know it isn't what I meant. But now I know I just have to do better than average._

_I make up some lame story about some guy I've never seen at something that's not as important to me as Carly. And they buy it, even though Carly gives me this lingering look that tells me I'm either not telling everything or I'm lying. We've always been so in-tune with each other these kinds of things are easy to spot._

_I've known Benson hasn't been with a girl for a while. I've always wondered if he's kissed a girl. Because that's ultimate information for a bully. We know how to hit the victim where it hurts. That's why we're bullies._

_I head out to nab some food, potato salad or not I need something to eat. I grab the baseball bat in case I need it. It's late and you never do know who slinks around when the sun goes out._

_I'm halfway down the stairs before I realize I don't have any money. I should start keeping some on hand. I think to ask Spencer for some because he's right there with Nathe watching some reality show or whatever it is. But I can't because I owe the Shay's enough as it is._

_I head back upstairs to get some cash from Benson, and that's when I find out exactly what I need to know to get Fredward back for his little prank._

_"I haven't had my first kiss."_

_"Oh shut up."_

_Why was it such a big deal to have your first kiss? Half the people that say they've kissed someone are liars anyways. Because you can say it and nobody has anything to prove you wrong._

_"I've seriously never kissed anyone."_

_"…What about that mean girl last year?"_

_"Nope."_

_"…It's sweet in a way. Like that saving yourself totally for your soul mate. That kinda thing." Nobody our age thinks of finding their soul mate, but Carly does. I think she always has. Like how every girl pictures their future husband…only they don't know who it is. I think that's part of why girls end up as 'those girls' ….you know the kind I mean._

_"It's not sweet Carly. It's lame." Typical male comment if you think about it. One guy wants attention and if any other guy doesn't fall behind he's a wuss, and God forbid anyone have a mind of their own sometimes yunno? "You've gotta swear to me you won't tell. Especially not Sam!"_

_Oh, too late for that one Fred-dork!_

_….._

_I get called over to help Spencer train for this football thing we're all aware he won't finish. "What's up?" I ask as I walk in._

_"Spencer needs someone to motivate him to work out." Carls explains. Heh…she should have called someone that would help him take the easy road to train. But she called me…she called me because she knows I'm strong._

_It's flattering, but only from her._

_"So, what do I do first?" He seems hyped. I smirk and he frowns. "I-I don't want Sam toe help." He mumbles, glancing at Carly._

_"Oh stop, if anybody can get you to build muscle its Sam." She grins, turning him away. "What do we do first?" She's all for helping him even though the look in her eyes says it's a total waste._

_My smirk widens and next thing Spencer knows…he's circling the couch with Carly in a wheelbarrow. _

_"Move it! Don't start slacking on me now!" I shout through a megaphone. "Come on! Move faster!"_

_"I'm trying! It's heavy!" He shouts back. I think he just called Carly fat, or she thinks he does because she looks thoroughly offended. I amp it up just for her benefit. "Move it Spence! Be a man! Go, go, run!" _

_"It hurts!"_

_"Hundred and ten percent man! Now move it! Don't slack off!"_

_He circles one more time before letting go. "It's to hard man…why do I have to start with this? Can't I do push-ups or something?" He looks at me._

_I chew the gum in my mouth. "No."_

_"Why?"_

_"What kind of push-ups do you do?"_

_He looks down and away. "The girl kind." He mumbles._

_I chuckle. "Pull Carly up the stairs."_

_"What?" They both shout at me and I wave them off, pointing to the stairs._

_"Come on, do it."_

_He huffs, grabbing the handles and pulling as hard as he can up the stairs one by one. I chuckle, this was to funny._

_"Oh my God you're so heavy! Who makes people do this?" He shouts._

_"Sam could do it!" Carly shouts. "Come on!"_

_I laugh because she's right. It'd be a lot easier on me if I was pulling her up the stairs, but it's not. So I sit and let Spencer finish._

_Freddie comes in with Nathan. "Quit letting my mom watch him." It was rare but she wasn't as psycho with him as she was with Freddie, maybe because my baby brother could almost take care of himself. "She thinks he's a little angel."_

_Nathan runs over to me and I scoop him up, blowing raspberries on his cheek. He giggles and squirms. "He is a little angel." I grin, looking up at Fredward. "You can go now."_

_He rolls his eyes and leaves in a huff. _

_Just you wait nerd linger…you've got it comin._

_…_

_We made fun of that First Kiss cliché movie with our own…_

_"Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie." We announce together in fake Valley Girl accents._

_I can't help but laugh every time I see it. We really did good. And then the fact that this is the perfect moment to get Benson back hits me. It hits me like a ton of bricks and I almost explode with laughter._

_It's just too perfect to be true._

_But the fact that Carly will most likely be disappointed with me makes me re-think my whole idea._

_You know…I'd be a great spoof actress. Watching myself play Natalie was even funnier than the last few times I watched it. I should look into that._

_Carly starts to wrap up the show before I butt in. "Wait…just one moment." She gives me a confused look as I lean to the camera. "You all know our technical producer, Freddie." I hear her gasp and I know she now knows I overheard her conversation with Benson._

_Those quick brains never fail._

_"Show them your mug Benson." I order. He looks so confused I almost crack up on the spot._

_He turns the camera to himself, awkward and nervous. His back stiffens. He's curious at why I'm doing this and because I'm me he knows it's nothing good. "Hello?" He turns the camera away. I smirk; because he's just made a huge mistake in actually doing what I asked him to._

_"That's Freddie, who last week handcuffed me to Gibby." I smile like I'm happy, and if anyone knows Sam Puckett the way they should by now…they'll know this can only end badly. "So now guess what I'm gunna do." I step closer. "Fredward Benson's never kissed a girl." I grin. I can see his eyes go wide and his mouth slide open. Oh yeah…don't ever mess with this punk._

_And for half a moment I do my best to ignore Carly's disappointed look when I step back. I try and act proud and happy and so 'Sam'. And I know she won't be proud of me but karma can really nip you in the butt. True chizz._

_"I heard him say so myself and Carly's a witness." I shouldn't have brought her into this. If I could take it back I would but the annoying thing about time is that it always keeps moving._

_There's a silence before I wave to the camera. "Peace." And I head out. I ignore the look on Carly's face for now because I know she'll come after me and I know I'll feel awful. I know that. But I don't regret doing what I did to him. I regret Carly having to see and hear me do it, and bringing her in on it…but not him._

_"Sam! Sam, come on! You'd ruined Freddie's life forever!"_

_Sucks to be him then don't it?_

_…._

_I watched Mamma Mia! with Nathan that night. I was surprised he picked this one. And that song…that song by that blonde girl made me think of Carly. And of my life…it just kinda clicked._

_I think it's my new favorite song._

_…Carly is really upset with me. I can't blame her, but I still don't regret getting him back. Maybe I shouldn't have done it that way but it's done. _

_It's so 'Sam' of me to always cause destruction wherever I go. But it's even more Sam of me to feel bad because Carly will hate me. Well maybe not hate…but still._

_Why did I always have to be so me?_

_….._

_That disappointed look really ground my gears. I could stomach insults from my mom's boyfriends of the moment. I could deal with my mother's constant bite of me being born on a bus and I'd never be anybody. I could handle those things._

_I couldn't, however; handle the fact that Carly could barely even look at me. She'd been frowning all day. She felt bad for Benson so she must feel even worse because I said something. _

_Nathan sat in the fat armchair watching me curiously. It was strange for him to see me act nervous. Carly made me nervous. She'd always be the only thing that could ever make me so nervous, happy, afraid, and excited all at once._

_She was annoyed with me. Being a bully, as I've said, comes in handy. She was tense, stiff. Her eyes were jittery; like she wanted to look at me but if she did she may have to say something. But the slump of her shoulders told me she just didn't know what to do. She was helpless._

_Why do I always have to be so me?_

_"Hey Carls, sorry I'm late. I had to stop and get Nathe a snack." Not totally true but not really a lie. I dragged my feet coming here. I was scared to see this reaction._

_"You're always late."_

_Ouch._

_"The show doesn't start for three more minutes. It's cool right?" Why did I always seem to have zero control over my mouth? Like all the words I wanted to say always came out different. "Anyways at least I'm here, I don't see Fred-weird around." In hindsight…maybe not the best choice of words for even me to use._

_"He's not coming." She looks at me finally and I want to say I'm sorry so bad. Her eyes say, 'how could you?' Only I'm not even sure how I could. But wait…yeah I do. Because I'm so 'Sam.'_

_And because I'm so Sam…I say this, "What? He's ditched school all week, missed two rehearsals, and now he's gunna miss the show? Totally unprofessional, shocking of Fred-dork."_

_Carly huffs, turning to glare at me. "Do you ever feel guilty Sam? He's been humiliated because you told everyone he's never kissed anyone before. How can you not see how bad you hurt him?" _

_It's not him I've hurt though. He may be embarrassed because of me, but it's expected and all of us know that. The one this really bothers is her. She's bothered because her best friend is being teased because of me. And he's bothered that she is because of something I said. So we're both hurting because Carly is and she's hurting because of me._

_Confusing…but that's just the way it really is._

_And I want nothing more than to tell her that I'm sorry for her. I'm sorry she's hurt because of me. But I can't say it. Because it's Freddie Benson. Freddie Benson, who for the last long while has been my competition for the only person keeping my head above the water._

_If I lost her…not even Nathan could keep me going._

_"He just sits on the fire escape because he's too afraid to see anyone. He won't even talk to his mom." She's really upset. She's not looking at me again. I swallow my nerves. "You basically destroyed his whole life, and this is how you act?" She shakes her head, sighing. "You don't even care." And she pauses…,"I don't know if I should be surprised or not." _

_And now I have to say I'm sorry. I have to fix this somehow. I have to because I don't care that I screwed Benson's life over. You can think I'm totally shallow if you want to. Like I've said time and time over…Carly's opinion is the only thing that has ever really mattered to me._

_She can't even look at me…I can feel my heart twist in my chest. Like an iron first is squeezing and pulling it open. How do you fix something like this?_

_"I'll say sorry Carls." I try, but she's upset…she's angry. She's angry at me. Just like Nathan seeing me nervous…seeing Carly angry with me isn't something I'm used to._

_"It doesn't matter anymore if you say you're sorry Sam. He's still going to get picked on. This time it's not something you can fix." She glares at me, but she still looks so disappointed. _

_I have to be able to fix this, there's got to be something. I can't handle the thought of losing Carly; just thinking about it makes me want to puke._

_"You really went too far this time Sam." That sound of defeat. It's all because of me. Freddie is upset and hurt because she's hurt. Not because I said something about a kiss. Yeah he's embarrassed, but what gets him is that she's here with me trying to think of some miracle to save us all and not helping him personally. She's here with me…that's what bugs him the most._

_Because even for something I started, it should be him she's talking to. Only she's not. He's more hurt because everything in his life rewires back to me. But Carly is the main artery._

_Everyone hurts because I hurt Carly. It's the main circle._

_She shrugs. "Never mind, we've gotta do the show."_

_"I can't. Now that I'm all depressed." She thinks I'm depressed because I messed up with Freddie. If only she knew how wrong she was._

_She scoffs, her voice is soft but she's still so angry. "Just get in front of the camera and do it." She snaps softly. When you hear that song, 'Killing me softly'…the title is everything her voice is right now, not the song itself…just the title. And it hurts. _

_I glance at Nathan, he's got his legs tucked up against his chest and he's frowning. He's just as alienated by Carly being upset as I am._

_We act…we're amazing at it. But I think everyone can tell how much we're faking. I've never frowned so much during a show. _

_And not even three minutes in…I can't act anymore. She keeps looking at me with disappointment and I'm so scared she'll leave me behind. So I suck it up, stop the actual show…and I do something that I'm so afraid will make me look even worse in her eyes._

_It's like…if I could compare this feeling of helpless dread…it'd be like…_

_It'd be like walking on stage in front of ten million people…and doing an act you've redone and edited twelve million times in your head…only your eyes are closed and you don't know where the edge of the stage is until you fall. And everyone laughs…and nobody is there to pick of the pieces that are you._

_…Yeah…it's a lot like that._

_"Last time you guys watched…I said something I really shouldn't have. It was personal…and totally not my business. If I could take it back I would." But not for his sake, and I know he's watching or listening or whatever he's doing because he'd never miss a second of watching Carly…just like me. I think he knows I'm not saying sorry to him if he is tuning in._

_"So just back off Benson alright. Because we all know half the people that brag about their kisses are lying their butts off." True chizz. "Most of you have never even had a kiss…," and I suck it up and say what I'm so scared to on the,_

**_World_**_._

**_Wide_**_._

**_Web_**_._

_"Including me." I glance at Carly, she's at a loss of words…but she's not disappointed…there's a shine of pride in her eyes. I feel better._

_"Nope…I've never kissed anyone." I turn back to the camera. "So if you're gunna tease anybody then tease me. Which," I think everybody that watches knows this but I still feel the need to say it. "Is strongly un-recommended unless there's a hospital near you."_

_Carly stops the show, I feel the urge to laugh at the idea of a guy with shrimp up his nose, but I can't. "What'd you stop the show for Carls?" I was looking forward to the meatball war…I'm hungry._

_She smiles. She's not disappointed, and that crushing feeling of dread lifts off me. She's not going to leave me behind. "That was amazing, what you said."_

_I shrug. "Yeah, I guess." Not really. I'm gunna get funny stares for the rest of the year now at school._

_"You lied so kids would stop picking on Freddie." She should know I'd never lie in front of her, at least not about something this big._

_I look at her. "I didn't lie though."_

_She blinks. "Wait…so you've," she leaves it._

_"Nope." I shake my head. I've never kissed anybody because I wanted my first kiss to be with her. I wanted to say those words (though more revised) to her. But I'm a coward. I gutless coward._

_"Anyone?"_

_I give her a funny look. If my ears are lying to me she sounds almost hopeful. "That shocking to hear huh?"_

_"You always seemed the type to be okay with kissing." …Did she just call me what I think she did…you know the word…I'm not gunna say it._

_I was totally against kissing anybody but Carly; but again…I'm too much of a coward to say it._

_So…instead of embarrassing myself more in front of her…I say what she's wanted to hear since I got in here. "I'll go talk to Benson now." I point to Nathan on my way out. "Be good for Carls."_

_He nods. "Kay!" He rubs his head with his tiny hands, messing up his blonde locks. I'm really sure it's gunna be a habit…he's been doing that the last few days._

_…_

_God he looks like such a freakin loner out there in that chair. I almost feel bad for him instead of Carly. But I don't. I knock on the glass so he knows I'm there. It's so unlike me he looks surprised to see who it is._

_"What's going on Benson?"_

_He shrugs. "Nothing."_

_Ugh I just wanna punch him! Why'd he have to be like this? Why couldn't he just say that little kiss he had with his last girl that was half a second long was a real kiss? We wouldn't be here if he would just say that!_

_But he's him so he can't just take a small half kiss from someone he can't see as Carly. I know he thinks that because I think that._

_"It was brave yunno…what you said tonight." I don't need this from him…I need it from her._

_I knew he'd be listening in. "So you did hear huh?"_

_He smirks, like he has some amazing secret or somethin. "Did you really think I'd miss iCarly?" He doesn't miss it cause he doesn't want to miss a second of the amazement that is Carly Shay._

_I don't blame him, cause I can't miss a second either._

_"I'm sorry." I finally let my walls of pride down. This is for Carly and we both know it. "I shouldn't have said your business like that. I'm sorry I pull mean pranks on you all the time." I'm not totally sorry, I never will be. And the look he gives me tells me he knows that about me. I'm still gunna pull pranks on him, I may even do it more often now. But at least I've said I'm sorry._

_"You're still gunna mess with me aren't you?" He smiles because he knows the answer I'll give him._

_"Of course I am. You're Freddie and I'm Sam…we don't mix. So I have to pull pranks on you. It's only fair." In my 'Sam' mind it makes perfect sense, and that's all I need. "But…I suppose every few years I could say sorry." I doubt I ever will though…only if it's bad enough._

_"Yeah I think it'd be creepy if you didn't make my life miserable." He chuckles. I roll my eyes but I grin. In the way Freddie Benson and Sam Puckett work…I'd always be the bully and he'd always be the nerd. Only in our story…the nerd loses the girl, and I plan on having that be reality. "Course you could pull back just,"_

_"No."_

_"I figured."_

_See? This is just how these things work. It's natural._

_I rant about the cliché that is the first kiss. And all I can think of is Carly. She's all I can see…even on Benson's neck all I can see is her face. I barely hear him agree with me. Cause right now I just want to go back to Carly, tell her I helped Benson…and hopefully get my first kiss with the girl of my dreams._

_Only…that doesn't happen. For some reason I agree to kiss him. I agree because Carly has had her first kiss…so I figure if I have one maybe I'll know what to do. And I know I'm wrong and I know I'm horrible…but I just want Carly and I to be okay. No matter what it takes._

_My first kiss has only ever been Carly in my mind…so when he leans…I picture Carly. But it's not at all how I figured Carly's lips would be. And it sends me crashing back to Earth from my brain with limb numbing guilt. _

_I'd always pictured Carly's lips as soft and sweet and just…nice. They're always so pink and pretty. I sometimes wondered if they taste like strawberries. I wondered if, because they're so pink, if I ever kissed them enough would they get a bright hot pink._

_But this isn't anything a first kiss should be. It's not with someone I even like. His lips are chapped, hard, and cold. Nothing like how Carly's look. How they must be. And the winding twist of guilt makes me want to paint something anything red with any crimson liquid I can find…even the stuff gushing through my veins that freezes to a halt when I realize how wrong this is._

_"Hey," I look back as I get ready to all-to-willingly leave this moment far behind me where it never should have come up. "I hate you." Only it doesn't sound like he does…but he wishes he did._

_I shrug. "Yeah, whatever." I leave, almost running back to the studio._

_Carly looks surprised as I throw myself at her and hug her for all I'm worth. She keeps asking what's wrong and what happened but I'm to upset with myself to speak. I think I cried a little._

_Why couldn't I just have sucked it up and come back when I knew Carly would be okay?_

_Oh yeah…because I wanted her to be so proud of me she could never be disappointed again._


	9. Chapter 9

**Ohh...not my best work...but again I tried my best. Hope you like it :p**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler!**

* * *

Meeting my father for the first time…just thinking it made my stomach knot. I asked Melanie the other night if I could get her a ride back so she could meet him but,

_'No.'_

_'Why not?'_

_'I don't know. It's just…it's weird to think about.'_

_'We talked about this when we were kids Mel.'_

_'I know Sam. And I do want to meet him,'_

_'So why not come out here and meet him?'_

_'I don't know. It's just that I've never even talked to him…you have and we're sixteen now…'_

_'I only talked to him once, Nathe hasn't even had that. You'll be in the same boat.'_

_'No. I can't go Sam.'_

_'Mel…,'_

_'I'm sorry Sam.'_

It'd be strange because she's not a fan of people being important in her life she's never met. It's this thing she has and I'm not sure where she got it from.

_'It's okay.'_

_'Let me know how it goes?'_

_'Of course.'_

Mom was all for us visiting, she kept trying to get me to call Melanie and make her come with us. I couldn't tell her what my sister had told me. My mom wasn't in tune with people like I was, like my friends seemed to be with me.

I think she'd be disappointed to know that Melanie of all people doesn't wanna meet our dad. Perfect little Mel that's always so happy and eager to know people. Count our father out.

"I'll call her mom." I finally interrupt her rant on how nice it'd be for all three of us to meet her. "I'm gunna head over to Carly's." I stand. "You want me to take Nathe?" She shakes her head, waving it off.

"Nah, we'll watch a movie or something. Plan some things. You go on." I nod; it's nice to be able to trust her with him for a day.

* * *

She's so cute when she can't stop giggling and laughing like this. "S-Sam stop!" I chuckle as I continue to tickle her sides and belly. "It tickles!"

"Kinda the idea Cupcake."

She giggles harder and I stop. She's breathing hard from all the tickling and squirming around. She's on her side, curling into herself. Her blue tank top riding up to show a nice strip of skin that was now very warm to the touch. Her cheeks are a nice shade of pink.

I smile; kneeling over here I sit carefully on my knees. I look lower at her legs. She's in those cute little shorts I love to see on her. "See, I stopped."

She huffs, looking up at me. "Yeah after I begged you to for the last three minutes. My stomach hurts."

I sat up a little as she turned onto her back. "Want me to kiss it better?" I tease, she laughs, slapping my arm playfully.

"Sammy."

I take that as a yes and slip back so I'm kneeling over her legs. I lift up her shirt and plant kisses on her flat belly. She giggles more but this time it's relaxed and her stomach muscles aren't straining. I feel her fingers curl through my hair and she gives this adorable little coo when I kiss her bellybutton.

Once I get to her ribcage I stop, because I know neither of us is ready to go farther than this. I finally let myself lay half on top half beside her; I don't want to put too much weight on her. Her arms are around my shoulders and her fingers are still in my hair.

My head is on her shoulder, she's so warm. My fingers dance absentmindedly over her exposed belly, dipping into her bellybutton now and then. "You're nervous about meeting your dad." To anybody else it would have been a question. But we've been best friends for years and we've been like _this_ for a little over a month.

She knows I'm nervous, that I'm wired from this thing about to happen. I nod against her shoulder and she runs her fingers through my hair again. "How come?"

I shrug not really all that sure. "I never met him and he's my dad. It's just awkward I guess."

There's no need for me to explain it more because she just gets it. Another reason we work the way we do. We just click and because we just click I don't need to explain every little thing. Great minds think alike as they say.

"Everything will be okay. I bet he's a really great guy." She kisses my forehead. "I wonder if you look more like him or your mom."

"He _sounds_ like a great guy babes. I'm pretty sure it's an even thing with how we look too." I snuggle closer to her, ready for a nice nap. "I'll have to wait and see how he really is when Nathe and I meet him."

"That's true. No use worrying about it so much now." She agrees with me, I can feel her breath on my temple. My fingers dip into her belly button again and tickle over her hip and side on her right. She does that adorable little coo again and snuggles closer (if it's possible). Our legs twining together and the sheets pushed down to the end of the bed.

I'd have to see for myself how my dad really was. If I could actually call him dad someday or just father off the bat. I had to see for myself. Nathan in tow of course. We'd see just how honest Tanner Puckett is.

Good will hunting we will go.

* * *

I decide not to bring Nathan with me. I leave him with the Spencer, Freddie, and Kyler for the day. I just…I don't feel right letting them meet. It's just…he's still so small. I don't think he'd understand what was happening.

Mom drove me to his work place, a huge iron metal ware house in front of an amazingly giant junkyard. Carly sat next to me in the back; she held my hand and watched out the window with me.

"He doesn't live here does he?" I asked worriedly.

Mom laughs. "No, it's just his workshop. He has a room in the back for overnight jobs but his house is much nicer than this."

I nod. "Right." I was so nervous, this was almost surreal. I had only heard bits about my dad…I just never saw myself meeting him. Not even in my dreams.

"You know…meeting him actually means leaving the car." Carly teased gently.

I nod again. "Right." But I can't move…I'm too nervous.

"Sam," she nudges me. I look at her with a frown. "You have to do this."

I know I do. I know I need to do this for my mom, my baby brother, for my sister…I know. But it's just so…_weird_! Now I totally get how single parents and lonely kids feel. But I forgot what lonely felt like…I've been with Carly so long I forgot what it means to be alone. Nathan's been on my hip since he was born, Mel's been on my coattails since I was old enough to know how to throw my fists.

Being alone was something I forgot how to be. But being here now…I remember something…I must've only been about three because the memory is really fuzzy. But I remember holding my sister in a hug, we were in a dark room…I think it was a closet. Someone was shouting, screaming, and we were scared. I remember hearing a loud slam like a door…and then I can't remember anything after that.

I take a deep breath…I wasn't a kid anymore...and I wasn't alone…but that sinking feeling lonely kids have, that I used to get before Nathan was here (though I hated to acknowledge it). I was Sam Puckett, Sam Puckett doesn't get scared. But Samantha does. "Come with me?" I ask with a small timid smile.

She gives me this little smile that's a cross between seeming like she was waiting for me to ask and she was going to come along either way. "Of course, now let's go." She nudges me and I finally open the door.

"Text me and I'll come and pick you up." Mom calls…but…I still don't see why she won't even stick around to say hi. She'd been meeting up with him the last while hasn't she? I shrug it off and nod. She pulls away.

I'm still holding Carly's hand like a scared kid. "Come on, I'm right here…you're gunna be fine." She soothes, making me feel only a little better.

I turn and look at the ware house. It looked daunting as high as it stood, even though there were only two levels.

Thank God for Carly, she takes the first steps and tugs me along. "Everything is going to be fine Sammy, you'll see." I look over at her. She gives me that sweet smile that makes me melt every time. "Come on…where's my warrior girl?" She nudges me, teasing.

"Warrior girl eh?" We're passed the open gates leading into the ware house front yard. I was, but only for the ones that needed me to be. Mainly Nathan, Carly, and Mel (when she was here).

She nods and looks ahead. "You're strong enough to take on anything. So I know you can tackle this."

Carly was the first person to see the good I had in me. When I was punching bigger bullies than me in the nose and giving nerds ultra wedgies and making geeks do my homework. She actually fought back and talked to me and saw past the '_Sam'_ walls I built up all around me.

"Need something?" I gripped Carly's hand tighter and pulled her closer to me on instinct. Looking to the right I actually saw a lot of neat things.

Metal trees with twisted flowers, old cars with shiny blue paint, abstract sculptures, bodies with half human half something else…twisted massive shapes of iron, steel, and gold with bronze. Did my dad make all of these?

I look at the person walking towards up calmly, rubbing his hands free of oil with a worn rag. His hair is a light sandy brown, messy around the crown of his head. His shirt was torn here and there, leaving the collar of his shirt only attached by a few strips of cloth. His jeans were cut offs (it reminded me of the time I'd mutilated Benson's clothes). He stopped a few feet away. "Can I help you ladies?" He smiled, raising his brows. He had to be about Gibby's age.

"Is Tanner here?" Carly asks for me.

"Boss? Sure thing. He's here every day. You have business or something?" He looks at us curiously.

"Um, well he's…sorry what's your name?" Carly is talking for me because now I'm nervous again.

"Dannler."

Carly must give him a funny look because he shrugs with an embarrassed smile. "East coast and southern name I guess. Not sure."

Carly nods. "That's neat. Oh, anyways we need to talk to him. It's important."

"And you are…?" He leaves the sentence open.

"His daughter." I finally manage to speak.

Dannler blinked, and then sprang into action. "Right! I dunno why I didn't see it; you look a lot like him. Shoulda at least figured you were some kinda relative." While he's talking he jogs to the large metal doors, grabs a hanging remote. There's a click…and then a loud grinding sounded.

Carly made a face and flinched toward me as the sound of metal on metal screeched. I smiled, squeezing her hand tighter for half a second. It was funny to me, that even through her boyfriends (that were just like me or looked like me), she would always do this. First and last line of defense.

"Right this way." Dannler waves us in as the doors continue to grind open.

This place was like something I'd seen in a movie. All the sculptures of things I'd never seen before, these not just made from metal. Some from glass, some from melted plastic, paper, wood, scraps of things I couldn't identify. "Did he make all these?" I asked curiously, looking around.

Glancing up I spotted a flock of birds hanging from the ceiling made of different colors of glass. The way they hung in the light made it look…what's the word? Majestic. I never thought I'd use that word in a sentence.

"Yep. A few smaller ones I made, but he helped me out."

"You work here for free?" Carly asks.

"I'm willing to because this will help me out with my college major when I go, but he insists on paying us." Dannler answers, still walking a ways ahead…this place was freakin huge!

"Us?" Carly and I glance at each other.

"Sure thing, he can't really run this whole place on his own. He gets money from the state to get rid of a lot of this junk, and he gets money from art galleries all around the world for his sculptures." The boy explains. "Next time you come back I'm sure a few of these are gunna be gone."

"How many others work here?" Carly asks, looking around just as much as I am.

Dannler turns his head, opens his mouth to answer but just before he does somebody else speaks. "I'm sure I can answer that for you." The voice is my father's, I can already tell from the slips I've heard of him talking to my mom and the one conversation I've had with him. It's coming from the second floor.

"Sure thing boss, I thought you were compacting some more stuff for another job." Dannler looks up, that look on his face is familiar. It's familiar because it's a look of awe. I've had it on my face since Carly and I met.

"I am. I'll be going back outside in a bit." He sounds patient. "Send them up?"

Dannler looks at us and Carly looks back at me. I had been the only one who hadn't looked up. "Stairs are over there." He points. "Be out front working on that car if you need me Boss."

"Got it."

Carly tugs me over to the stairs; God…why was I so incompetent today? Oh yeah…I'm meeting my dad for the first time in my sixteen years of living.

I can see him walking over to us as we walk up the stairs. Carly tugs my hand to make me turn to face him. I give her a look, and I'm not sure what it is because I feel like I'm just a raw nerve right now.

But she smiles that Carly Shay smile and rubs her thumb gently over the back of my hand. And now I feel better, but only a little.

I take a deep breath…

I can hear his footsteps getting closer. Mom said he seemed so happy that I'd be here today. But what if I do something stupid, or say something dumb?

But if he was who I was lead to believe that stuff wouldn't really matter would it? No, it shouldn't.

So I suck it up, and suddenly I'm just so me. I'm tough…I can't let this make me weak; if anything it should just make me stronger.

I lift my eyes to see my father for the first time in my life…


	10. Chapter 10

**Finally the next chapter. This took me a while...not sure why...the next chapter may be based on iFight Shelby Marx depending on what you think. Only Sam would be fighting of course :p**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

* * *

"Hi Carly…," he looks at me, right in the eye. "Sam." He smiles, kind, warm, just a how a dad is supposed to.

He's tall…my dad is tall, taller than Spencer (who has pretty much been the only father figure in my life that meant anything). His arms looked like how…I can't even describe it…like if you could take a small chunk of Earth and bend it…his arms would look like that. Not gnarled or ugly, but strong, like the earth. Muscles made of slim wires of strong metals that tightened and wound under the skin.

He had those hands that proved he worked to make his life what it is today. Like he's been working since he could lift his hands and make them move because he wanted them to. They looked like they could punch through and iron grate, but like they were gentle enough to make a small flower from still hot glass. Careful enough to take care of a child.

His shoulders were broad, but they seemed to have a weight…like he was Atlas holding up the world. And for all I knew about him he could be.

Everything about him spoke of power and care and tact. Everything my mother hadn't been for sixteen years to my brother and sister.

I finally take in his face. He has a laughing face, carved of marble. He's smiling down at me now, it's nice. His cheeks have dimples, like mine and Melanie's. I can see why mom said we have the same eyes. They're the same shade of blue/green that always seems to change color depending on the mood. Like my eyes, Melanie and Nathan have mom's eyes…only slightly plain (just like she usually is). But he and I…our eyes have that twinkle…that spark of laughter with that twist of mischief and creativity just underneath.

His hair is blonde, only just curly and just over his eyes; the rest is tied back with a few loose strands. It's the exact same shade as mine with a few spots of brown here and there that make people think we dye. Only we don't, it's just a natural thing for us. Melanie's hair has a few sports like it but hers are a lighter tone. Nathan's hair is just golden blonde. His chin has a small glaze of stubble on it.

Give or take…if I were a grown male I'd be my father's spitting image. And even as a young teenager I still look a lot like him.

Of all the things I'd picture my dad to look like…this had not been it. My images were of jail cells or a strict businessman kind of deal. Not this man of height and muscle with his laid back style of a knit blue shirt and black jeans with high-top sneakers. (Now you know why I can pull off blue so well…it's in my blood.)

"Hi." I mumble, not as nervous now.

"You want to sit down and chat or would you both rather we stand till we can't feel our legs?" He was good natured in his sarcasm, his smile grew. And it wasn't uncomfortable…the pain in my chest just told me that I'd missed so much from not having this man as my father actively in my life.

"We'd like to sit." Carly wasn't nervous, she didn't really have a need to be. I didn't either. I don't think I really was nervous…but the weirdness of it got to me. Kids go through this everyday don't they? Find their missing parent…isn't that a TV show?

He nods, turning and leading us towards the section he'd apparently walked to us from. The open doorway he leads us to is streaming sunlight and blowing a small breeze through our hair. I blink and we're on a balcony looking over the side of the ware house. Filled with art works in the making. I spotted Dannler putting in a window on the car he was working on.

Tanner sat at a table made of metal with see through spots of colored glass here and there. "Have a seat." He motions to the free seats.

Carly sits and I sit beside her; it's only slightly embarrassing that my girlfriend is taking all the first steps. But right now I really need her to. "So, how long have you done this?" Carly looks around over the side of the balcony. We're pretty high up…if you fell over…your neck was doomed to snap and your spine to shatter into millions of tiny shards. You'd be doomed to die if you fell from such a height.

"Since I could hold a blow torch properly. Sooo…since I was just about seven. Maybe eight, not so sure anymore." He looks thoughtful, but his eyes shine with pride and love for his life's work.

"Wow, you're really good at it. I loved that flock of birds made from stained glass."

"Thank you, you can have it if you like."

"Really?"

"I made them for Sam and Melanie before they were born (obviously), I was gunna hang them in their room. But…well you know the rest." He chuckles, looking at me with a smile.

I finally spoke, something besides my small greeting of hello. "You made that for Mal and me?"

"Yeah. I was gunna have a whole theme for you two."

"Those birds look way to big to hang in a room."

"They look bigger than they are because of the space they hang from; they would have fit in your bedroom. I suppose now they'd just fit in your living room. Seriously, I can get them taken down and shipped tonight."

I nod. "Can you send it to Carly's place?" I wanted to see it at the place I spent most of my time.

"No problem."

There was a silence. And just like when I argued with Benson…I wanted to say and ask so much but I didn't know where to start or how to end. So I started with something simple. At least to me. "How come you never came around?"

"Your mom wouldn't let me."

"…Why not?" She seemed to love him so much.

"She wouldn't tell me. So I just sent her things I knew she'd need every now and then. Not sure if she ever used the stuff or not." He shrugged, giving a half smile.

So that's where Nathan's crib came from. "Did you make most of the stuff for us before we were born?"

He nods. "Yep, I made those old cribs for you and your sister. I brought them over but she sent me away." He looked thoughtful but sad.

"…Are you gunna come around now? Mom misses you a lot."

He gives me a smile; something I've seen on Spencer's face when he looks at Carly after she gets another great grade…it's wistful. Like…'when did you grow up?' or 'I miss this.' That kind of smile you get when you realize something good…but it's so sad.

"Still planning on it. Maybe at Nathan's birthday this year."

I smile back, just as wistful. "I think he'd like that a lot."

He puffs out a breath of laughter. "So…anything else?"

There were still a few things I wanted to know… "Do you have any brothers or sister I don't know about?"

"Your uncle Sean. He's my twin. Much more formal, he's a lawyer." He puffs up his cheeks when he talks about his brother's job and make a funny voice, sticking his chest out and acting like he was Superman. It made Carls and I laugh.

"You have a twin too?" I grin.

He nods, letting the air in his cheeks escape up as his head fell back and he looked at us again, his chest seeming to deflate like a popped balloon in slow motion. "Identical, they run on my side of the family. A few cousins are twins, my grandmothers are twins." He answers.

"Cool." I breathe. I wasn't nervous anymore…just happy. And I felt more like Sam than like '_Sam'_. It was a nice feeling.

"So…" he looks between Carly and I. His blue eyes keen and full of 'know'…about what I'm sure everyone can guess. "How long?" He asks with a smirk.

Carly gives me a confused look, I just smile. Because now I'm back in the game. I'm three steps ahead. But something tells me he's just a step ahead of me.

"Just a bit over a month." I answer easily, smiling wider when I hear Carly give a breathy 'Oh' when he chuckled with a nod.

"Nice and I suppose it has its perks huh? Knowing each other for so long."

I nod. "Sure does, how long were you and mom friends before you got married…or whatever it is you did."

"We were friends, and then we were married. I knew your mom when I was thirteen and she was twelve. We started dating in high school, we got married after college. And we're still technically married I guess." He explained, sighing and getting that wistful look again.

I wasn't expecting that…all this time…all this time she'd been trying to prove she was worth my father. And even after all this time she was still trying, true she had given up for a time but under it all she was still trying so hard. Trying so hard to be on equal ground when she didn't have to try at all. "You love mom?"

"Of course I do. She knows that. But she has this crazy idea she won't tell me about, but she always makes a comment every time we meet. Like she thinks I'm better or something. It's crazy."

I don't comment on it, mom wouldn't want me to. So I settle for something easy and more like myself. "Cool."

"Okay, no more uncomfortable talk for today." He smiles, lips curling up. "How about I show you around the shop and order some pizza or something?"

…Dude, where has this guy been my whole life. "I love that idea. Can we get wings?"

He scoffs, like he was planning on it anyways. "Of course."

I lean forward, eager. "What about ham topping?"

"Course!"

This sounds nuts….though maybe not for the kind of person I am but I like to dip my ham pizza in gravy. What? Ham tastes good with gravy! So do chicken wings. "With gravy for dip?"

He furrows his brow but still smiles. "What are you crazy? Can't have ham pizza and wings with no gravy! And the mix up will be good for dinner."

"What's for dinner?"

"Steak with mashed potatoes and gravy. Once we mix in the wings and ham taste it should be pretty nice." He grins.

Where has this dude been my whole life man! This is awesome! "Let's do this!" I grin, only letting go of Carly's hand to give a hyper clap before taking her hand again.

"Yeah!" He laughs, standing. "Dannler call the pizza place!" He shouts over the edge.

"Ham pizza with wings and gravy again?" Dannler calls back. Tanner shoots a glance of embarrassment at us before answering his assistant.

"Alright…let me show you where I work." He claps as Carls and I stand.

* * *

He shows us all his old projects. Paintings that were painted with melted down metals of different colors. Some were cheetahs in motion, some were people with animals.

The first metal tree he ever made. It was small, with winding skeletal limbs and a rickety trunk.

The first car he reassembled sat in a far corner of the room filled with his old projects. Its royal blue skin held a small layer of dust. I think it's a Ford…or was it a Fred…I was bad with cars.

He had things like Spencer's Bottle Bot, only made from other things. I don't think there was any objects here made from bottles as the main idea.

We were led around the ware house and showed objects he had up for sale, good looking things, scary looking things.

…Strange looking things.

He had a giant skull top carved from stone with huge metal plates melted into it. The eye sockets were filled in with stained white glass, the iris of the eyes were blue and the pupils were shrunken to points of black with a white spot in the middle. The effect left you with chills…those wide staring eyes…like a dead giant buried in the sand.

Dannler came in later after we'd seen only half of the work shop with pizza and wings. We sat outside this time. You know…you'd think sitting in a yard full of half-baked works of art and a giant yard of 'junk' sitting just a few several feet away would be kinda…awkward. Or maybe it'd make you feel cheap. But it was actually really nice.

And Carly was smiling and laughing with my dad and his assistant. "So how many people work here with you?" She asks, and I look over, curious to know too.

"Three others. Two lady's into the welding business at college and another boy who is working to get credit for college early." He answers.

I nod, glancing at Carly. "Nice." She giggles, nodding too.

"So, sorry if this is nosy, but I was wondering what you were like back in high school." She knows all the things I want to ask, most likely because that's what she'd ask if she hadn't met her father…or mother.

Tanner laughs, shaking his head as he swallows the bite of food in his mouth. "A bit of a trouble maker. I caused lots of trouble…though somehow passed every class even though I never really went." He looked thoughtful.

"You never went to class and you passed? How'd you manage that?" I laugh.

He shrugs. "I got some notes from other kids and only took the tests. Got Cs and Bs in every class. Got an A+ in gym though." He sighed, smiling fondly with yes turned skyward. "I loved throwing bigger kids over my shoulder. And Dodge Ball was always a favorite."

There was a pause…I was just like him! Besides the grades anyways. "You're huge…you must've been at least a few inches shorter than that in school." I laugh.

He shakes his head, looking at me with a smile. "Nah, I was your height in school."

I grin. "I'm learning so much about myself right now."

That whole trouble making spark, mom had said I got it from my dad…but I had never met him and she was always doing bad stuff…I thought I was copying her. But this whole time I was just acting how my dad did….my troublemaking ways are in my blood! I have an excuse!

He laughs and we make less interesting chatter through the rest of lunch.

Dannler's school life.

What working at a place like this was like.

How many accidents had happened. (A lot…apparently someone lost a limb here once; lucky they didn't sue because it was the guy's fault.)

After we finished he showed some more of his art projects and he even took us into the junk yard and showed us some of the machinery.

You have to be super careful around this stuff…like that guy who lost his arm; one wrong move and you're done.

This was just so cool! My dad had an awesome job that gave him a lot of things…and it was like…mind blowing.

We sat outside to eat dinner, ordered out my Dannler again. It was just about six, the sun was going down fast. Carly sent my mom a text halfway through the end of dinner.

And finally it was time to go. I headed to the front with Carly, but I turned back to Tanner as Dannler started closing down the ware house for the night.

"I had a lot of fun. Me and Carly did I mean."

He nods. "It was great to finally meet you Sam." And now it was only just almost awkward. "I hope you visit again soon."

"I will. Maybe Nathan and Mel will come with me."

"I'd like that. Oh and I'll have those birds sent to Spence, he should be able to set them up, being a sculptor himself and all." Did artists have like a special meeting or something they went to? They all seem to always know each other.

I nod. "Great."

And now the awkward moment set in. I didn't want to say it, because it may hurt him…but I had to make something clear. "Look, I know you're my dad and all…but I don't think I can call you that yet. I mean…,"

He raises a hand. "I get it. Trust me. No pressure or anything and no rush. It's a lot to take in. I understand that more than your mom."

I nod. "Thanks…so I guess I'll just call you Tanner until I can call you that. Or Mr. T." I joke. He laughs, making me laugh.

"Whatever you're comfortable with is fine." He holds out his hand. I shake it. "Firm grip." He compliments.

I smile. "Thanks."

He could hold my hand in his and all you'd see of mine were the fingertips and my wrist. He could crush my hand if he wanted. But his grip is firm and gentle, like he knows how strong he is. How could he not? He bends metal and burns it down with these hands. There are small calluses on his fingertips and his palm.

"Tell your mom I said hi." We let go and I nod.

Carly is already buckled in and waiting patiently. When I strap myself in she takes my hand and mom starts to drive away. She asks how our day went and I look through the back window with Carly as she speaks about it absentmindedly.

He's standing there…the giant metal doors make a loud clanging sound as they slam shut and I see Dannler walk up and stand beside him. They wave, smiling, before turning away and finishing closing up shop.

And even when we turned the corner and Carly sat looking forward again I kept staring out the back window. Like I couldn't bring myself to look away from something that was already gone.

"Dad said Hi mom." I mumble, still staring hard through the window, only now I'm looking more at my reflection as the sky turns gray and starts covering Seattle with cold drops of hard water.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

* * *

When Nathan was born...I never bothered giving him a first birthday. Mel wanted to..but he wouldn't remember any of it so why bother? I gave him some snacks and a little toy car. He was perfectly happy with that.

But now he's older and he's able to remember it. Which is good. I can get him a gift that means something.

Melanie is coming over for the big day. Granted it's just a six year old party...but how many times do you turn six? And don't be smart and say 'Oh when you turn sixty just take off the zero! Hahahaha!' That's something pot heads say. Get a life.

The party was small, a few friends of his, mom, hopefully dad, and Dannler. Carly invited Freddie but we'll see about that one. Gibby and Guppy would be here, maybe a cousin of mine or two. Small...for him anyways.

I made sure Mel was gunna be here a day early so she could meet dad...she was nervous. I'd seen him a few more times in the weeks leading up to Nathan's birthday.

She was gunna meet him with Carly. I was to busy with getting the last touches on Nathan's birthday stuff. The cake, food, presents, the set up...planning a party is hard man.

* * *

I sat watching TV up in the studio with Nathan, I'd had to make him cover his eyes without being obvious as to why, Carly and Mal came in. "Hey." I let my head fall back and Carly was smiling down at me. She knealt down and gave me a small kiss. I couldn't help my grin.

Mel rolled her eyes. "Hi Nathan." She greeted him. He jumped up and hopped over and she lifted him up. "Ready for your birthday?" He nods, his hair is getting longer again. God his hair grows fast.

"How was meeting him for the first time?" I asked as Carly sits beside me on the beanbag, almost on my lap. Mel sits in Nathan's open seat and he leans forward to watch the TV.

Mel sighed, she was way to different. But then again we were almost the same. But where she dressed to kill, I dressed to be comfortable. Which meant if Carly would let me I'd dress myself in ripped jeans and shirts with giant holes in the side just to be comfy. Of course I'd never let Nathe dress that way, and Carls never lets me dress that way...so it's all even.

"I was nervous. But he's really nice. Now I know why I'm not like you." She teased, I shot her a glare. But she had a point didn't she?

"Did you finish it?" Carly whispers to me. I nod and she leaves it alone, letting her head fall onto my shoulder. The rest of Rocket Raiders is spent in silence, or almost anyways. Nathan cheered when the team beat a bad guy. This show was a much better version of that over acted show...what was it...something Rangers. God they suck at acting. Soooo hard.

* * *

I never understood being happy about a birthday. It's supposed to celebrate the day you came into the world but...it's honestly just celebrating your entrance to the dirt. That why I don't really like to celebrate my birthday. Sure it's great to get some cake and a gift...but a big bash? Forget about it.

But this was Nathan...my baby brother.

I sat with him on my lap in one of those silly party hats we let him pick out last week. Carly, Spence, Gibby, and Guppy were to my left. Mel, dad, and Dannler were to my right. Mom was off (trying to stand as far from dad as possible) near my left with the camera. Freddie didn't show...I wasn't surprised. But Carly was hurt, I could see it on her face. Some of Nathan's friends he'd made at the park were here with their parents.

We were singing 'Happy Birthday' and when we finished the birthday boy laughed, leaned forward and blew out the small flame on the large wax white six on his cake. We clapped and mom took a picture.

And then the kids were sitting out watching TV and eating cake before we opened presents. We already passed all the games. This party was pretty sweet for a six year old. None of the lame clowns or pin-the-tail games. Nope. I'd gotten darts and card games for the adults and the little brats (besides Nathan) took turns trying to set records on the video games I'd set up.

So now it was just to open presents and let them play a bit more and then they'd have to get out. It's getting late after all. I have a schedule Nathan needs to keep.

I sat next to Carly at the island watching everybody else laugh and joke around. I spotted my mom...dad was trying to talk to her but I guess she was still trying to prove something because she seemed stiff and like she was trying to move away without making a scene.

"I don't understand mom." Mel mumbled. She sat to Carls' left, across from Gibby.

"I don't either." I shrugged.

Carly took my hand and gave it a squeeze, I smiled. "Hey, how come Freddie isn't here?" Gibby asks curiously.

Mel and the small boy both look at Carls and I for an answer.

"He's upset right now." She answers calmly with a smile. I can see it though...she flinches a little. She's lying. Because Freddie isn't upset, he's pissed, and not with Carly but with me. It's my fault. How do you go about making stuff like this right?

"Why?" Gibby makes a face.

Carly shakes her head, eyes turning down. "Just an argument."

I'm not gunna let her do this. "Benson is upset because of me." I lean forward. "He's enjoying being a brat right now." He was wasn't he? I tried to make it better but...he just wouldn't give me the chance. And maybe the only chance I really did have had already passed.

...That's just Sam Puckett's luck isn't it?

* * *

Mel left with Mom. Gibby and Guppy left with their mom. And all of Nathan's other friends went home with theirs. Nathan was up in Carly's bed in his night clothes already asleep.

"Cool party Sam. Never been to a kid's party that was actually cool." Dannler chuckled as he walked by me and Carly.

Tanner stood their for a second with a smile. "I've never been to a kid's party at all. Let alone one of mine." I smiled, ignoring the twinge of pain.

"Melanie and I are next." I shrugged. That was a really dumb thing to say. ...I blame the blonde gene!

He chuckled. "I plan to be there. Sleep tight kiddo." He ruffled my hair gently as he walked by. It made me laugh. I'd always seen father's do that with their kids. It was nice. He waved as he disapeared around the corner with Dannler.

"Your dad is cool." Spencer spoke from the kitchen.

"Thanks Spence." I laughed, he nodded. It was weird when he was normal.

Carly wasn't in her room when I went to check. But Nathan was sound asleep. His hair was messy and his cheek was mushed a little so his lips stuck out like a fish. I tried not laugh as I closed the door and left him alone.

I found her in the iCarly studio. "What's up Cupcake?" She was sitting and watching the TV. She glanced back at me and gave me a small smile before looking back at the screen. Something was up.

"Nothin. Just...enjoying that we don't always have a full house." She gives a small laugh and I sit next to her on the floor. She smiles more when I take her hand. I don't have to ask. I know she'll say something when she's ready to. She tugs my hand and I lean forward and her lips meet mine. Several times.

"What's wrong?" I whisper as she nuzzles my cheek and her foreheads rests against mine.

"He's still mad. He won't even look at us anymore. What do we do?" She asks softly, eyes down.

This was all down to me. I had to do something...it's wrong to make Carly tear herself up over Benson. He's still just a kid. "You don't do anything. I'll worry about Fred-dork."

"Sam..."

"No, Carly...he won't listen to you. He'll act like he is but he won't be. All he's gunna hear is every other word you say." He's like me almost in that way. He's upset and lost and sad. When he and Cupcake hooked up for that short time...I felt the exact same way. I remember hearing only every few words because I was just so angry. "I'll talk to him." He was to scared of me to pretend not to listen.

"But Sam..."

"No buts." I tugged her arm carefully and she slips over on the floor next to me. "Let me worry about these things." I gave her a small kiss, my right hand slid over her hip and my fingers tighten only just. She flinches, but not in pain.

"Sam," she mumbles and I kiss her again, stringing it along. She lets me push her down and I move between her legs and they slip around my waist. "Sam..." I let the small kisses drop from her lips to her throat. "Sam..." I feel her fingers dig into my shirt and her nails only just scrape my skin. Her legs loosen to give me enough room to move down as I push her shirt up. "Sam," I leave little kisses and careful nips down her belly.

I plant a kiss on her bellybutton before relaxing and letting my cheek rest on her skin. "I'll deal with it." I mumbled. I feel her fingers in my hair and then I'm suddenly sleepy. I can't remember what time it is. I like feeling like this when I'm with Carly. It's like I'm helpless but in a good way and totally safe. I don't get to feel like this all that much so when I get the chance it's amazing.

"Okay." She answers. I feel her fingers trace the shell of my ear before I finally fall asleep.

* * *

When I woke up and went to check if anybody else was up (I woke up without Carly nearby) I found Carly and Spencer in the kitchen with Nathan on Carly's lap chewing on some dry cereal. "Hey where's Kyler been?" I ask curiously as I walk over to Carly and let my chin rest on her shoulder. I remember Carly saying something about him having to go to a tech support shop...or something nerdy like that.

Carly repeated the same answer I'd heard. I nodded. She lifted her glass of orange juice to me and I took a sip. Haha, no hands! I stood straight and ruffled Nathan's hair, he laughed and rubbed his head so it was almost back in place.

I headed for the door, yeah I was still dressed in my clothes from last night, but did I care? Remind yourselves here that I'm Sam Puckett. I hear Carly call me but I ignore her because I know that even though she agreed to let me talk to Benson she's still worried about what might go down. I make sure the door clicks shut behind me and take the two steps over the floor and raise a hand, tapping my knuckles on the polished wooden door.

It opened a moment later and there was Freddie. He look miserable. "Oh...you." He didn't glare, it looked like he'd lost his ability to let any emotion show. Hoplessness is the worst feeling anyone can ever have.

"This has to stop Freddie." I had to fix this now. Carly had to be able to smile like she did before.

He blinked.

"Don't try and act dumb...and don't get pissy with me, I'm here for Carly."

"Oh yeah?"

"She's upset. Come on...you're her best friend, she doesn't want anything to come between you." I was telling the truth, but from the look on his face...I'd always be 'Sam' he'd never think I was telling the truth.

"...That used to be you."

I shook my head. "That used to be both of us. Things change, okay? Carly's happy with me and you might not accept it, but if you love Carly the way I do...you'll respect it. She does love you Freddie."

"But not the way she loves you. You've always come first...always." He was starting to feel. He sighed. "I'd always known she loved you. I just figured I had more of a chance than you. But thinking about it...I guess I never did have a chance. She always calls you first when she's in trouble." His head hung and his shoulders slumped.

That was true wasn't it? When she was stuck in that closet she didn't call Spencer. When she's pushed to far she looks to me first. When something goes wrong I'm always the first to hear about it. When she was chased by that psycho I was the only one she called on. It always has been me. First and last line of defense.

"We both love Carly." I state, nothing was ever more obvious. Freddie nods, looking up at me, shoulders still slumped. "More than anything." In _that_ way. He nods again. "Either way it goes...we should both just do our best to make her happy."

"...She didn't ask you to do this did she?" He seemed to be on the edge of maybe this was just playing dirty or I was actually being 'Samantha Puckett'.

I shook my head. "She was gunna come over here and talk to you. But I wouldn't let her...I figured it would only make her feel worse if you ended up still mad."

"I'm not mad." He started. "Well...yeah a little. But I'm just...disapointed I guess."

There had to be something I could do to fix this. "What do you want me to do?"

He paused. "Go get Carly please." I nod, turning and heading back Carly's place. I wave her over. She was on the couch watching TV with Nathan and Spencer. She stands and comes over, curious.

"Freddie wants to talk to you." I mumble. She slips by me and I close the door again.

Freddie crosses his arms and looked away and then back at Carly. "Hi." He muttered.

"Hi." She muttered back.

Freddie looks at me and I just blink. He should know I'd never leave Carly alone in a place I don't think is safe. I'm not sure what he'll pull and that makes me nervous, it must make her nervous to because she doesn't move any closer to him, she's leaning towards me.

"What did you want to say?" She asks softly.

He takes a breathe. "I get that you're with Sam. I get it. And I guess I kind of get why." He shrugs.

"So why are you mad?"

He looks a little desperate now. "I'm not...well yeah I am a little mad but just a little. I'm more disapointed than anything."

Carly doesn't say anything...what is she supposed to say to that.

"I just...I always thought you'd pick me in the end. Even though there was some part of me that knew you wouldn't."

She sighed, shuffling her feet. Again, she's not sure what to say or how to say what she wants to say. "What do you want from me Freddie?" She still wants him to be around.

He steps forward, uncrossing his arms and he looks hurt when Carly flinches back towards me a little. It shouldn't bug him so much. She's been doing things like this for years. Moving back towards me when she's afraid, it's a habit at this point. "I need something...some chance that you and I will be together. Anything."

Carly looks back at me. I shrug, not sure what she needs from me. She looks back at Freddie. "Okay," she stops to think for a moment. "In some alternate reality where Sam and I haven't met yet or may never meet and you're a little more laid-back and I'm not totally in love with the idea of finding someone like Sam...then...maybe..." It's an honest answer, and it'll never happen, but it's all of herself she can offer besides friendship.

He nods, smiling only a little. "Thanks."

She nods. It's to strange to offer a hug right now. "You'll be there for the next iCarly?"

"Of course. I'll see you two at school." He waves a little and ducks back into his apartment.

Carly turns and looks at me. I smile and offer a hand. She takes it and I pull her into a hug. "Desperate for some Sam huh?" I tease, because I know she feels bad right now. She's guilty that she makes Freddie feel the way he does and that she can't love him back. And I understand that.

"Always." She laughs a little.

It's not perfect right now, but it's enough to get us by. Everything is almost back to normal. "Wanna go to bed?" I ask.

"Can we snuggle?"

I chuckle. "Sure."

"And some kisses?"

I laugh. "It's possible."

She moves away and gives me that sweet smile. "Good." She takes my hand and we go back inside. I feel way better. Being a goody-two-shoes is okay sometimes...even though the idea of me always being like that with people makes me wanna puke.

Sam is Sam after all.


	12. Chapter 12

**And another chapter! I tried to post it before iOMG...but it didn't happen. My Cam heart broke last night...anyways I'm gunna be taking a break from this story. My xxxHOLiC fic is almost done and I wanna finish it because I have a new Bleach fanfic I'm working on too. And an Evangelion one shot for my deviant. I know...lot of writing...but I have a goal to write well over 100 fics as soon as possible. And my book...man...**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

* * *

How old is a person before they usually hit a rut? Can it happen at any age after you understand what feelings mean? Or is it just older people?

I wonder what makes it happen. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place…only I'm not. It feels like I have a million things to do…only I don't.

There's nothing happening, nobody's dead, my grades haven't dropped more than usual, my friends are still my friends, I'm still Sam and I'm still with Carly.

I feel like I'm being torn between a ton of different things, but I'm not. Does that make sense? I asked my mom…she had no clue. I asked my dad…he said he'd always been able to pull himself out of a rut with his work. I didn't have work. I had school, Nathan, and Carly. That was my whole galaxy, with the outside webs of my galaxy reaching to the planets that made planet Spencer, Kyler, Freddie, Mel, mom, my dad, and even Dannler.

So I asked the only person I knew would actually take the time to sit and talk to me.

"Hey Spence?" I asked as I walked into the Shay apartment. Nathe was staying with dad for the week.

He looked up at me from his newest work of art. "What's up Sam?" He smiled, then frowned. "You don't need money do you?"

"No."

He smiled again. "Then what is up?"

"What do you do when you're in a rut?"

He frowned. "You're in a rut?" I nod and he looks thoughtful. "Normally I just do some work on my art. But you being you…you need to do something that you like but maybe kinda new." He makes hand motions and I can feel my face twist into confusion.

"Alright." He motions me to the couch and we sit. "Why are you in a rut? What's going on?"

I shrug, not sure how to explain it. "Nothing. Everything seems fine. But I feel like I have to do a ton of things."

"Do you?"

I shake my head. This is where it got hard to explain. "There's nothing I have to do…I just feel pressured and there's no pressure."

Spencer thinks it over. "Well…in my professional,"

"You're not."

"_In_…my _almost_ professional,"

"Not even almost."

"In my _profession_…I'd have to say…because you're so used to having so many things to do you're kinda freakin out cause you have it easy now."

That made sense.

"You really usually have a lot of stuff to do?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Wow…you always seemed a little too lazy and carefree."

I blinked. "Thanks Spence."

"You're welcome kiddo." He smiles, missing my sarcasm by a mile and goes back to his work. I roll my eyes and walk into the kitchen. Yum, they have ribs…I snag some and drop them on a plate I snatched from the dish rack.

"Aw man…" I frowned when some of the sauce got on my shirt. "Just perfect." I huff, finally heading upstairs.

* * *

Carly is in her room. She writing something…she must be getting stuff ready for the next episode. "Hey Cupcake, what goes on?"

"Working on the next episode."

"That's my little worker bee." I smile, she always was dedicated. "Hey do you have a shirt I can borrow?" I set down the ribs on one of her dressers and lick my fingers clean.

"Yeah, one sec." She sets down her pear pad and stands. I miss her getting the shirt because I'm pulling mine over my head.

The problem with having long hair like mine…it sometimes becomes a bit more than a problem. I shake my head and push my mop of hair back. It was a pain in the ass sometimes but I love my hair to much to chop it off. Part of the reason it's this long is because Carly encouraged it.

I dropped the stained shirt and looked up. Carly was staring. "What'd I do now? Did the school call? They can't prove anything!"

She giggles. "The school didn't call…wait…what did you do?"

"Nothing." I answer quickly. "Shirt?"

She keeps staring…I blink. "What is it Cupcake?"

She grins, her cheeks paint pink. "You're all muscular and stuff." I wasn't muscular in a guy way, obviously. That'd be gross…ugh. But my abs were taking shape (not like people who work out super hard…like you can see them but they aren't too much), they always had I guess. My arms were, not visibly, but just as strong as any guys.

Hearing her say that, even though she's said it before, made me feel kinda…I dunno…cocky. Before it was as a friend. Now she's my girlfriend. It means something totally different now.

I nod. "I work out." Shrugging, making her giggle when I flex my arms to actually look at the muscles for the first time. I never paid that much attention to it. "Hey, I guess I do." I grinned when I saw the wires of muscle tighten under the skin. I had muscles like my dad…steel band. But for girls.

She blushed, moving closer with the shirt held tightly in her left hand. "I've never seen you work out."

"I'm naturally fit." I brag, teasing as she presses her hands into my abdomen and I move back to the bed. The backs of my knees hit the edge and I sat. She sat on my lap, the shirt was forgotten.

Some things were just…automatic. I just couldn't control some of the things my body did. So when Carly's arms slid around my shoulders my arms automatically slithered around her waist. It was kinda built in.

Not that I was complaining.

"You remember that trip to Japan?"

"Course, first and most likely last time I'll ever sky dive in my short life. Why, what about it?"

"Nuthin…I was just thinking it was kinda romantic."

I blinked. "Sky diving?" I'm blonde…shut up.

She giggles. "No silly, being in Japan. Sleeping together and stuff."

"We've slept in the same bed tons of times before that babe."

"Yeah but not in another country."

"You're such a romantic. You must have read into everything two levels to deep." I was teasing her about it, but only because that's what I'd done. Everything she did…my hormone addled brain induced all these ideas of what it could possibly mean.

Teenage hormones are a bitch man.

She just smiles, kisses me, and I fall back on the bed when she presses her weight more onto me.

* * *

_Carly is the almost master of arguments. But me being me I always need to state my point in the most obvious, if not most silly, of clever ways._

_She even seemed to know exactly what a person was thinking. It was a talent I only possessed with my baby brother. And with Carls because we're best friends…but I didn't have very good talents like her._

_She gives me that smile that always makes me melt as she calls to me in that special Carly teasing voice. "You know legs are gunna beat pudding."_

_I smirk. "Don't bet on that cupcake." And I think she blushes but I'm not sure. "Want a snack?"_

_"I'm good, thanks."_

_"Can you pass me an apple?" He must have misheard me…I asked Carly if she wanted a snack. I could care less if he never eats again. But this is a chance to be so…'Sam'._

_"The red one or the green one?" Yes I'm aware how that sounds, bug off. _

_"Red, the green ones are always," he starts to tell Carly something as uninteresting as ever but he never gets the chance to finish. I whipped the apple and it caught him full in the face. His head snapped back and he fell to the floor with a groan._

_I smirk again and glance at Carly. She's giving me that look, 'You should know better' kinda look. I wink and she giggles. _

_"God, why are you always so violent?" He hisses at me as he finally gets to his feet._

_"I'm me." I answer simply._

_He starts to say something but Carly cuts him off, saying he should have asked for a muffin, he looks at her…probably wondering why she let me get away with that._

_"Bring up the votes."_

_He rubs his forehead again. "Fine, give me a second."_

_"Legs beat pudding by about twenty percent." He smirks._

_I shrug. "At least some people know the value of pudding." I take a spoonful to my mouth and savor the chocolate. "Yum." I grin._

_Carly laughs and Freddie just rolls his eyes._

_I wasn't sure what happened next, I was only aware that we were going overseas and getting an award for the show. I didn't really care all that much, sure I was happy and all…but it's a show…as long as I still have Carly…what's it matter?_

_But Carly is excited…so I'm excited._

_Freddie being Freddie always has to rub when I'm wrong in my face several times. "More people are still voting for legs."_

_"Legs are great and all, but you can't do this with 'em." I flung a glob of my pudding into his eye. "Of course if I tried to do that with legs more than your pride would be hurt."_

_Carly's trying not to laugh, and that makes me laugh._

* * *

_"So you're sure it's cool that Nathan and I stay here till dinner?" I ask, holding my little brother in my arms. He's only two…he doesn't need mom drama. _

_"Totally." She turns to me once we're in the lobby of her building. She rubs his head; he looks up at her and smiles, making her smile wider. "You sure you don't wanna be at home with your mom?"_

_"Yeah I'm sure, why?"_

_"Because she's in bed with pneumonia."_

_"Do I look like a doctor?" I ask sarcastically. "Besides I couldn't find a sitter for Nathe and at his age he can catch anything." I called a doctor for her before I left. She may be a dead beat but we still need a roof over our heads._

_I hold back my laughter as Carls talks to that grubby doorman. How he still functions in the work world _legally_…I'll never know._

_She mocks his insane screaming groans and I do the same. Nathan laughs, rubbing his head. I swear that's becoming a habit._

_"I think Freddie is a stalker." I state almost randomly as we head to her place. We stop in the space next to either door._

_"Why do you say that?"_

_I readjust Nathan before setting him down. He takes the two steps and stands next to Carly. "Because he watches you through his peep hole to see if you're here or not."_

_She laughs. "He grew out of that."_

_"Yeah I bet." I stand next to the door, raise a fist, and bang it down next to the eye hole. There's a groan of pain. "Told ya."_

_I hoist Nathan up again and he looks back at Carly. "Hi." He mumbles. She smiles at him, repeating his greeting._

_Freddie, like an idiot…decides that instead of moving away from the door and hiding in his room…he'll further embarrass himself by actually showing his face. And they call him smart._

_"Why is it dark in here?" I ask, looking around the barely lit condo. _

_"Because!" Spencer…of course. And then there's a light in our faces and I cover Nathan's eyes and squeeze mine shut._

_Behind the dark lids of my eyes I see the light turn even and I blink out the blind spots of blue and red._

_I shake my head and basically ignore most of the conversation. Sitting my brother on the couch and flipping on cartoons._

_Then Fredward's mom is here and she has a box. Carly is excited and then I'm listening again. I lean forward as she drops the box on the counter in front of me and pulls out the papers._

_"Where are we going?" I ask curiously._

_She frowns. "Canada."_

_My sunny disposition drops like a rock in water. "Canada? Are we worth so little?" We could go to Canada any freakin day!_

_She grins. "Kidding, we're going to Tokyo, Japan!"_

_I shout in excitement. Going to Japan was actually on my Bucket List. I know I know, to young? Not really…in a world full of sad accidents and funny coincidences no age is too young to start one._

_I relish in the fact that she hugs me first…that I'm always first._

_And then Freddie's mom has to be Freddie's mom and ruin the happy moment. I can see why her husband left. Who wants to be surrounded by that box of crazy 24/7?_

_Man…I didn't want to fly coach! I'm Sam Puckett…you know how long I've waited to fly first class? "Can't you just…trade the others and I'll take my ticket to first class? Don't kids fly free?"_

_"Sam." Carly gives me that look. I sigh and let up. "We'll get you some pudding from Japan."_

_"Yay…do they have fat cakes there?"_

_"I'm sure they have something like it."_

_"Yay!" I cheered, pumping a fist into the air. She pokes my belly, making me laugh. And I laugh harder as Mrs. Benson pulls Freddie out of the apartment. I don't think she knows just how much she humiliates him._

_I'd say poor Fred-dork but…I don't care._

* * *

_We watched the videos we'd have to compete with. Those Japanese kids are funny._

_"Even if we win or lose it's still great that we got nominated, and that we're getting a free trip to Japan." Carly reasons._

_Freddie agrees automatically. I don't._

_"Whoa, whoa, whoa…no loser talk!" I call, point at her. Nathan's sitting in the beanbag chair Freddie was sitting in, till I literally kicked him out of it._

_"But Sam," she tries. _

_I stand. "No way Cupcake, I'm not gunna let you psych yourself up to loose on this one." I take those steps to close the distance. "When Miss. Briggs told you that you couldn't pick the kids for the talent show did you give up?"_

_She shakes her head. "No." She sounds like she wants to smile but she's still unsure._

_"Remember the time those cops were chasing me and screaming at me to stop running?" She nods. "What did I do?"_

_"You kept running." She's smiling a little, so my next lines will make her feel better, I know it._

_"And Freddie," I turn to the geek. "You've never stopped praying that Carly might fall in love with you right?"_

_He looks shocked, nervous, happy, hopeful and something else I can't describe. "No."_

_"Well you should, but that's beside the point." I can hear her giggle a little. "Anyways!" I turn as he gives me a look that tells me I'm so me. "We're gunna beat these guys and win that award!"_

_"Yeah!" I turn to Nathan, he's grinning, little baby teeth showing._

_"See, even Nathe thinks we can do this. Come on Carly…you know we can." I look at her carefully. And she gives me this look, like she knows I'm trying to help her because I love her so much. Like I said, she's always had that ability to just know._

_"You're right." She nods, smiling. "We'll just come up with the funniest iCarly bit ever. Which is where you fantastic little pranky mind comes in handy." She presses a finger to my temple, making me scoff with laughter._

* * *

_We came up with a dumb cheerleader bit. Well…I came up with the space idea…her idea was just the cheerleaders basically._

_I didn't love the fact that in the bit she was using my sister's name…it was weird. When I said Melanie I always pictured me._

_I enjoyed the fact that while she was hitting my back with that foam bat thing I was able to hit her in a much lower place. Now if only I could get my hand there and instead of hitting…yeah I think you get the idea._

_I hated being dressed in these cheerleader clothes…I was to not girly for this. Nathan was downstairs…I wasn't gunna let him get a jolly at picking on his big sister._

_Cause trust me, he would._

_Looking down at my shoes I glance at Carly. She's got a nice body for a kid our age, but once we get older, the way she's toned now…she's gunna fill out nicely. Something I'm sure I'll love even more when we're dating._

_She doesn't know it yet but its gunna happen._

* * *

_We were finally all packed and ready to go. I didn't trust mom enough to look after Nathan while I was away. And I'm sure if she had a sudden turn around I'd feel the same way. _

_Once you start a bad habit and you get better…isn't it always so easy going back into the same bad habits?_

_Of course it is. One of the reasons I'm so me._

* * *

_I blinked, looking around, holding Nathan closer. "You made us fork over…three first class tickets…and even a chance at coach…for this?" I ask Spencer with a glare._

_He wasn't sure what to say. Because I'm sure now it seemed quite stupid._

_Then when we were told there was no bathroom and we had to use buckets…we all glared at Spencer, he looked away with a face that said he knew he made a mistake._

_Next thing I know Nathan is strapped to my chest and there's a parachute on my back. "This sucks so hard!" I screamed. Nathan had those things that look like headphones to protect his ears from the noise. Or maybe they are headphones…_

_Sky diving was on my Bucket List to…but not like this…not from a cargo plane with a time limit. Maybe on a cruise with Carls and we'd land in the shallows of the ocean…alright…little to mushy, even for me. But still, I'd so do that with her._

_This was nuts. Nathan seemed excited. I sure as hell wasn't. _

_"Hold my hand?" Carly asks; I glance at her. She's as scared as I am. I hold up my open palm and she takes it, squeezing my hand so tight I feel my bones mush over each other._

_"Just scream, okay?" I'm too tough to scream…kinda. I know she's freaking out…so if I freak out too it'll only make it twice as bad. This kinda thing takes a leap yunno? A leap of faith._

_And jumping out of a cargo plane full of possum holding the hand of the girl I can never hope to get over with my little brother strapped to my chest…it's the biggest leap of faith I'll ever hope to do. It was my way of showing I was totally committed, to Carly and what I'll go through to see her happy._

_So we leapt. Clutching each other's hands so hard the bones could break._

* * *

_I actually landed on my feet…for a second before I fell on my knees. Nathan was laughing so hard he was crying. I guess he likes this kinda thing._

_"Again, again!" He shouted once his ear covers were off and he got his feet on the ground. His small sneakers making small clouds of dust plume up._

_"Maybe some other time kiddo." I laugh. That was actually kind of a rush…but I'd never do it again unless it was just Carly and me the way I wanted it to go down._

_"This is insane." Carly's smiling. It makes me smile._

* * *

_When we get to the hotel (because a cop found us…lucky right?) I hold up the handcuffs, smirking at Carly. Oh yeah…I'd so use these. And I'm totally keeping 'em._

_God…something is wrong with me! Or maybe it's the schools…they think kids don't know jack about shit. Oh I know all the motions._

_Carly gives me another look... that same look like she knows what I'm thinking and she returns my smirk. I think her cheeks are a little flushed. Course that could just be because we jumped from a plane._

_She goes to check us in and of course Freddie follows her. I tuck the cuffs away and take a seat at a table. Nathan stands next to me, head resting on my knee. Now he's tired._

_I snicker when I see Carly smack Freddie, not sure why she did it…but hey…maybe she's coming around to my way of thinking. Violence is the answer._

_Like when that stuffy French guy moves her out of the way. Nobody puts their hand on my girl in any kinda way unless it's me. …or unless she's dating some guy…shit._

_She motions at me to sit still when I get ready to stand. She pulls the puppet off his hand and whips it across the hotel. Oh yeah…that's _my_ girl._

_We're all set and when we head for the elevator…stairs…whatever they have, the clerk calls to us to have a happy honeymoon. I chuckle and link arms with Carly who blushes. Nathan blinks up at me in confusion._

_I shake my head._

* * *

_Sleeping with Carly was always awesome. To me it was anyways. We always slept closer than needed._

_My arm was under the covers around her waist. I was pulled out of sleep when I heard a knock and I tried to wake Carly up but I was too tired and so was she._

_…Until we found out it was three PM._

_Man what a day._

* * *

"We weren't even dating then…I'm amazed you found that romantic."

She laughs, snuggling into me under the covers. No we didn't do anything; we haven't gotten that far yet. I'll wait as long as she wants me to. Cause she's worth is and you know all the other mushy junk other people say at this point.

I have no need to move forward right now; maybe that's why I'm in a rut. I've been waiting since I met Carly to get to this point…and now that I'm here…I don't know how fast or slow is too much of either. So I guess it's up to Carly to set the pace.

…Being in a rut sucks.


	13. Chapter 13

**Another chapter! Finally! This will be my main focus for a while. I'm planning on doing a Cam version oneshot of iSaved Your Life...but my Bleach story isn't very serious...and I'm honestly thinking of just giving up my Wicked fanfic...my ideas aren't solid enough. One more chapter for my xxxHOLiC fanfic! And I am making a party friendship vid for iCarly so that should be up...in about two weeks actually cause the song I really wanna use is at home on a CD and I'm stuck in my dorm! Anyways!**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

* * *

Monkey see, monkey do...

* * *

You always hurt the ones you love. That's always been true for both Fred-dork and me. One way or another we always end up hurting Carly and she always ends up forgiving us.

Especially me. At the end of the day…even after a huge fight…we usually always make up. And even though she says sorry too and I make it seem like her fault…I know the trouble usually started cause of my big mouth.

But that word puke fest is hard to stop once it starts. Even these days, with her at my side and me and Freddie kind of getting along.

Its quiet moments like these I use to reflect on all my horrible yet lucky moments that lead me here.

Like that day I quit iCarly…after that argument…I felt so ill.

* * *

_I walked into the Shay's place like I always did; like a member of the family. Which I would be…someday. They just didn't know it yet._

_"Hey…" I greeted as I dropped my vest onto the armchair. _

_"Hey." She snags me a drink. "So how'd it go with Fleck?" She makes it sound like I was on a date. As if ever!_

_I shrug. "Not that great. Dave?"_

_She almost rolls her eyes. "Not that great." She copycats. _

_I shrug. "I dunno how we're gunna fix those guys. Or where I'm gunna find the time to help; I can't leave Nathan with the neighbors all the time." They actually agreed to home school him for a few years if I paid a few extra bucks. But I told them no way._

_Not because I'm cheap! …Well yeah that too. But because I teach Nathe just fine on my own…I taught him almost all the colors of the rainbow when he was two…he could count to twenty now…he knew all his ABCs before anybody in preschool (if he went to one). So of course I turned them down. And I'll have you know I'm currently teaching him math. _

_Not going to well so far…but he'll get there._

_Someday…_

_"Yeah, what I don't get is how they made videos for so long. All they seem to do is argue."_

_I nodded. "Sounds like he was a nightmare to work with." _

_"Horrible." She answered…and then we were both confused._

_We stumbled and stuttered over each-others words. "Who are you talkin about?" I asked first._

_"Fleck." Oh no, no Cupcake…no way._

_I shook my head and raised a hand. "No way! Fleck is the cool one! He gets spontaneous creativity. Dave is all…oh I'm Mr. Responsible."_

_She gave me that look…that disappointed look. I hated that look…it made me feel like shit. "So you think all the planning Dave does so the show can actually happen…means nothing?"_

_I shrug, her long sentence not sorting properly into my blonde memory banks just yet. I'm still reeling from that disappointed look. I've said something wrong. "Not as important as what happens on camera." _

_As soon as those words left my mouth I would have given anything to take them back. She looks hurt…but then again…something in her eyes is telling me that this is so_…me!

_"Of course you'd say that. And of course you'd feel that way." She says it to hurt and it does…it cut somewhere deep._

_And as much as I want to stop and say I'm so sorry before this gets any worse…the word puke fest starts and I'm spiraling out of my own control._

_…Just like mom._

_"A point you're trying to make here?" I blink and she's rolling her eyes, I shake my head and she's scoffing at me telling me with sarcasm soaking her voice that of course she's not._

_And I'm spiraling even more. "Oh…you missed it with your sleeve but ya got some sarcasm on your lip there." I snap, feeling my lips pull up and my eyes threaten to roll._

_She glares at me and still all I want to say is that I'm sorry and to forget this ever happened…but I'm lost. My mouth is totally out of whack and my vocals are firing like bullets. "I can understand how Dave gets frustrated." She sneers._

_"And there it is! You agree with Dave cause you're the same person!" Shut up you stupid blonde! I'm screaming at myself to just shut my big mouth before I end up losing Carly forever…and if I keep this up I might…I'm so…ugh!_

_She looks wounded…I wish she'd just hit me. But she won't. And even when she does she flinches away and barely taps me. "It'd be nice if you'd appreciate the work I put in so iCarly happens." She explains, trying to keep calm._

_I hate this…being just like my mom. Saying things I know will sink in and sting and burn like sea salt in a fresh cut. "You want _more_ appreciated from me?" I scoff out the words. "You already named the show after yourself." _

_…There it is. The deepest and darkest part of Sam Puckett. To be honest I could give fuck less about what the show is called, I did it so I could be with Carly…I just wanted what I said to hurt._

_No not me…Sam did. Samantha wanted no part of this. I was torn in two…like useless paper._

_She's hurt, deep, and I just want to curl up and vanish into thin air. "Well if you don't like that…then we'll call it iSam…after the girl who hardly ever shows up for rehearsals, is late almost every show, and always gets in trouble because she loves teaching people how far you can get in life living the way she do. Behind bars." _

_That…really hurt. When she cut, she cut to kill. But she was right, she always had been. It was never in Carly Shay's line of work to lie about anything to anyone…except to save my butt._

_I eyed her up and felt my mouth twist into a frown. My word puke fest is over…but it doesn't matter. I can't fix this…there are no words I can say besides I'm sorry right now and she'll always deserve more than that._

_So…I say, "Anything else you want to vent?"_

_She sighs, regretful at her jibes at me. But she can't say sorry either…she knows that me being so me…I'll shrug it off and go. I would have to after this either way. "You said plenty too."_

_Carly may act spoiled and bratty sometimes, but it's not that she is…it's that she's so used to doing good things and getting what she wants from that. When she acts bratty it's usually out of shock…and because of me most often. But right now this isn't the case…_

_Well…it is…because I've shocked her into acting bratty and snobby. She's not used to me saying things to hurt. Neither am I actually._

_"If you meant all that…then we may as well not even be friends." Shit! You stupid…stupid blonde! Take it back! Take it back! And right before I can, she agrees with me._

_I could hear my heart crack even more. There were little sounds of the webs spindling through it…but now…it was broken. _

_I can't fix this._

_"…Okay then."_

_I have to go get Nathan…I grab my vest and open the door, glancing back with what must look like a glare…but it's not…I was looking for a chance or an opening to say something, anything. But she just stared with a blank face and I left._

_I surprised myself when I didn't slam the door. Sometimes when you're in a fight and you feel so much…you want to scream. You want to shout and get loud and slam things. You want to hear those noises because it's typical for venting your frustration. But I wasn't frustrated…just sad._

_I love you Carly. Even though I'm a total nub at showing it._

* * *

_"Thanks for watching him." I smack on a fake smile as I pick up Nathan and pay the sitter._

_He looks at me funny when I pick him up. "S'mattah?" He slurs._

_I smile, shaking my head. "Nothing to worry about kiddo."_

_He doesn't seem convinced…he's always been too smart for his age. I make us some soup and afterwards Nathan gets his bath._

_Before I go to sleep I think about what happened only hours ago…if that. That look on her face, the look that must have been on mine. _

_Nathan is already asleep and the door is locked tight. I roll over to face my window and curl in on myself. I can feel the sting in my eyes as the salty tears come up._

_"So stupid…so stupid…" I mumbled to myself. But no, it wasn't that it was so stupid because that had never been the case._

_"It's so _Sam_." I sneer to myself before falling asleep fitfully._

* * *

_The next day I meet up with Fleck, Nathan clinging to me and shying away from the older boy. We go to the Groovy Smoothie…Carly is there._

_There's so much I wanna say…but because I'm so me…I always make things worse._

_I spotted her before we walk in, but I don't stop my story. Nathan has his ears covered…ear muffs…they work with kids. "Yeah, so I have his arm behind him and I keep bending it. I swear he had rubber joints cause it just wouldn't snap."_

_I catch that look from the corner of my eye. That disappointed and disgusted look. It makes me stop and look around. "Oh…what are you doing here?"_

_She glares at me. "Private meeting. Shoo fly." She waves her hand. I feel even more hurt than yesterday._

_"Whatever, me an Fleck are having a private meeting too." I had to say something, but I was never good at being mean to Carly on purpose._

_Carly offers a sickeningly sweet smile. "That's lovely." Freddie looks torn._

_I scoff and turn away, my hair flipping back over my shoulders as I take the table farthest from them and set Nathan down. He takes his hands off his ears and looks up at me. That same look from the other night. He's too young to have that look._

_I try to go about the video idea when I hear, "Sam's the one who should apologize!" I know I should…but right now I'm too proud to do that._

_"She thinks you should say sorry." Fleck copies…that's kinda annoying. Thanks Captain Obvious._

_I scoff and glare over at her. "I'll apologize when T-Bo is graduating from medical school." He makes some smart comment but I don't hear, I just snap at him to shut up and he flinches back and glares at me._

_"Keep it down will you!" She shouts at me and Dave says something and I blink; Fleck is picking up a muffin…_

_I blink and suddenly Carly is mad at me…what did I do? No wait…I know this…I'm angry…_

_"Sam!" She's glaring at me._

_I shrug, I'm not in control. "It's slipped." My mouth moves for me and once again my vocals are firing without my say so._

_I guess she tried to hit me back, key word…tried. Cause now an old lady is on the floor holding her cheek. She calls out several apologies._

_Again…me being me…, "Thank you!"_

_She glowers at me. "I was talking to the woman I hit! Which I wouldn't have if you hadn't thrown that muffin first!"_

_Fred-dork stands, looking between us. "We have a web show to do. You two need to fix this. Try and make up somehow." He's more level headed than either Carly or me sometimes._

_But I snap…my vocals fire. "I don't feel like fixing anything today."_

_"Neither do I. I'm fully capable of doing iCarly by myself." She looks so calm when she says it. Why does it hurt so much that she doesn't show she's hurting? Oh yeah…cause I love her._

_It's on my face, the hurt; I can feel it in my frown. "There's no way you can do iCarly without me." I clamped my jaw shut to stop myself from mentioning the fact that we started it together._

_She nods standing, face as blank as clean paper…or a just washed chalkboard. Just there. "Yes I can. We do the show at my house. Consider yourself thoroughly uninvited."_

_But…I practically lived at the Shay's. It was my safe house…it was Nathan's safe house. Our home from home when I couldn't trust my mother._

_"Good, cause I don't want to be there. I don't even want to be anywhere near you!" That was just a big fat fib._

_The only thing I wanted more than to make sure Nathe was safe…was to be at Carly's side for everything. She's in my face and I'm in hers and we're shouting. When had I stood up?_

_"Good for you Puckett! There's the door!"_

_"Why don't you use it?"_

_"I will!"_

_"No I will!" I turn and take Nathan. He doesn't seem to want to be near me right now. I don't blame him much. These last few hours have been hell. I don't wanna be near myself much either, but I'm stuck._

_Carly and I slam out of the door and stomp off in opposite directions._

_Once I reach a park I sit on a bench. It's almost late. I don't know how long I've been walking. I just know that I'm so tired of being Sam Puckett right now. I couldn't hate myself more._

_"Dummy." Nathan points at me. Normally I'd tell him it was wrong…but he's so right._

_"I know."_

* * *

_This sucks…doing the show from two different places? _

_Total F-ing chizz!_

_Nathan is watching from a chair and looking at me like Carly normally would when I did wrong. Only this time I really…really screwed up._

_We tried, and I actually think I look pretty good with those fangs on, but back to the point…we tried and it didn't work._

_I keep vomiting up mean words. So bad that Carly's willing to pop me in the face. This is bad._

_"This whole thing is chizzy jank." I finally control my mouth and vocals again._

_"What is?"_

_I'm trying to make things better. Because if we don't make up from this…there may be no coming back. "Doing iCarly from two different places."_

_And just when I think we'll make up and both say we're sorry like we usually do…_

_"Let's just end this." _

_What?_

_Freddie tries to be Mr. Sensible. Carly shakes her head as she corrects him. "Not this show. Ending iCarly."_

_…Way to go Puckett._

* * *

_I'm seeing red._

_I saw it all of last night after Carly said we were ending the show. I've seen it all morning. I'm blinking and everything is always different. I get a text from the neighbors saying Nathan is taking a bath as I go to school. I blink and suddenly I'm at my locker._

_All I see is red. And everything that's normally red, like my backpack is twice as blood colored as before. _

_What's wrong with me?_

_I blink and Carly's there, I shake my head and so is Benson…and then I blink once more and they're both gone and I'm stomping in my first classes direction._

_My brain is processing words I had heard but didn't fully understand yet._

"Don't act intimidating."

"Maybe I want to choose."

"We're gunna win that competition."

"I have just as much right to the dork as you do Shay."

"No you don't."

"Do so."

"No, Freddie loves me."

_…So do I. I'm just totally chizz at showing it._

* * *

_Spencer took Nathan for the night as I was gunna be to busy shooting a video for the competition with Fleck._

_But things never do go according to plan._

_Carly, Benson, and Dave are there before us. "Excuse me." I scoff. They look back and Carly is already glaring at me._

_I miss what the two dorks say but I catch the part that they want to film on the platform. And because I am who I am I can't let that fly. I hear a door open and look around. "Ryan Seacrest!" _

_I run onto the platform when they look. _

_Monkey see, monkey do…Carly follows me out._

_Why?_

_She looks terrified, I pretend to be brave. But honestly…I'm a little scared of heights._

_Then we're arguing about who goes back in first…I wanted Carly to go first so I knew she'd be okay. That's really all that matters. I'd be the same way now if Nathan was in her place and the National Guard was trying to save us. He'd go first._

_"Just go back inside Carly!" I call over the high winds._

_"You go first!"_

_The wind picks up and the platform shakes…I stumble and try to grab something…I guess I grabbed the wrong thing cause the platform is going down._

_Shit! Stupid, stupid blonde! I smack the red button and it stops. I take a deep breath and start to calm down. But how are we supposed to get off now?_

_"How are we," Carly starts…but she stops. I wonder why until I hear it…_

_A sickening snapping sound…some wires are breaking…oh no…I blink and suddenly I'm holding onto the railing for dear life._

_Where's Carly?_

_I hear a shriek and I notice her hanging on for her life…one finger slip and she's gone for good. No…shit...why am I so me?_

_"Hang on!" A dumb thing to say but I had to._

_"You act like I'd want to let go!" She screams at me._

_For once in my life, I have no idea what to do. It's obvious what I have to do but I'm not sure how to do it and keep us both alive._

_"Just hold on Carls."_

_"I'm gunna fall…I'm gunna fall."_

_"Quit psyching yourself out! No you're not!"_

_"I am I'm slipping!" I can hear the tears in her voice._

_"Hang on, I'm gunna get ya." That sounds like a regular creeper term…but I was too panicked to care. The person I _love_ the most may fall to her death in mere seconds. I hold onto the rail and steal myself, taking deep breaths. _

_"I'm not scared." Yes I am. _

_"I'm not scared." I so am._

_"This is totally fun." Another giant fib._

_I slide down carefully to help her. I'm sooo scared my heart my pound out of its cage. I place my feet firm against the metal so I can push back on them and lift with my upper body too. _

_"Sam…" She looks up at me. Carly's life is in my hands…Sam Puckett's hands…it's not a feeling I savor or ever want to taste again. It's bitter in my mouth._

_"Take my hand." I'm trying to be as calm as possible._

_She's trying not to cry but I can see the tears shining in her eyes as she looks up at me. "I'm so scared." She doesn't scream or shout…she mumbles it when the wind goes quiet and I try and smile to let her know she'll be okay._

_"I know. I am too. Just take my hand, you'll be alright."_

_She takes a deep breath, grabs for my hand and I take her wrist into my hand in a tight grip. I won't let go…not ever._

_Suddenly everything is in living color. I'd been seeing red for so long it kinda surprised me. I pull…blink…and Carly's safely tucked against my chest whispering thank you over and over again._

_She doesn't have to. This whole thing is my fault. If I had just said I was sorry while I had the chance we wouldn't be here. I'm so stupid._

_I keep thinking it as we're pulled up and into the hallway safely._

_I'm a little annoyed that Benson basically gave me a bear hug to pull me in…but Carly and I are both alive and safe. "Where's Nathan?" I ask, not seeing him. _

_"With Gibby on the boat." Spencer answers. He's giving me a look that tells me I should just focus on Carly right now. "You two okay?"_

_I nod; I hear a choked sob come from Carly. "Course…we're tough." She mumbles. I glance at her…she's shaking._

_"Neither one of us cried." I mention. But it's bad…cause now the tears are coming up and I can't control them. And that makes me sick to my stomach. That I'm reduced to tears because I almost lost Carly and I'm actually crying in front of Benson…stupid Benson!_

_We don't turn to hug each other like we normally would. We're stiff in place like dolls._

_Spencer takes our shoulders and turns us to face to face. My arms are over her shoulders and we're holding on for dear life. We're mumbling apologies into each other's ears and saying how dumb we were and that we'll never do it again. _

_I felt better than I had in a long time._

* * *

Carly shifts in my one armed hold and looks up at me through her lashes with sleep coated eyes. "Sam?"

"Mm?"

"What time is it?"

I glance at the clock. "Almost two." I answer, looking back over at her. Nathan is fast asleep on the little ice cream sandwich couch.

"Have you been to sleep yet?" She stretches, legs extending then curling in and her ribs expanding before pulling back to their normal shape. She cuddles closer and my arm tightens around her shoulders.

I shake my head.

"What are you thinkin about?" Her voice is still sleep induced. I smile and plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Nothing important Cupcake. Go to sleep."

She hums, closes her eyes, and her head falls back onto my shoulder. She's knocked out in seconds. I follow soon after.

Monkey see, monkey do.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for taking so long! I lost my writing mojo for a while! It's probably not that amazing but 'm trying =}**

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

* * *

Stupid heat wave!

Everyone else was lucky. This was mom's weekend off of Nathan, who was currently at dad's place with his giant air conditioners, she had the AC pumped up , Melanie was off at her fancy school which was of course…'quite comfortable' as she says.

For once I'd actually love to be at home. But I have to help my girl and that stupid nub Benson. Not that I have a problem helping Carls…just the fact that I'd appreciate being alone with her now and then. I think he sticks around so we won't do anything.

Maybe Spencer asked him to.

I barge in as per usual. "Freakin heat wave!" I grunt as I slam the door behind me. Dressed in black tank top (which may not have been a good idea) with a purple bra and cut off shorts. "Turn up the AC cupcake."

"It's on full blast." She looks deliciously overheated. It sucks that I'm too hot to do anything about it.

I groan and strut through her kitchen to her fridge. I hate being short. I step on a water package and open the freezer, sticking my upper body inside. "That's better." I grab some frozen pizza.

"Sammy, what are you doing?" Carly laughs.

"Either cooling down or eating your frozen pizza. If I know Sam Puckett it's probably both." I hate Freddie.

There's a small warm hand on my shoulder, I know it's Carly so I turn when she pulls me back. "Hey, you were eating my pizza."

"Multi-task cupcake." I grin.

She rolls her eyes and lets me keep eating the pizza. "Is Nathan coming over for the show?" She misses seeing him every day just as much as I do.

"Nah," I shake my head. "Mom says he could have a lot of problems at his age with the heat so he's gunna be staying with her or dad till this heat wave breaks." I think kids have a higher chance of getting a heat stroke cause they're smaller…I dunno I'm not a doctor.

"Aww, I miss him." She pouts.

I roll my eyes now and grin. "He misses you and Spencer too." He hasn't been over in two days and he won't stop asking about them.

A knock comes to the door and Carly shouts for them to come in.

Kyler comes in with just a blue muscle shirt that had triangle designs crossing it diagonally in gray and a pair of white basketball shorts with Adidas. "Dude…this…bites…major!" He grunted, closing the door as he stepped inside.

"Tell us about it." I grumble my agreement as I wrap my arms around Carly's waist as I munched on my frozen pizza. She let her head fall back on my shoulder and kissed my jawline, making me grin.

"Aww look at the lovebirds!" Kyler crooned. Freddie laughed with him. Carly blushed and I flipped them both off.

I finished my pizza and turned Carly in my arms, planting a big kiss on my girl. She wraps her arms around my neck and returns it.

Kyler laughs as he takes a juice from the fridge. He's so cool about me and Carls being together, Freddie is still only getting used to it. We agreed that if Carly ever leaned his way…I'd let her go and she'd be all his.

But…I wasn't planning on letting her go…I talked to my dad, Dannler, and Kyler about it…Spencer was next…I was gunna ask Carls to marry me. Of course we'd wait till college or after to tie the knot….but I wanted her to be mine forever. As sappy as that sounds.

* * *

The next day I skip school. I go to see Spencer.

"Hey Spence?" I call.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" He walks out from his room. "Carly made you promise to stop skipping didn't she?"

I nod. "Yeah, but this is way more important."

He frowns. "Something up with Carly?"

I don't know how to start this conversation with the guy that may end up being my brother-in-law. "Kind of…," I pause, he looks worried. "I wanna ask Carly to marry me."

"Whoa!" He holds up his hands and looks mildly shocked, but I can see that somewhere along the line he was expecting this. "You're seventeen! Aren't you a little young to be thinking about that? With my sister!"

"I know, and we wouldn't actually get married till after college. I just…you don't get it Spence…I've never been more sure about anything in my life besides Carly. Now if you say I can't then I won't ask again till she's eighteen…but I'm not giving up on this. I can't. Carly is it for me."

He sighs, watching me carefully. "You're really serious about this." It's not a question.

I nod.

"And you'll wait till after college?"

I nod.

"I guess I have to help my sister-in-law find a ring then." He grins.

I can't help the smile that threatens to split my face. "Seriously? Oh…," I laugh and jump over to hug him; he returns it quickly and just as tight.

"I trust you more than Freddie, and that's saying something." He speaks as we break the hug. I could fight off a gang of thugs for Carly. Freddie would just scream for help. "Let's check out some jewelry shops! But you're going to school tomorrow!"

He grabbed his wallet and keys and followed me out of the apartment.

* * *

I beat Benson at an arm wrestle…again. What kind of wimp is happy that he's only beaten in three seconds? But if you could never win I guess I'd be happy with that.

I finally found the right ring for Carls a week after I'd been shopping with Spencer for one every day after school.

"Dude…you're happy you lost?" Kyler asks in confusion.

"In three seconds. It's usually taken one!" Freddie defends with a grin.

Kyler blinks. "But you lost."

"Well yeah…but not as quick as before."

"…By two seconds." He started laughing. "Dude you got beat by a girl! Not any girl either, Sam Puckett…that makes losing like…ten times worse!" He claps me a high five and we grin at Freddie who's frowning now.

Carly sit on the table behind me and pokes my side. I turn to her. "Don't pick on Freddie, its mean." I stand between her legs as her arms go around my shoulders and my hands rest on her hips.

"Whatever you say cupcake." I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She turned my head and planted a kiss on my lips. There were some wolf whistles but they stopped when I turned and glared at the other students in the room.

"Bring Nathan to the lock-in Sam. He can help me and Gibby with our project." Carly brings my attention back. "Are you gunna help us?"

"Planning on it."

The lock-in was when I was planning on popping the question.

"No!" Gibby cut in. "I don't want to work with Sam! Last time she drew that picture on my forehead!"

Carly giggled and I smirked, turning to him. "Let it go Gib."

"I can't." He shrugs and only slightly outraged look in his eyes. "You took pictures! They're gunna live on the internet forever!"

Freddie and Kyler were chuckling behind the younger teen at the table.

I turn to Carly and use my left hand to push some lose hair away from her face as I grin, I couldn't help it. She grins back, blushing. "I love you." I mumble.

"I love you too."

And I love the fact that she never hesitates to say it back.

* * *

On Friday, after the show, I hear Freddie and Kyler talking about their project. Some mood ring crap I didn't really care about.

This was perfect though. Kyler could help me find the best way to propose.

"Can I help?" I ask.

Freddie looks at me like I've grown two heads. Kyler just laughs. "Sure thing Sammy-O." That makes Carly giggle.

"You want to help us?" Benson asks suspiciously.

I nod. Kyler gives me a look that says he knows what I'm doing.

"With a school project…Kyler and I?"

I nod. "Sounds interesting." I try not to flinch away from the nerd's hand. I don't like guys touching me. Besides Spencer, but he's Spencer.

"Feels like Sam." He glances at Carly.

She pulls me closer and smells my neck; I shiver a little and grin. "Smells like Sam." She plants a small kiss on my collarbone. "Tastes like Sam." She grins at me, I can feel my cheeks heat up but I grin back just as hard.

"Can I help or what?"

Freddie glances at Kyler who nods. "Sure, why not?" He heads out.

"I'll bring the fat cakes!" Kyler shouts as he follows.

"I'll bring my mouth!" I shout after him, giving Carly's hand a squeeze before leaving.

* * *

Spencer calls me and tells me not to act so not-Sam around Carly. She's starting to worry. And it makes me feel bad but I can't give an inch on this.

"I'll be at the school helping her with her project. But I wanna hear all about it when the lock-in is over."

"You bet Spencer and thanks again."

"No prob sis."

That meant a lot to me, that he already considered me family. Wait till Nathan hears.

As agreed I took him to Carly. She tries to get me to stay longer, to touch her, talk to her. But I have to go help Kyler and Freddie and Kyler has to help me set up my proposal plan.

I brought some extra snacks for us to munch on as we did this. But Benson freaked out when I brought some Guacamole. He thought I poisoned it.

Because that'd be so _Sam_ of me.

"Why are you acting like this?" Benson pulls me aside to ask.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're spending more time with us than Carly. Are you trying to dump her without her knowing or something?" I could see that almost hopeful look. Sorry Freddie, you're not getting the drop on my girl.

"A: How do I dump someone without them knowing? B: I would never leave Carly and we both know that. C: What I'm doing here and helping you two for…Kyler knows…and when it happens you'll know too. So sit back and watch Puckett work."

I went and sat on the chair Kyler motioned too. Benson was glaring at e as he stood behind his laptop. "Just stare at the pearpad and we'll do the rest." The bronze haired teen smiled as he waited beside Freddie, recording the whole thing.

Suddenly Freddie looked at me funny and took his computer, leaving Kyler and I alone. "Can I move now?" I glance sideways at my partner in crime.

He nods. "That was weird." He sets the camera down. "You wanna get started?"

I look at the clock. "Yeah, the courtyard is the best place. Nobody goes out there during lock-ins."

"Let's do it to it." He pumps a fist in the air and I laugh as we strut out to prepare everything.

* * *

"What are you being secretive about?" Carly asks, popping out of thin air almost as I was leaning against Carly's locker and munching on a ham sandwich.

"Huh?" I ask stupidly as I try not to talk with my mouth full.

"Freddie's mood face application. It said your mood was secretive. What do you have to keep a secret?"

Shit…that thing was accurate. "Nothing."

"You're not telling me something Sam."

"It's really nothing." I lie, feeling terrible about doing so. Kyler was putting the finishing touches on my proposal area.

"…Sam..." She looked sad. She didn't think I was cheating did she.

"Carls, it's not like I'm cheating or anything. The only thing I'd even think to cheat on you with is ham." I hold up the snack. That makes her smile a little.

"But you've been acting more distant. All week…and Spencer won't tell me if you've been acting weird and Freddie says you and Kyler have been tucked away in corners on a lot of times you were supposed to be working on the project whispering about something he couldn't hear." She looks near tears again. "Sam…what's going on?"

I can't hide it anymore. I take her hand, toss the ham snack away, and lead her to the spot.

* * *

Kyler looks up from what he's doing. Helping Nathan straighten his hair. He tucks the boy behind him and stands straight as I lead Carly outside. "Done?"

He nods.

"Sam?" Carly glances at me. I turn to her.

"Carly, I know you think I'm doing something bad or wrong or…something I'm not supposed to be. But I'm not…I'm doing something that'll change our lives."

She seems calmer; I spot Freddie watching from the window.

Carly's eyes widen as I drop slowly to one knee.

"Carly Shay, I'm not worth very much. I'm probably not worth ten dollars. But I can promise you I'll do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true. No matter what it takes. Because I love you, Carly, more than anything, and I know you love me too. So please…please," I pause, turning to look at Kyler who looks like he's about to cry.

Nathan steps out from behind Kyler when he touches the small boys head. He walks up to me, holding a small white pillow with a bright sliver ring with a decent sized diamond on it. I'd been saving some cash for this. And Spencer helped.

"Hi Carly." Nathan grins up at her. I had his hair done up at special for this.

She smiles down at him, she's crying.

I take the ring. "Carly Shay, will you marry me?"

And we're waiting…and in that pause it seemed like the universe took one bated breath and held it.

Carly smiles, wiping her eyes, nodding quickly. "Yes."

I grin. "Yes?"

"Yes!" She lets me put the ring on her finger before she falls into my arms and I hug her close and tight. I can see Freddie, he looks upset.

Suddenly Spencer and Gibby are there. Spencer is coughing on something but he's smiling and Gibby is clapping.

Kyler takes out a remote as Carly and I pull apart. She watches in amazement as he clicks the button and balloons fly out in several colors and streamers pop out from the corners we tucked them into. Strobe lights go off and the theme song for random dancing comes on. "Congratulations!" Sounded in the big echoing voice.

Carly laughs and pulls me into a kiss as we're bombarded with hugs from our friends and I lift Nathan up, he hugs me.

When I glance at the window again, Freddie is gone…but I'm past caring. I'm engaged to the girl of my dreams and everyone is happy for us.

Life was good.


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

**Okay...sorry this is so super late. And it probably isn't great but cut me some slack I just ralphed in my sink and I have a killer headache.**

**Anyways, let me know what kinda showdown you want. **

**A) Benson pulls a gun. **

**or B) There's a nasty fist fight and Carly shows up**

**or C) I use an idea one of you guys give me that I like better.**

* * *

Life has sweet things…but then again…it takes a while to see it.

Laying here once again with Carly, albeit on the couch, made me think even more about all the bullshit we put each other through.

Spencer was making me sleep on the couch most times I came over now. I have yet to tell my dad about my engagement, or my mom for that matter. I called Mel and told her first thing the next morning.

Freddie hadn't been heard from since the lock-in, it made Carly nervous. I wouldn't admit it but I was nervous too. I was afraid he'd do something totally nuts and hurt Carls, or worse Nathan. Or Spencer…he wasn't exactly the strongest guy ever.

Of course I could always take Freddie to the carpet at any time I wanted. He'd never be stronger than me. Carls thinks I'm just naturally strong. I am to a degree…but I also work out every other day. I could lift over two hundred pounds now, easy.

I glanced over at my little brother. He was curled up on the arm chair sleeping like a rock. I look back down at Carly; she's passed out, her right arm tucked into my side and her left across my stomach with her head on my shoulder.

Finally I closed my eyes and was asleep a few minutes later.

* * *

Something shaking my shoulder woke me up from dreams filled with ham and bacon. I groaned and peeled my eyes open to see Nathan staring right back at me with a big grin. "Sam, get up. There's breakfast."

I nodded and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"You know Carls…the reason Sam sleeps on the couch is so you don't sleep with her."

"Spence, chill out. I don't even see why you have that rule. You can trust Sam to wait."

"It's principal, I'm your big brother! It's for morals."

I hear Carly laugh as his explanation. "You're crazy."

"As true as that is…," I sat up before he could finish and as I was stretching I heard shuffling then there were small arms around my ribcage. I chuckled and opened my eyes.

"I think you interrupted Spencer, Cupcake."

"He'll live."

"Hey!"

"Come on, breakfast." Carly stood and turned to Nathan. "You still need to finish yours."

"Kay!" He shouted and hopped back over to the table and climbed into the chair.

Carly turned back to me with a grin. "He's short." She mumbled. I scoffed, nodding.

"I know, it sucks total chiz."

"You speak from experience?"

I grin up at her. "Of course." I follow her out to the island, taking in her fresh clothes and clean hair. What time was it? "I hear you're dating a shorty." I could only joke about my height with Carly and Spencer.

She smirks as she picks up a piece of bacon. "I totally am."

"Oh yeah?" I grin and nod my thanks to Spencer as he slides a plate of bacon, sausage, ham, and buttered toast. A big breakfast…my favorite! "What are they like?"

Spencer looks between us. "Girls." He mumbles to himself, shaking his head and walking around the island with his plate to sit at the table.

"She's got a temper, but she's sweet." She took a sip of her juice. "She can also take down the biggest football player in our school."

Yeah…I totally could. "So what does this chick look like?"

Carly leaned closer. "Mm, really pretty blonde hair, and it's curly." She plucked a blonde curl off my shoulder and tugged it, letting it go and she smile when it sprang back.

"Sounds familiar."

She giggles and leans in more, planting a kiss on my cheek. She doesn't want to give me a proper kiss in front of Spencer, who I notice is watching far too keenly to be the dorky spaz I know.

The fact that Carly is suddenly serious brings my attention back to her. "Carls?"

She blinks and looks over at me. She smiles halfheartedly and I take her hand, quietly asking her to tell me what's bothering her.

"…I just wonder where Freddie is." She mumbled. She did worry too much, it was in her nature…but I didn't want her to worry about the dork. That was my job, expect the unexpected.

"Don't worry about Fredward; I'll look out for the nerdlinger."

She smiles again, but more meaningful now and gives me a small kiss (on the lips) and ignores Spencer's shout as she giggles again and makes a face at Spencer while she almost literally twirls away.

Nathan is drinking his juice when I turn back to face the table. He takes a breath and started drinking again. Spencer chuckles at him and glances at me. "You think Freddie might just be hiding out with his mom?"

"He can't stand to be around her any more than he has to be. That's why he's always here, I think even his mom knows that." I sighed and took a bite of my ham.

"True chiz." Spence sighed and tipped his head thoughtfully. "Maybe we should ask around…or have Kyler track him down."

"Maybe…"

"It's weird…" He mumbled.

"What?"

"I kinda always expected you to pop the question to my sister…but now that you have it's like everything changed…but it's all still the same." He looked confused now.

"Spencer…stop talking." I grinned.

His shoulders slumped. "Okay." He dug back into his breakfast.

Nathan tried to take care of his plate but he was to short. After I helped him, he happily hopped towards the bathroom so I could start his shower.

"Kids." I mumbled.

"Bath time!" Nathe shouted.

* * *

"So what should we do?" Carly asked, crossing her arms over the glass table. I nodded, trying to act uncaring.

My dad hummed and rubbed his chin thoughtfully with his free hand; Nathan sat sipping a slushie in his lap. "Well…if he's not in a place he'd usually go to…check the most unlikely place. But…usually it's subconscious when you go to the place that's familiar or gives you the most comfort."

"So…a library?" I asked.

"Or the Groovy Smoothie."

My dad nodded. "I would try those places first." He looked over the railing. "How's that sculpture going Dan?"

"Uhh…alright." He called back.

My dad chuckled and looked back at Carly and I. "If you need help looking, just call. I'm sure Dan will be happy for the distraction."

"Yes…yes I will." Carly giggled at the worker's shout.

* * *

Excluding the police, we had a whole search party out looking for Freddie.

Dad and Spencer were taking drives around nearby parks. My mom even paired with Freddie's mom (mostly because she wouldn't listen to her crazy talk) and checked the three closest libraries. Nathan was with Carly and Dan. And I was with Kyler.

If something went down and I got to Benson before she did…the last thing I wanted was an accident. Kyler understood and gladly went with me.

Nathan wouldn't have been paired with me no matter what. If I had to tackle somebody, there's no way I could do that with Nathan on my hip.

Kyler sighed as we glanced inside the Groovy Smoothie again, Carly and Dan were talking to T-Bo who nodded then shook his head. "Where is that kid?" He huffed.

"He wouldn't have jumped town. He's terrified of strangers." That and he had zero cash to get far with. I glanced at the bronze haired teen beside me. "Did we check the school?"

He shook his head.

I nudged his shoulder. "Come on." He followed quietly.

I texted Carls, Spence, and mom to let them know we'd be checking the school and if Freddie wasn't there we would have to call the cops…as much as I hated the idea…cops suck.

* * *

Kyler stared on as I checked the front doors of the school before going around to the back. The door to the gym was open.

"This is creepy." Kyler mumbled as we walked across the shiny hardwood floors, our footsteps echoed.

I nodded. "Tell me about it." We pushed open the double doors into the empty hallway. Even being here in the daytime…a totally empty anything was sickeningly eerie.

A thought struck me and I quickly walked as quietly as I could to the courtyard where I proposed to Carly. Kyler was following quickly. "Where are we going?" He whispered, scared to speak loudly. I couldn't blame him.

"Just an idea." I hissed back. I stopped and peeked through the window to the courtyard. Sure enough…Freddie Benson sat with his head down on the cold stone steps. I sighed, trying to get the anxiety of what might happen to leave my body…no such luck.

Kyler followed me silently as I pushed open the door. I stood there, Freddie glanced up…I think he was crying…his eyes were kinda red. "Benson…," I wanted to call him an idiot, a stupid totally ridiculous idiot. But I couldn't. Because I'd probably be where he is now if Carly had chosen him.

"What's up Puckett?" The way he said it made me flinch…like I was the scum of the Earth…like gum on the bottom of a shoe.

Yeah…this wouldn't end well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

**Sorry it's late! I've been working most of this month from early till late and I have very little time to update between this, that, and my book. (Which I've almost finished chapter 12, finally! Yay!)**

**Anyways, let me know what kinda showdown you want. **

**B) There's a nasty fist fight and Carly shows up**

* * *

"Freddie," I didn't know what to say to make this better for him. "Where've you been guy?" I glance at the row of windows near his head. Kyler has stepped back inside and had his phone out rapidly texting.

I had to stall him as long as possible.

"Around. But I don't think you care very much about that Puckett." To be totally honest…I didn't care. But Carly did…Carly would suffer for any stupid actions.

"I don't." What was the point of telling a lie? We were already here. "But Carly does, she's worried Freddie, really worried. So why don't you just tell me where you've been?"

He works his jaw; I see the muscles in his arms twitch. He's still stuck between a little boy and a teenager. He is getting older but his lack of facial hair at his age screams twelve year old and his addiction to nerd bellow's seven.

He has the arms of a man that's worked out with dedication (which he most likely did to please Carly, which clearly didn't work), and if I might say so very skinny chicken legs.

Freddie Benson is growing into the classification of 'man-child'. But he hasn't earned the title of being a _man_ yet.

Just like I haven't been given the title woman yet.

Woman and man are titles of respect…titles of experience. Titles of loyalty and courage.

Spencer is a man. He keeps steady money, has his own place, does his best for his baby sister and works his hardest to pave his own specific way in life. Spencer Shay is a man.

Carly Shay is a woman. Or well on her way to be. All she needs is a place of her own…a place of our own.

But Freddie and I…we're still kids that scream, 'Don't tell me what to do!' or 'I told you so!' We're kids.

He looked down at his clenched hands. "I…wandered around for a while…and as I did…I still just couldn't understand why." He looked up at me. There are deep bags under his eyes and he looks so worn out and depressed. He looks so much older than his age…but the same too.

"I still just don't get…why you?" He stood. "You hate…everything!" Untrue. "You hate ever body!" Untrue. "You don't deserve Carly." That was true.

Uh oh…

"You don't deserve a lot of things!" He snapped. "You're just a horrible person Samantha!" He'd never called me that before. I stood my ground as Freddie stepped closer. "You're rude, harsh, a total bully, manipulative, conniving, and a total…sociopath!"

I try and swallow it down…but I can't. "You think I don't know all of that?" I step closer, there's only a few steps left between us. "You think I didn't ask myself those things!" Another step. "You think I never asked myself, 'Why not Freddie?'?" I'm angry…and the word vomit keeps coming, spewing out uncontrolled.

Damn…after I'd been doing so well.

"I have, I've even asked Carly!" He seemed surprised by that. "But you're not upset because I'm me Freddie…you'd be this way with anyone Carly chose. Because you know something…girls don't usually dig guys that spy on them through the peep hole of their door ever day! Girls don't dig on guys that are disgustingly obsessed with them!"

"I didn't,"

"Yes you did! You still do it! I know you do. But you know what gets me…is that you say all these things about how horrible I am and how crazy I can get…but I bet Carly would disagree. And my family, Spencer and Kyler!"

It felt nice to have something I could call family. My dad and baby brother, my mom and sister (even though mom sometimes got a little drunk on weekends.).

"None of that is true! Carly's called you crazy herself!"

"Benson…you're so pathetic…you're not pissed because it's me…even if it was a totally different person…we'd still be standing here now. Because you can't handle the fact that she didn't choose you. She never has. You can't handle that she's never looked at you twice that way and she never will."

"We've dated before." He snapped. He looked more wild eyed the more I yelled.

"You dated Carly for a few days. And she wasn't even dating Fredward Benson. She was dating Freddie, the guy who saved her life." I felt myself calming, but the word vomit…I couldn't stop it…it was too little to late. "You can't handle the fact that she doesn't want you. She never has and she never will."

I don't see if before it collides with my face. Freddie…Fredward fucking Benson…just clocked me in the jaw. And it actually kinda hurt.

"Shit." I heard Kyler hiss.

I look at Freddie. "You did not…," I start…but a second fist is flying at my face and I move just enough that it collides with my shoulder instead of my face. I turn and hit back, my strong hand is my right.

I pop him in the eye and he's down.

It's a blur from there…a grapple of fists, elbows, knees, and finger jabs. I had a sore spot in my ribs where he elbows me and he was limping from a hard kick to his knee. And for any guys out there…hair pulling is for sissy boys. I'd shouted at Kyler several times not to jump in.

I got another hard punch and I felt my lip split and a rusty tang invaded my mouth.

"Sam!" I'd know that voice anywhere…we both freeze and look around…Carly is standing there with Spencer and Kyler behind her.

She caught us in the fight…Freddie had gotten lucky and grabbed the front of my shirt, he stood above me with a ready fist. In his mind I wasn't Samantha, even though he called me that. I was Sam Puckett…hard-as-a-rock-biggest bully-badass…Sam Puckett. I wasn't a girl to him. And that was fine because he wasn't a boy to me. He was _Freddie_.

She looked utterly shocked. "Freddie?" Her voice was hushed…she looked at him for a moment, and then her face changed…like he was scum…the same way he'd looked at me when I found him. "What are you doing?" She snapped.

"Carly I…it's not…I was just…," He let go of me and stumbled back. He looked at me…I wondered how bad I looked.

He has two black eyes and a cut across his nose, a scuffed cheek and blood coming from both lips. He looks like hell with all the extra stress I'd seen on his face when I got here.

I blink and Carly is next to me, holding my face gently. I can feel my swollen right cheek, there's a cut, and I wince. She apologizes and brushes my hair from my face. "Sweetie," she mumbles, looking me over. "We have to get you home. You have a lot of cuts."

"I'm fine Cupcake." I let her help me sit up. I glance up at Freddie who seems to be trying to meld himself to the brick wall. I look back at Carly, she's still fussing over me, I can't help my smile when I see my ring glitter around her ring finger as she checks my hands and arms.

Spencer is on my other side asking if I need any help walking, I'm not even sure yet. Suddenly I'm surrounded by people making sure I'm alright…aside from Freddie's mom who looks curiously between us, and gives Freddie a hard look before pulling him along behind her.

He'll be grounded for quite some time.

* * *

I'm at Carly's place. I told mom to take Nathan home (not wanting him to see me bashed up), my dad and Dannler hovered for a while before I sent them away (hovering people kinda made me nervous). Spencer let me sleep in Carly's bed tonight. Kyler would be sending a special video telling people there would be no actual iCarly until I looked better (we'd just make videos of Carly, Spencer, or Kyler doing something and posting it for that week's episode).

There was a cut going through my left eyebrow, my bottom lip was split in two places, my cheek had a wide cut, I had one black eye, and several bruises over my chest and arms and one bruise on my right shin.

I was messed up.

"Hey baby." Carly smiles sweetly as she walks in with a hot cup of tea. "Is the ice pack working?"

I nod, sitting up carefully. "Just like you said it would." It numbed the annoying twinges of pain. Freddie wasn't strong, these marks didn't hurt as bad as they could have had he been someone else. I set down the ice pack and take the cup. Taking a sip I smile. "Mm, lemon and peppermint."

"With Fat Cake flavored after taste." She grins when I make a surprised face.

"Wow, how'd you get that?" I take another swig.

"I have my ways."

And then it's quiet for what seems like a long time. I glance at Carly who is staring at the cup. "Sam,"

"Freddie isn't a bad guy." I'm not sure why I'm defending him…maybe to make her feel better. We were the same case…only I got lucky and he didn't. "He's frustrated."

"Sam," She insisted. "Look at yourself…he did that to you."

"Because he loves you. He hates my guts because I got to be with you and he doesn't. It kills him. And I get where he's coming from. No it's not an excuse but it is the truth."

She nods. "I'll talk with him later…I just want to make sure you're okay." She shuffles closer and lays her head on my shoulder.

"…I love you Carly."

I hear her let out a small laugh. "I love you too Sam."


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! ...I just noticed all the -ERs...)**

**I really don't feel like writing ANY of my stories anymore...I really don't. And I don't feel like forcing ideas out of my head so anything I write is usually by ear. Like this chapter...it was only 3 pages. Most are 6. But oh well. This one didn't need to be long.**

**I've just lost my inspiration to work on these stories. Even my revamping. So if things don't get updated for like a month...this way you have an answer!**

* * *

Everything felt swollen for two days after the fight. Carly insisted we didn't talk to Freddie again, Spencer, mom, Melanie, and dad agreed.

Melanie came back from her fancy boarding school to see me. She was in the kitchen chatting with Carls. "I never thought him the type to hit a girl, even if it is Sammy." Mel mumbled.

"I know. Sam doesn't want to blame him though."

"Why not?"

"She said he got so upset because he loves me. But if he did…he wouldn't try to hurt the one I chose."

"Preach." Melanie half smiled before noticing me standing awkwardly near the couch. "Sammy." She smiled, it was weird to see myself smiling at me, but at the same time she was totally different. Melanie was sweeter than me, more giving than me, more forgiving than me, more patient than me. Her hair was even a brighter shade of blonde than mine.

Twins really are curious I guess. I think Melanie is everything I can't be with people. I'm a bully; I've even had occasions where I bully Carly unintentionally.

"Don't call me that." I grumble, my face twists and I flinch in discomfort. My bruises still hurt and the cuts are still closing.

"Baby, do you need another ice pack?" Carly stood and turned to the fridge before I could answer. She pulled out an ice pack and waves me closer.

"How was your sleep?" Mel asks nicely.

I shrug. "Sore." I offer a half grin, she gives me a look that tells me my comment wasn't funny and I mumble an apology. "So when are you gunna talk to Benson babe?" I ask Carls when I feel an ice pack placed over the cut on my forehead. It's soothing in a way; it numbs the insisting tingles that almost feel like pain.

"I'm not."

"Carly,"

"You can try and rationalize it, but if he hated it so much he should have talked to me and maybe we could have settled this. But he disappears and when you find him he attacks you. It's not rational, and I can't forgive him for it." I couldn't argue on that. She was right, like always. He had been a child about it.

But I couldn't forgive him either. Not about his fighting dirty, but because he hurt Carly so much. And sure it was never intentional, but he never thought about how much it could hurt her in the long run.

"Fine." I sigh.

"I think Carly should talk to him." I can feel the look Carls is giving her. "Not to forgive him, but just to clear the air and all his drama. I can't forgive him for what he did to Sam either." She looks at me, her hair is up and twisted and she has a flower at her right temple.

"See?" I look up at Carls.

"Fine, I'll talk to him." Carly huffs in defeat. She's so cute when she's mad, she pouts.

* * *

It's about a week and a few days before my bruises are gone, my cuts have yet to heal. Melanie got her school work sent here for a month, in advance.

Carly finally drags me back to school…and life seems to go on. We see Freddie here and there, but it seems he's changed his classes so we don't have any together.

Carly hasn't talked to him yet, and I keep insisting she does.

We're at lunch and I mention it again, Kyler speaks up while munching on his home made lunch of pickles and a hamburger with apple juice. "You've talked to Freddie about this. Dozens of times."

I shrug. "I know." But Carly says everybody deserves a second chance…she said it for an idiot so I'll say it for a moron.

"Einstein defined insanity as doing the same things over and over and expecting different results." Kyler glanced at me over his glass bottle rim.

"I got different results."

"Not really. You reworded your attempts but you did the same thing and denial was the same outcome. Your idea going in is the same and your proposal is the same…you just say it differently each time. Freddie won't accept something from you. It's been clear for a long time." Kyler sipped his juice and set it down.

Kid had a point…

"Freddie wants closure. He loves Carly, obviously very much." He looks at Carly, who is looking at him like he's grown two heads. "He may do it stupidly but he does. He needs to know you chose this. He needs to know you're being taken care of. And he needs you to literally say…you've never wanted him. And after what he's done…you may never be friends anymore."

Carly looks down.

"He needs these things. He needs to know the backlash of his actions, all of them." Kyler finished.

I smirked. "You have an old soul my friend."

He smirked back and shrugged. "I suppose."

* * *

It's the next day, and I'm picking up my stuff and moving it back to my house, again, today. I go by the door to pick up a loose sock and I hear it…talking in the hallway.

It's Carly and…,

"It's not…good for you." Freddie.

"Would you stop? I'm happy, why doesn't that seem to mean anything to you?"

"It _does_! That's why you shouldn't be with _her_!"

Carly scoffs. "You realize that makes no sense right? You just want me to be happy with you. And it's selfish Freddie Benson."

"Carly,"

"No. Don't try the good guy act. It won't work anymore. You hit Sam. I don't care if you don't think of her as a girl, it's what she is. And we're together. And you need to get over it because it won't change. And neither will my feelings about either one of you."

What?

"You were wrong Freddie. And I can't just forgive you because you say sorry, which you haven't."

Oh.

"I used to think you were the best guy I knew outside of Spencer. But…you're just as shallow as the average teenage boy. I couldn't think less of you now if I tried. And we can probably never be friends again, but I have to say…that doesn't sound so bad to me right now."

I move away from the door but I stay close enough for her to know I heard.

Freddie calls to her once more before Carly opens the door. Our eyes lock and he seems to straighten up and gives me a blank look before the door closes. I meet Carly's gaze and she asks silently if I heard her.

I nod.

"Sam…I don't think Freddie and I can be friends anymore." She mumbles. "Ever again." She sounds sad, but like she saw it coming.

"Maybe someday."

She nods and steps closer to me, I step closer to her. She holds her hands out in front of her…she wants me to take her hands, so I do. And I can't help my grin when I see my ring again.

"I'm happy…with you. And I don't care who doesn't get it. We get it, and that's enough." She states easily.

I grin wider. "I couldn't agree more baby."

She pulls me closer and I slink forward willingly, letting her arms slip around my neck as she kisses me.

Over and over…and over once more.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for any mistakes. I always do a spelling an grammar check but sometimes it's hard to read over a whole chapter you just typed up. **

**iOwn Nothing! But Nathan and Tanner and Kyler and Dannler! **

**HA! Finally! Hope you all enjoyed it while it lasted! Sorry this took forever, I've lost my muse as a writer. Working on getting it back though!**

**My next projects...Disney movies...they'll be femslash so if you don't like...well I dunno why you read any of my stories. **

* * *

It had been weeks…I felt a lot better. Mel and Carly had already planned a lot of the wedding even though it was years off. They were about halfway through. Poor little Nathe had been a dress up doll on a few certain days. Spencer already had a tux so he was good to go.

Carly decided that our closest friends and family were invited, so basically everybody but Freddie. She even invited his mom but she declined, mumbling something about not being able to let Freddie spend a weekend alone.

I opened the door to Carly and Spencer's apartment. "Comin' in!" I shout.

"Oh, my favorite Puckett heads!" Spencer was in the kitchen making a late lunch. Nathe ran in, dropping his backpack on the couch as he climbed into a chair at the table. "Hey buddy, how ya doin?"

"Good!" Nathan answered with a wide grin and pearly whites.

I chuckled and tossed my bag next to my baby brother's overnight backpack. We were spending the weekend. I headed upstairs, tapping the white envelope in my hand. "Cupcake, you up here?"

"In the shower!" She called back.

I closed the door to her room and hopped on her ice cream sandwich couch, waiting.

I caught my reflection as I sat, hunched forward. I still had a few small scars on my face…it wasn't anything serious or disfiguring. But it was a pain in the ass that every mark left reminded me of what Fredward threw away.

Carly slipped out of the bathroom, white towel wrapped around her, steam billows out after her. It was like a big entrance in a musical, except Carls doesn't usually sing in the shower. "How do you not melt in there?" I quip with a smirk.

She just giggles and picks up a brush from one of her dressers and takes it to untangle her black hair. "I'm not made of sugar." She answers.

"Tastes like it."

She grins and points her brush at me. "Watch it Puckett."

I stand. "Or what?" School was almost over…we had a few months before the colleges we applied to started opening. I wanted to 'seal the deal' and officially make Carly mine before we got shipped out. That way guys won't look at her like she's a psycho when she tells them she's engaged but still a virgin.

However; if she wants to wait until the wedding, I wouldn't mind that either. Whatever my lady is cool for.

"Or I won't let you leave this room until morning." I love a coy Carly. Mostly because I'm the only one that gets to see her like this.

"Is that a promise?"

She grins and closes the distance, her arms sliding around my shoulders. "Maybe."

* * *

I've never been this happy, Carly wrapped around me and we're engaged and it's just…it's almost too much. I still can't get over the fact that it's _my_ ring on her finger. And then I remember…

"I have something to show you." I grin foolishly. She peers up at me through her lashes and hums, waiting. I slip from the bed and pick up the forgotten envelope. "You told me before that you got accepted to NYU…all the way on the east coast." I pointed out the last part almost bitterly.

She blinks and her head tilts to the side curiously. "Yeah, full ride scholarship. Our school only gives them out to some of the top students." She sits up and eyes me curiously. "Sam?"

I grin and hand her the envelope. "Check it."

She takes the envelope and opens it carefully. "…Is this…really?" She looks up at me, shocked, but her eyes are happy and bright. "When did you apply?"

"A while ago, I wanted it to be a surprise. It's a special scholarship they offer to even fewer students than the ones who get perfect grades all year." I sit back down beside her; the tank top I'd slipped on after we'd made love was loose from being well worn. "I don't get all the details but it's for delinquents who get straight As for a whole year and don't miss a single day unless it's an emergency. It isn't a full ride but they do pay for all my classes. I have to find a place but other than that….I'm going to NYU with ya cupcake!"

She flings her arms around me and almost tackles me, she's asking me when it started and how happy she is and I'm on auto-pilot as I answer because I'm so happy I think I'm having an out of body experience.

* * *

Standing here looking at the campus….it's almost surreal. Years ago if anyone had asked me if I'd be standing on the NYU campus, waiting for my ride to my small apartment nearby, I'd have called them a nutcase and probably popped them in the mouth.

I'm here though, and it's fucking incredible. I'm having another moment like the one I had the night I told Carls about coming here with her, an out of body experience. She'll be living on the campus and I won't be to far away.

Granted my apartment isn't great, a small single room, small kitchen, small bathroom, small everything. On the bright side, it's close to the campus, only five minutes away, and it has no infestation problems of any kind and nothing is falling apart. It's pretty cheap so with my job I should be comfy with Carly for a while until we're out of school.

"Hey you!" Warm hands cover my eyes and I grin like a fool. "Are you excited?" Carly mumbles into my ear, her hands dropping to my shoulders.

"Ecstatic." I answer evenly.

I hear a shout behind us and we turn, everybody came to see us off….except Freddie. I heard from hallway gossip he got into a school in California. Kyler was actually going to NYU with us so we could continue to do iCarly, which was now even more popular because we weren't just getting attention from kids and early teens.

"Everything is gonna be perfect, just wait." She sighs. I grin and look at the ring on her finger.

"Everything already perfect Carls." As dumb as it sounded it was true. Life could only get better from here. This is exactly what I should be doing with my life, going to school and working and keeping my girl safe and happy.

I turn and grin as I spot Nathan and Spencer unloading the truck full of Carly's stuff. Nathan wasn't much help because he was still pretty small but he was determined to take something. Kyler walked by with Dannler carrying boxes of camera equipment.

My mom and dad were waiting for me in their car to drive me to my apartment, they weren't back together…I don't think they ever will. It doesn't matter how old I get, there are just some things I'll never understand. Parents are one of the many things.

"Helping!" Nathe shouts as he tugs Carly's rolling bag behind him, it's small so I'm not too worried. "See? I can do it all by myself!" He grins.

"You're Superman buddy." Carly encourages and he puffs up his chest and continues after Kyler and Dannler followed by Spencer who looks like he's struggling a bit.

I look at Carly. "Everything is already perfect." I give her a small kiss before moving to help her brother.

"No, don't help now!" He grunts, he's glaring. I chuckle and take the box off his hands. He sighs and grins. "Thanks…I totally could have handled it though." He shrugs and tires to flex his arms.

I laugh, nodding, turning back to Carly. "Let's boogie baby! We still gotta unpack my stuff at my apartment!"

She huffs and follows her brother back to the truck to get more of her stuff.

Yep, totally perfect.

**THE END!**


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